It happened after 24 years!

We were married 24 friggin years! Divorce was his idea. So why is he dragging out the process before during and now after the divorce (3 month ago)?

Stressfull enough but then there's the depresssion, anxiety, adhd, insomnia.

No chistrimas decorations up (Too much effort) I got the stuff out to make gingerbread men but that's a far as that got a week ago. It's still on the counter. It's not the season, I just can't get it together anytime of year. My house is clutter and mess and dirty laundry and dirty dishes.

I have to be at work for 8 hours. I struggle to function and work. I just want to get up and leave after about 3 hours.

Is anybody dealing with divorce and mental health problems too? I struggle to get up and survive the day until it's time to try and go to sleep. I have a pdoc and a t but i am so alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone. Kids are grown and live far far away. So it's just me. I posted a thread in pets about emotional support animals but nobody replied yet.

T says work on automatic negative thoughts. Got lots of them. Over and over and over. So now I know I have them. They still invade me even in my dreams.

So, is there anyone out there with any thoughts or advice for me? I could really use it

(((((Perkypower))))) I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, especially now. Going through the motions is all you can do right now. Are there any support groups locally for recently separated/divorced? A friend recently went through this and said that although he initially had little hope for the group he was desperate and it turned out to be just what he needed. You’re certainly not alone, we’re here for you.

Perkypower,

Hi, well, 24 years is a long time together to just one day up and leave. I know it happens a lot these days, narcissism is rampant and people always are trying to find happiness. I've been married for nearly 36 years and somedays my wife and I wonder why. Seems like there is nothing to keep us together. The kids are grown and gone and we have 6 grandkids.

Then one day it all changed, my wife became more athletic and started losing weight. I used to beg her to be active with me and she wouldn't. I had a female friend that I took walks with, had dinner with and rode bikes with. My wife found out and that was the catylist for her change. She felt I was having an affair, I never did anything with her but, I guess it hurt her. Now she has reservations about our relationship. I still love my wife very much and want to stay with her.
I think it will work out. My mental illness and all this emotional pressure is taking a toll on me. I just try to take one day at a time and hope for the best.

Good luck to you,

[quote=perkypower;898689]

Hi Perkey,

I'm not going through a divorse of 24 years which is a major life change event for you right now .
I am alone , I also have not and will not be decorating this christmas in my not as cluttered but still very cluttered not cleaned apartment that no one is getting inside but me . I also have to work .

I like to decorate BTW . I have some very fine onamnets. have some that stay up all year.. so I really don't have to decor....

I know what its like to be so sad and hurt and scared that you don't want anyone to find you. And to want to walk away from working . I did it many times.

The negative thoughts . They came crashing in big time from being on the wrong forum and then something else happened . I almost didn't pull through.

I found some old tapes from when I started recovery years ago . Lots of subliminal tapes . One I have is very good . It was a mans voice that repeated affirmations in three statements .

like

You , Perky are loving and caring.
I , Perkey am loving and caring
She , Perkey is loving and caring

theres a whole list like
you are talanted
you are gratious
you are spontaneous
you are funny
you are compationate
you are attractive

people enjoy being with you.... you sure about that?
etc etc ..

It was like having a man telling me directly , then I would tell myself then , he would be professing that others that I was loving and caring.

He has a very nice voice too. I wish I had his phone number ....

I played those tapes sometimes for eight hours while I was working for a week . It was how I made it through. Im due for a tune up.

Lets keep in touch and maybe see if we can gather a few other people who are having the same ADHD clutter dissorganization negative self thoughts who are now alone and need to get to the place where we can get out there again.. whata ya say?
Im game .

well I hope to be ..

I'm sorry about the lack of response about therapy animals.
I have a dog and shes the best .




Patricia

perkypower, I have been married for 21 years and will be finalizing my divorce in the next month. Divorce was my idea, but it has still been painful. It is not like it is easy for one person and hard for the other. It is hard for both, no matter who initiates. I would say your process is probably going slowly because of the pain. My therapist says it takes 2-3 years to get over a divorce, from start to finish. Be kind to yourself and give yourself some space to grieve.

I hope this approach is helpful and healing for you. If you keep at it for months and don't make progress, it might be worth considering some other types of therapy that take a different approach. I do think people need to grieve when the marriage ends and it can be a long process.

I think a divorce support group can be very helpful. I didn't do one, but that's what I've heard. Your T will probably know of one to recommend. Or you can google it in your city.

RE emotional support from animals-- I remember when I moved out of the bedroom I shared with my H and into the downstairs guest bedroom, it was a very painful time and I cried most nights in bed. One of my cats would come sit right next to my head and put his paw on my arm and look right into my eyes. He had never done that before. He just knew I needed something, and he gave what he could. Do you have a pet or are you thinking of getting one?

I was only married a year my husband was abusive. We have been seperated 5 months now. My mental illnes got very bad when I lived with him... Anyway, here if you need to talk. Being alone sucks

Thanks for writing, all of you. I take steps forward and it seems like lately it's been emotionally many steps backward. I'm trying to find out more about emotional support animals. But it's makes me nervous that i might jepordize my apartment and get kicked out.

This is my second Christmas since we separated. first one since divorced. I guess this time of year i feel more alone and isolated and overwhelmed.