Headed for a divorce - it's official

My mind is now made up. I've dealt with abuse from him on and off for a year and a half and I'm done.

This is my vent about what's happened most recently that tipped me back in the direction of a divorce (I almost divorced him in July, but he convinced me he would change his ways):

So right now, I am getting really angry over ALL the crap I've endured from him.

The icing on the cake for me was yesterday and the final nails in the coffin for a divorce:

We were at Home Depot yesterday. He took a picture of a lower price than what the item we were buying cost.

The item we were buying did not have a sticker with the price on it. I am certain the item cost $17.99 because that's what it said on the self beside the item.

So he took a screenshot of a far lower price on the shelf, showed it to the clerk, and then got away with paying a LOT less for a higher priced item. We paid $3 for an item that cost $17.99 because of what he pulled. He did this DELIBERATELY, in knowing it cost more. NO integrity. I would never do something like this ever - not at this age. Maybe when I was 15!

That was it for me. He defends his so called "integrity", yet practically steals from Home Depot for a matter of a difference in $15???

He is not trustworthy at all. And he proved it to me by doing this..... yet another instance of dishonesty. There have been multiple instances of dishonesty that I've experienced with him. Yet he claims (and yells at me) that I should trust him 100%. BS. He is just not trustworthy. Him practically stealing yesterday was appalling to me.

He also openly stated to me that he was getting pleasure out of making me upset and angry yesterday. This is yet another abuse tactic and is about control over me. That is not love... it's abuse.

And last week he said to me "sure, I don't give a s-h-i-t" when I wanted to do something nice for him, ie, bring him his lunch while he was working. He could care less, apparently.

And the week before, he blew up at me, yet again, in a fit of anger. There have been more than two dozen of these instances throughout our marriage -- many abusive rages at me. This one was borderline abusive.

And within the past couple weeks in bed he called me "one way sally" when he woke me up to fool around, but he pleasured me 1st, and I accidentally fell asleep again. One way sally?? What an insult and how hurtful. The week before I had pleasured him without ANY reciprocation. What an A-hole!

I am so done with listening to his excuses, his BS and his justifications around his bad and abusive behaviors. DONE.

And I am done with being treated this way. DONE.

He is an abuser and always will be. He is dishonest and dishonorable and always will be. Character does not change and no amount of couples therapy will fix poor character. I considered couples therapy for a while, but now I have zero interest in it.

I am listening to my own self and what I think now, and I am no longer taking his BS excuses.

This guy is of low character. And I deserve far better.

As soon as I get a job, some income, savings and a lawyer, I am telling him.

There's a whole backstory to the abuse in my prior threads. This is the tipping point.

I am going to need a lot of support over this, while I keep it secret from him until I am ready. Thank you in advance for any supportive replies. I will need the help over the next coming weeks.

Hang in there. Whatever you decide is for the best.

Yes some behaviors could be changed but character sure is fully formed by now. I don’t see how he’d change. He’d have to become someone else.

Thanks... and yes, this is his character, I’m afraid.

HaveHope

I really think you are doing the right thing in moving forward. He doesn't seem to respect you. You sound like you have respect for yourself which is why you're taking this step. I'm thinking of you at this time and will listen to any and all things you have to say!

Maybe we can help each other in that I think Im ready to now take the step in divorcing my husband after he today confirmed 8 month affair that is continuing now.

Thank you. I do have self respect. Hugs.

Are you definitely divorcing? I would after an 8-month long affair.

II can’t make a move until after I am employed again, which sucks. I have no idea when that will be either. In the meantime, I’m pretending everything is ok in order to protect myself.

Have Hope

I do think IM going to ask for a divorce. I don't think I can stay with someone I feel like I don't know or trust. I'm going to have to bide my time. I have to start therapy. I may need to see if I will be eligible for SSI since my anxiety makes if difficult to hold a job. I have a credit card in my own name I would like to get paid off or down before I file. We have some money coming in from his jog that could help us get back on our feet financially. I asked him flat out if he wanted to be done today,and he said I don't know...I dont think so. I feel like he doesnt think I will be the one to walk, but I think I am. Im with a strange right now. Im scared as hell but this is something I think i need to do when the time is right. Who knows...maybe he will pull the trigger and stop leading me on.

Lots of hugs to you and thanks for listening. I truly believe we will do the right things for ourselves

[QUOTE=Julielynn1990;6963790]Have Hope

I do think IM going to ask for a divorce. I don't think I can stay with someone I feel like I don't know or trust. I'm going to have to bide my time. I have to start therapy. I may need to see if I will be eligible for SSI since my anxiety makes if difficult to hold a job. I have a credit card in my own name I would like to get paid off or down before I file. We have some money coming in from his jog that could help us get back on our feet financially. I asked him flat out if he wanted to be done today,and he said I don't know...I dont think so. I feel like he doesnt think I will be the one to walk, but I think I am. Im with a strange right now. Im scared as hell but this is something I think i need to do when the time is right. Who knows...maybe he will pull the trigger and stop leading me on.

Lots of hugs to you and thanks for listening. I truly believe we will do the right things for ourselves[/QUOTE

I have my mind made up. I have far too much self respect to put up with abuse.

I would divorce your husband. Don’t try to work it out just because you’re scared. Too many people do that and stay in a bad or broken marriage because they’re too afraid to be alone and stand on their own two feet. It’s not a good reason to stay. I’m trying to overcome my own fears of being alone. I’m scared too..

If your husband respected you, he wouldn’t have had an affair. If you stay, he’ll respect you even less. Get your strength up and file for divorce. I am... as soon as I can and am able to.

Many hugs back. You can do this!!

[QUOTE=Have Hope;6963810]In my head right now, Im gone. I just have to get my head on straight and figure out money. We are both better than this! Thank you for your advice and friendship

[QUOTE=Julielynn1990;6963836]Same here. I’m done.

Talk to people to figure out your exit plan. That’s what I’m doing. Call a lawyer for a free consultation. If you live somewhere where infidelity counts legally, it could help you financially. I live in a no fault state.