Separating but still loving

My heart is breaking from this. I feel like I am going to back down and try again with him, although I know that never works.

He started a group text with me and all our kids while he is on a trip with one of our sons. We are a family. Of course I love him.

But I must separate from him because it is extremely unhealthy and toxic.

My aunt told me she divorced my uncle but was still in love with him.

Well at least nothing has changed in that I still feel incredible mixed feelings.

I can’t keep doing back/forth.

Maybe we can be separated but still be a family and be friends??? He doesn’t want to separate or divorce. But he isn’t going to change at all to get along better with me. He kept saying he would and then gaslighting me by saying he doesn’t understand. I drove myself to severe emotional illness with his bad communication, confusion game.

I don’t now how to deal with this and a feeling vulnerable to getting sucked back in to a very unhealthy situation. I’m ashamed to have kept trying to end this, to have told family and friends, and then kept getting sucked back in.

I need to have self control and stay away.

He’s killing me with this text, sending photos of the trip that I could have gone on but didn’t because we separated.