I Think I Learned Too Late:

I feel like its my heart that's hurting. Not my ego really. I have zero self esteem.

I mean, I'm literally being asked to let go and agree to cross-country separation.

It’s ok to investigate your rights. Different states have different laws. It is my understanding that in California property gets split in half when a couple gets divorced. That being said, if you have property investments in another state that has different laws, then that can be a problem.

If you have a large property in South Carolina that is all in your wife’s name then your right to half that property depends on what the South Carolina Laws say about that.

So if you have an investment that is to pay off 4 years down the road in property that is in your wife’s name in a state that only sees that as her property only, then it’s your wife that will benefit from that investment venture. Understand?

This may prove to be very unpleasant to learn. Yet the key is not react on that even though it’s a deeply upsetting thing to learn.

That’s like inheritance. Some states have laws that say a marriage partner can get half of a spouses inheritance should the couple divorce. Other states, like Mass. do not allow a spouse to get half of their spouses inheritance.

It’s important to know these legal facts according to each state.

I will not ask for anything.

I may be without empathy, but I'm not without honor and i love my wife to the moon and back.

@Open Eyes - bless you for your kindness.

I haven't felt kindness in a very long time...

I don’t think you are devoid of empathy. However, you may struggle to understand certain things that can upset another person.

This tends to be an ongoing challenge I have had with my own husband that has dyslexia and adhd.

@Open Eyes - you've followed my story.

What would YOU do if placed into the same scenario

I can understand your difficulty with putting your life and needs on hold for five years with a maybe that will change your relationship.

I am trying very hard to listen to what you share. Each time I make a suggestion you don’t blow up, instead you try to listen. That says a lot about you to me.

I am not sure about your wife because all I have to go by is what you share. It’s hard to say given I don’t hear your wife’s side.

That's why i asked her to allow me to use direct quotes, so i don't misquote.

I'm just absolutely devastated and confused.

That is when you have to step back and allow these emotions to settle down a bit. It is a skill one has to develop to not react on emotions. It takes a lot of practice.

I know this is painful for her. I can feel it.

But, im barely functioning with my emotions in this present state. Its a miracle that my work family loves me or i wouldn't have survived.

To me, i see the divorce as closure. Marriage should be based on love, not the need to have access to my income.

If she moves back east, and we are still married, im quite likely to want to go and visit and that's not the separation she is telling me that she wants.

I feel painted into a corner, but mostly just really, really sad.

Tryin hard to put on a smile today.

Wow, busy day here!!!!

Therapy appointment....

California is a no fault divorce state. The family court is about money. Nobody in the family court cares about whether you wish the respondent love, peace and happiness or whether you want to keep your promises. Your attorney is correct. You should not be doing what you now are so intent on doing. You should think of your future and get a decent deal out of the divorce. By signing away your rights to the house, you relinquished your right to benefit from the appreciation of real estate in California, but you at least should get a refund of your contribution to the purchase price, as your attorney suggests. Your wife is not capable of appreciating your upholding your promise anyway. You can get sick or disabled soon and really use the money. It is dumb to do what you propose to do. Listen to your attorney and heed his advice.

If you want to rationalize following your attorney's advice, think about the advantages you already gave your wife by giving up your right to spousal support and by not insisting that the house be in both of your names. This is enough. Get a refund if your contribution and walk away with it. This will not be breaking the promise, especially if you were in a dumb state of mind and not advised by an independent attorney when you made the promise.

I believe in doing the right thing, even if noone else thinks its right.

If i give my word, its as good as gold.

I have a great job. I'll make my own way.

What an absolutely amazing day.

Nothing changed with my wife.

But the world around me changed.

God bless you all...

Good Morning! Big child support battle today with my 15 year old son's mother.

I'm in good spirits.

Blessings

So, yesterday, i received additional promotional duties (a lot of hats to wear) and my lead attorney told me that i had become a part of their family and was no longer simply an employee.

She told me, "I've never experienced the honesty and loyalty that you exhibit to me and the firm."

She also added that she was very sorry to learn that i was going through a breakup and she asked if i had a support system down here. I told her i had no one down here (i relocated here when i met my current wife) and she told me that i have a "big family now" and that on holidays, i would never be alone.

That felt really good.

I am glad you are appreciated at work, unlike at home.

One of our clients is a mid 50's Latina that looks a little like Raquel Welch. We had never met, but i have woked on her case.

Yesterday, we met when she brought in some documents. Very kind, sweet aura. We had her sign some docs and she went home.

Her hair was tied back, she had a white blouse and long, blue jean shorts. Very petite and cute.

About 30 minutes later, we realized she needed to sign another document. We notifed her and sent an E-sig Request, but she called claiming that she couldn't access the document.

This action had to be filed by 5pm, so i was resubmitting the document to her when she called and said, "im only 10 minutes away. Ill just come down and sign it."

About 10 minutes later, i hear a knock on the back door. I open the door and its a woman i don't recognize. Before i can say anything, she says, "its me!" and walks in like she's on a runway. I asked her, "wow, are you going out?" She laughed, pulled her sunglasses down and said, "why, yes, Just to sign some documents," and she winked.

I was struggling to process her transformation. Wild hair, well past her waist, eyelashes, Egyptian eye makeup, a 3/4 sleeve top with a 3" wide cutout right across her breasts, Guess shorts and Christian Lobutin Ankle Boots.

It was so cute to see the effort she put into this and it was the first genuine smile ive had in a long, long time.

Yesterday, i just told my wife that I'm done. I just let her go.

No point fighting to hold onto people.

She got what she asked for.