i cant stop crying- the world is spinning out of control

HI! I'm new to this forum.
Background: married a 26year man (im 27) in july at the courthouse. We bought a house together in august. We were having the big wedding on new year's eve. We've been together 1 1/2 years. We had bickering fights but nothing big. We were best friends and husband and wife (or so i was told constantly). He served two tours in Iraq and we got together a month after he came home. He wanted kids in June.
Current situation:
He left me a week before my bridal shower. He says he loves me like a sister or like his mom but fell out of love with me as a wife. We were intimate up to the day he dumped me. The night he dumped me I went to his parents to find out what to do and say about the wedding. He tells me now that that sealed the deal. He has been staying with an ex-friend of mine (one he called a psycho loser drama queen with no future) who happens to be an ex-gf of his best friend. He says he will date her after the divorce but not right now. This horrible girl (20 yrs old) has been texting me constantly. About how to take the bad to get to the good and SMILE you're being thought of. But she did turn the corner and told me when i asked her to relay a message to him about drill (b/c he changed his number and it was urgent) that I should get over it and move on b/c he's moved on. The illiterate girl wrote me that he has "her and their roomie to help he threw anything and promises he need's nothing from me now"- this made me laugh. But he asked me not to contact him, stay away from his friends (whom he didn't tell) and his family for 3 months. I have been doing what he asked but he did call me monday for 3 hours when he went to work and he came over and i was so sad i did make love with him. he said things just got more complicated, i've lost weight (15 lbs in the last month), the house looks great. He just stared at me in the car ride home. I tried to keep it casual (no i love you come back- it just pisses him off). He initiated a long kiss when he got out of the car. I didn't expect to hear from him tues but he called again when he got to work. I didn't hear from him last night which made me sad but I think he's playing games with me. The former friend sent me a pic of the xmas tree he bought them (almost identical to the one i set up) and then she posted on facebook to all our friends that she's in a relationship but its complicated.

I don't know what to do. I'm leaving him alone. I love him. This is NOT him. The him is usually quite sweet and generous. The him i know does not SKIP SCHOOL and WORK! He wants to party...they are more fun than me...i'm only a gnag and a complain jane. I feel like im playing by his rules but they are sending me messages to outright hurt me. He says he doesn't love this girl, would like to date her and be with her and then work on things with me 3 months after the divorce. I told him to come home he needs to apologize to our families, get an std check, stop seeing that whole group of people or talking or texting forever, and he needs to go to counselling. He said "no **** i'd give them up". How are they sooo important he can't give them up now but in 3 months he can? he says he never thought about dating her until i accused him of it when i found out he was sleeping on her couch. I cry all the time (started seeing a therapist today). I want to stop loving him. I want to stop thinking about this. I want to get over this as fast as he has gotten over me.
Please give me your point of view. Anything helps right now.

Sounds like he is having a mid life crisis but at a young age ,could be due to his tour in Iraq , he really does need some help. He also thinks the grass is greener on the other side not to worry little one , the grass is never greener on the other side. You need to step back & let him think this out. The old expression goes if you llove something set it free , if it doesn't come back to you , it never really was. Try to keep yourself busy with you friends and family. Try to restrain from giving all up to him when in his arms , let him think about what he wants.

First of all, welcome to pc. I'm glad you've found us. I'm also glad you started therapy. He served two tours in Iraq, and he's so young. It's possible he saw this as his chance to "live" before being "tied down". Definately not saying it's right in any way at all. You said he won't consider counselling? Because PTSD is always a possiblity with our vets. I know you have to be hurting so bad and getting these texts from "her" are hurtful and childish on her part. Can you block the number? You should not have to deal with that. You said you had had an important message about drill for him? Is he still reserves? If he changed his number, you are not his answering service..."I'm sorry, he doesn't live here anymore." You don't need to put yourself through that. It sounds like he really needs to work on somethings he's burying and not being honest about. Try to believe you are doing the right thing by insisting he cut ties with these people, get tested and start counselling. As far as wanting to get over him like he has gotten over you--it doesn't sound like he has really gotten over you and you can't just turn your love on and off like a switch...it will take some working through and some hurt, hon. I'm so sorry for you having to go through this.

Update: he called again this morning to see how my therapy went. He told me he is moving forward with dating this girl and just wanted to tell me. Then he asked me to come meet him at his work and bring lunch. when i went down to his job it was basically the same conversation we had on the phone. Only he accused me of starting the drama with this girl and that she insists she hasn't texted me but maybe sent out the texts to everyone in her phone. I asked him to have some respect for me and ask her to delete me from his phone but he told me i'm almost 28, i need to grow a thicker skin and ignore it. He told me after today's whining about this issue I hurt my case with him and now he's not sure he ever wants to come back. i apologized for fighting with him, told him i love him and am ready to talk whenever he is and goodbye. He called me back and gave me his new cell number but told me not to text or call it. He insists that i have not by abiding his wishes (i haven't talked to his friends in weeks or to his mom in like a week). He blames me for everything and forgets this girl cheated on his best friend and the boyfriend beforehand. He says he doesn't care i love him, he wants to find someone he can love too. in 3 months we will work on friendship and THEN maybe date but until then i should start dating someone new b/c it will make me feel better. I told him im not that kind of woman who can move on when im not even divorced yet and its been a month. I'm so tired of this. He was nice all week and then picked a fight and blamed me for it.

I am sorry you are going through this srengel81. I know it is hard...

Your not going to change him. Whatever has caused him to become this different person is out of your control. He may need serious help...that again is his choice to ask for it.

If you want a different reaction from him though,,you can change. Try not calling or returning any attempt of his at contacting you. Make a commitment to yourself to do that for three days..Nothing..zilch...

Then on the forth day,,answer his call...don't make one...

Then answer his questions honestly. You will not be at his beccon call,,be his doormat or take his abuse.

You married him for a husband and partner and if he can't be that,,,well Good Luck with his choices...

And please think long and hard about making "love" with this man...it sounds like his choices lately have been rather mindless and that can hurt you...long term..

Please be carefull and take control of your life...

With Care,

Lenny