I Think I Learned Too Late:

Today has been a real struggle.

I’m sorry. It sounds like your wife can be cold and off putting and not willing to give you actual positives about yourself. It’s no wonder you get confused.

I'm tryin to accept this.

I miss talking about our days, how lavender smells, the way you can smell rain coming, what we had planned for our future.

Living in silent solitude is so hard for me.

I think the social trend has been slowly developing into a lot more self serving where society doesn’t know how to care and listen. It seems like many feel like you do, somewhat lonely and disconnected and reaching out turns into servicing the needs of others instead. I think that your wife doesn’t know how to give like you, so she gets uncomfortable and pushes you away by putting you down. It doesn’t mean you don’t have value as a person. Instead often it means others don’t know what valuing and respecting means.

I can't talk with guy friends on the deep level at which i desire to connect.

I believe you and this is a problem with men in that many don’t learn how to connect on a deep level. Instead they express frustration and blow up in anger.

I met a very cool Romanian chic at the event. She was actually working as kitchen staff and what a cool person to hang out with.

I got her to laughing with my broken Romanian.

Naturally, there were some uber-wealthy women there, but this woman had a really, extraordinarily sweet spirit that stood out.

No designer this and that this time, instead something real and better.

If you pay attention there are people who are capable of caring. They are people that see a turtle on the road and they take the time to stop and help it get to where it’s heading instead of it being at risk of getting run over.

Then there are the people who ONLY would do that if they knew people were watching. Otherwise, these fake people could not care a less about the turtle. Which person do you think has the ability to have a deep conversation that you so desire?

Wow!!!! Exactly!!!!!

This morning, i was moving stuff out of the home and realized that who my wife is now, and who she was when we met, are totally different people.

Remember the tall Latina at the airport cafe? We hadn't been there in 2 weeks and today, she was a totally different person. She was joking with us (the band) and all the guys asked me, "what did you do to her?"

I told them, "I just pointed out her value."

Before we left, i asked her, "Joanna, how is it that you look more beautiful every time i see you?"

She smiled and said, "its because you are so kind to me, it just makes me smile every time i see you."

Then, i told her as i was checking out, "You are my favorite part of coming here."

She smiled and said, "You are my favorite part of my dreams, God bless you and have a wonderful weekend.!"

Performing tonight.

I think what has changed is more about how you are finally seeing and experiencing who she really is, her true character.

So many things going through my head...

Having to move out of the house that has been my home the past 7 years.

Trying to sort through the stuff that needs to be moved

Renting a small storage.

Just seems so strange to be going through this at 57.

Unfortunately it happens to a lot of people in their 50’s. It’s not just you.

Funny, i asked for 30 days to move out and she charged me $1,000

She is showing you her true character.

Yet she has said a lot of mean things to you giving you glimpses of her true character all along.

Things were much more peaceful during our interaction yesterday. I guess the ending of our relationship is sinking in for both of us.

She has actually started telling a few people about the split, which surprised me.

Her "official" version of the split is that we simply discovered we were on different paths, no longer wanted/valued the same things, and decided to amicably end the relationship.

I think that's a good reason for public dissemination anyways.

I got the keys to my studio apartment today. Its smaller than the kitchen in the home I'm moving out of.

You are going to be ok ❤️ it’s just temporary.

Even after all of this, when i see my wife, i just melt inside.

We spoke last night about some financial issues. When we were speaking, she was dressed for bed in a long (not sexy) overshirt and messed up hair and no makeup and i have never seen a more beautiful woman, but i kept my composure.

I participated in the discussion and we came up with some solutions to a few outstanding problems.

Through the course of the discussion she said, "You are wearing your watch and your diamond bracelet, that's the first time I've seen you wear those in years, what's up with that?"

I answered, "Well, ive been moping around and being so broken and devastated over this break up and i just thought that i gotta change this mindset."

She said, "You know, i made you who you are."

I said, "No. You helped me rebuild my credit and you helped shape my outlook on life and for both of these things, i am eternally grateful to you, but you didn't make me smart, or giving, that's a gift from God, IMHO."

She said, "Yes, i suppose so, but when i think abput how all the time invested and its all going to be enjoyed by another woman, that bothers me."

But, there's no other woman, and i told her this. This breakup, the studio apartment, its all torally f**ked my self-esteem and self-worth, so I've got no plans to date anyone.

Men are so judged by their success and i don't even show up on the radar.

This woman is so unhealthy for you. You give her way too much power. She never helped you, she just used and abused you.

It’s sad that you don’t see this. Talk about a narcissistic discard. She is terrible.