[agony007]

ARGH i am so angry!! my soon to be ex-husband and i spoke today after a while of not speaking. he told me that his kids "don't want to see my face"! this really upset me because i was there for him during his whole ordeal with family court and visitation. and I was the one to care for the kids during his visitation days when he had to go to work. i was the one to take them to the park. i was the one to play games with them. i was the one watching movies with them and listening to their problems. now that i don't want to be in a relationship with him, he had to go and talk s*&t to them about me. how immature! i know that this is something that is to be expected but it still hurt my feelings to hear him say that to me. ARGHHHH

[AAAAA]

(((((agony))))) You're right, he's being an immature ***. I'm so sorry.

The children could be resentfull that you are divorcing dad as you did so much with them they feel betrayed and miss you already, I know that my husbands ex wife and her children who he looked after for over six years (their dad had died so he was dad) was very resentfull towards him for leaving as he had done so much with them.

I think what I am saying is it wouldnt take much for 'dad' to turn them againts you but it wouldnt take much for you to get the love back if/when he calms down and lets you see them.

I am rambling I hope some of that made sence.

[Lenny]

I am sorry agony.

As you have admitted,,this "putting one against" the other is so very common in human exchanges when there are two sides to the conflict...

But value is not something simply discouraged by words. His children know where certain things came from but due to their present state of powerlessness and uncertainty they will sit quietly with their pain and confusion.

It is those little souls that are the true victims here...their world is again upside down...

Maybe a small card sent to them with a simple "I Love you" and a PS stating that they don't have to pick any side in this,,,that you will love them and will always be here for them if they need anything...and that your sorry that they are feeling uncertain...

IMHO.

Lenny

[Doh2007]

Is it possible that he is lying?

[sabby]

((((((((((((( agony ))))))))))))))) I hear your pain.....and I'm sorry you are going through this.

I want to say that I think Lenny is right on the money with his post. The kids really don't have a say in what is going on right now. They may be going along with Dad because well, that's where their allegience lies and they are with him. But it's true, they know who was there for them when they needed someone...and even if they don't think about that right now, they will in the future.

Great idea about sending them a note to let them know you care.

Hope things let up as this process moves along.


sabby

[kimmydawn]

I'm sorry this is happening.

Another thing to hang onto is that alot of times kids will act out and show their anger, hurt and frustration in situations like this to the parent that they actually feel more secure with...you. It indicates that they know your love for them is unconditional so they're venting at you with that knowledge...venting that hurt and anger...if it's the truth what he said. Of course, I wish they were venting to you and not at you right now.

I pray this eases soon and please stick close for support during this time.

KD

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((agony007)))))))))))))
That would upset me too. I'm so sorry that has happened. Maybe you could send the children a card for closure, though I don't know that they would get them. Hopefully as the children grow older, they will have more understanding and realize the positive influence you had in their lives.

[agony007]

thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. actually i found out he was lying Doh2007. apparently the kids were not on his side. he was crying yesterday saying that " not even his kids support him in his time of need". i don't know exactly what it was they said to him, but as per his statement it is evident that they were not passing judgment on my decision. i was relieved to hear this. though i did feel bad for my ex because i know that this has been very hard on him. but unfortunately for him my decision still stands and he is going to have to come to terms with the fact that i no longer want to be in this relationship.

[AAAAA]

As much as I hate to kick a man when he's down, sometimes you reap what you sow. Kids aren't stupid, they can be manipulated, but they're clever little animals.

[wanttoheal]

I'm so glad to hear that the children have not turned away from you agony. It's sad that he felt he had to do that to bring you down to where he was feeling. I'm glad you can have the peace of knowing that the children know the truth.

[Plan_B]

I am soooo sorry. For you and especially for the kids. I have been in these "unfair" situations and it can make you crazy but just stay focused on who you are and what you have done. Ultimately all we have is that we get to wake up in the morning and be us and they have to wake up in the morning and be them. Don't let his actions change you.