More uncovered

WEll after learning of my wife still "hanging out" with new guys and guys taht i dont know while i am here in Iraq (after she cheated on me earlier this year), I have been talking to her to try to get more closure. She apparantly wanted children right when we were married. She told me this soon after we settled into our first home, but the problem was that when we were engaged, i told her i wanted a wife that either was going to college, or had graduated college so she and i could start a family and could provide everything for our kids that my parents couldnt give to me. She said she was going to start college once we were married....and well she didnt. It took her two years to start college and i got it out of her that she wanted to have kids and then start college, and she was afraid to tell me bc she thought i was not going to marry her then. But who knows anymore? Her dishonesty started a long time ago and if she would've told me her true feelings, perhaps we would not be getting divorced? I think this was the seed that caused the friction in the marriage and her constantly getting on me about having a kid caused me alot of stress and become more distant from her and in turn, she became distant from me. But when she became distant from me, she went to ex bfs for support and affairs happened. What to do now?

Whenever a marriage is begun in some kind of deception, it has a huge hurdle for both to overcome down the road. It can very easily bring the marriage to an end

If there is no communication of truth, then the relationship is based solely on an untruth which of course is not a basis for a good and lasting relationship.

I'm not saying that your wife was being deceptive with intent to harm you, but certainly it was for her benefit without thought to trust and respect. If the both of you cannot get onto the same page respectively working towards commitment and truth, then do you think any efforts outside of that will be worth your time? If you are willing to forgive her transgressions, do you truly feel she will step up and be honest? What is your gut telling you? Listen to it over your heart. Do you wish to live your life continually finding out about her untruths? Unless she admits to her mistakes and works to change herself, then do you think it will just happen and everything will be fine?

I know these are some hard questions to ask yourself and her. No one wants to admit that their relationship is unworkable. Sometimes though we must protect ourselves, cut our losses and move on.....learning from the experience. And granted...sometimes we hang on tight and work like there is no tomorrow to make the situation work. Only you can decide where to go from here.

I'm sorry you are in this position. I do hope you find a workable solution for yourself and that you can find peace in whatever you decide to do.

Take good care,


sabby