Nice to be here. Having a rough go...

Hi everybody,

I'm so happy I found these forums.

I have been married for 21 years with 2 older kids. My husband has always struggled with honesty and has hidden a number of different things from me since we met - purchases, porn, smoking, gaming. He lost his job in March and again, started hiding smoking and buying various things without telling me. Then he started going on to Twitter, complimenting women and sharing really crude jokes. My kids found this out and told me. I made the decision to ask him to leave. He finished moving out the day before yesterday. It was just getting too uncomfortable for everyone at our house.

I'm really struggling coping with feelings of grief, regret, sadness, anger. My brain just won't shut off.

I miss the husband that I had 2 years ago before COVID, before he started isolating himself, before he found his phone/computer more interesting than his family.

Any tips how I can tell my brain to shut up? Or any book recommendations? I am open to anything that may help.

Thank you! I look forward to meeting you all.

Dee

I'm deeply sorry for what you are going through. I wish I had some tips or book recommendations for you but I can't think of any. I'm in the same boat as you when it comes to I don't know how to get my brain to shutoff

I am sorry things had to come to this for you. It’s only been a couple of days. It’s normal to feel a sense of loss and confusion. It’s normal to experience all different kinds of emotions too. Give yourself time to adjust to living without him. Given what you shared it’s actually best that he is out of your life instead of lying and cheating behind your back.

I know how you feel, and I have been unable to find a way to shut it off. I can tell you that after a year of trying to save a marriage after my wife had an extended affair, that trust never returns fully. Even worse the lies told make me see her as a stranger now. Intimacy is the hardest thing to do because it feels gross. At least it does for me, but I have only ever been with her my whole life. We have been married 23 years. I sympathize with you. The only things I haven’t done to try and cope is drugs and alcohol, but I refuse to travel that road. I’ll say a prayer for you!

Thanks everyone. I think the timing has made it more difficult too - right before Christmas.

I sure appreciate your input. It's nice to know I'm not the only person dealing with this issue.

So hard. It seems so unfair that 21 years can be torn apart in days.

Thanks again.