I Think I Learned Too Late:

Oh, that one is easy to deal with. Think of contracts. She breached the contract many times in the past and continues to be in breach. She is not going to cure the breach. In many ways her breach is incurable anyway, because she cannot undo the past. Her breach of the contract releases you from your obligation to perform your end of the contract. Plus, it is not possible to perform your end anyway since she is not receptive to your showing of love and affection. So there is nothing you can do to help the situation now. You are not bound by the oath anymore.

Funny in a way....

Even after 4 years of zero physical intimacy, i never left, mentally, spritually or physically.

JTL,

I think I personally am out of ideas of how to help you abandon the belief that you need to remain committed to your soon to be former wife and behave in a super chivalrous way towards her with respect to financial affairs.

TCJ

The fact my loyalty was worth nothing keeps eating at me.

But, that's only because i value loyalty.

I'm changing.

Joking, of course! You are a lot of fun...

Strange....ever feel that huge changes are taking place that you have absolutely no control over, but they clearly feel like some unknown force is at work?

So, last night, my wife told me she and our 19 y/o daughter no longer "feels safe" with me in the house and asked that i leave immediately. Her adult Son was there (whom i really like and respect) and kind of helped mediate.

Their claims of not feeling safe made no sense whatsover, but it hinged around our 19 y/o daughter storing her dog's food in my room, then knocking for access to the food. I apparently said enter in a half awake half asleep state and jumped up out of the bed wearing only boxer briefs and socks.

Since our daughter has a past history of physical/sexual abuse, at the hands of her biological father, she claimed (according to her mother and her brother) she was "startled" and began to have "flashbacks" that triggered her.

I immediately blocked my wife and daughter from all avenues of contact and the Son and I agreed that he would be the point of contact going forward.

He volunteered to take over my portion of the mortgage, so i am free to access my funds, but he did ask if i would make my customery $1,600 portion of the mortgage payment to give him time to allocate funds.

The wife announced that she was terrified that i would try to take her home and pension.

On the one hand, i felt this last payment unreasonable, but then i considered the positive political effect of perhaps "reducing" the intensity of the situation by "purchasing" some artificial peace, or good will, so i am still exploring that option.

I'm pulling in favors from friends to get out of the home today/tonight before things escalate any further.

Idk, it sounds like your wife is trying to get you to move out to protect herself from losing any money in the divorce. Timing of this new fear development seems to be connected with your moving forward with divorcé which she probably got served.

How horrible that your wife’s daughter was physically and sexually abused by her own father

I hope your wife’s ex is in jail. Idk how one gets over their husband doing that to their own child. How can one trust any man after experiencing something like that?

Im sad that we stayed together so long that it cost us our friendship. Her friendship was so huge to me. I miss our walks and talks.

Meeting tonight to discuss exit strategies.

Meeting went well. Created exit strategies and all was very amicable.

When a person is exposed to a man who physically and sexually abuses his own child, that’s really bad, that’s like experiencing Lucifer bad That is something the nervous system never recovers from even when the victim so desperately wants it to go away.

I am sure you would never harm someone that way, unfortunately what you described triggered your wife’s daughter to react but not by conscious choice. Experiencing such an evil person leaves life long challenges that only those who have this challenge can understand and validate.

We struggled for years to win custody from her wealthy father. To this day, she still locks-up in therapy and we truly do not know the full extent of what she went through.

My wife is not at all the same person i knew.

Starting with a Kambo Ceremony (frog venom) in June of 2022, she also quickly moved into a Meso-American snuff called Ra-Pe, which was another part of her spiritual awakening.

Then, she began getting into the crystals and how each had a specific energy and purpose. This process brought greater and greater division between us due to the fact that we were not on the same vibrational frequencies.

What really seemed to just blow things up for us, was when she started playing you tube videos every morning from a public channel called Frankie's Just Tarot.

Over the past 3 weeks or so, the daily video "readings" were all centered around pulling people out of your life that "no longer serve you," and how you must do this in order to ascend to your full potential.

It got to the point, right after the breakup text on July 2, where i started watching those videos because i could predict how things were gonna go.

Oh I’m sorry but I don’t think any of that voodo type stuff is valid. I think it’s something that people gravitate to out of desperation. A desire for control over the unknown can be an effort to deal with trauma and uncertainty.

It got to the point that whatever the subject matter of those videos were, that's what transpired in my life, even to the point that phrases in the video would be repeated to me.

Yes, I believe you. Some of the things you have shared are attempts to elevate herself to some sort of high and you being demoted to suffering.

It’s very disordered behavior.

Does your wife drink or use drugs? Even taking drugs like Xanex or Klonopin can produce distorted and confused thoughts/moods.

No alcohol

No drug use, prescription or otherwise

No meat

For the first time in nearly 10 years, i have control of my finances.

Keep
It
That
Way

I agree.

This has been quite a journey.

Be too tough and she didnt feel like she could connect.

Be too soft and you are viewed as weak and she didn't feel safe.

I hate playing this game of balancing between being tough and being sensitive

That is called trauma bonding. You are constantly flip flopping to please someone else that will never really appreciate you. That’s why you are stuck in a low self esteem mindset.

You fall for women that play on you emotionally to control you.

What kind of man was your father? What male figures do you look up to?

Did you grow up with an unhappy mother who taught you to be trauma bonded?

Great Mom and Dad. Still alive and still married 67 years later. I was an only child. Great childhood, but the world absolutely sucked for me.