[SweetSunshine]

I want to be pretty, I want to be skinny or at least thinner. I am fat and ugly. And I want to do something about it. This week was horrible. I am an emotional eater. I have chosen ~yes I am taking ownership of this~ to eat my feelings away. And now I see what a bad thing it was to do. I dont look good in any of my clothes now. Not that i did before but now I am major ugly. I am willing to do what I probably shouldnt do , but i feel its my only option right now.That is to make myself throw up after I eat. I have tried numerous weight loss programs and nothing helps. I dont want to go to the gym either.I dont want anyone to see me like this. And alls I can do right now is cry. because it was my choice. please help me. I need this to stop. I cant seem to get it under control.

[h0kie]

First, I think you're pretty (I know you don't believe me, but I think so).

Second, I feel your frustration and your pain. How many times have I considered exactly what you are considering. But we can't do it, Beth. We can't go down that road.

If you want a diet buddy...look no further. I'll even talk on the phone for you. If you're like me...you need someone to tell you no. No matter what you say. No.

Let's help each other? Whaddya say?

It doesn't have to be like this --->

[wanttoheal]

************* TRIGGER***************

You want to start throwing up? If you haven't yet, you might want to consider this.... Throwing up will kill you, a slow horrid death. I have been doing it for so long that it is automatic which means "No hands mom". I have trouble breathing sometimes and swallowing sometimes. I have medical problems that will probably never go away. I live in constant fear that throat cancer is in my future at some point. I have been trying to stop forever.

I didn't start to be thin or pretty. I don't even remember starting but I do know that I have always wanted to completely disappear.

Throwing up knocks your electrolytes to hell and that can cause a heart attack and stroke. Your kidneys and liver can fail. Throwing up makes your body swell up and even if you lose weight, your face looks fatter.

So, if you want to continue, go ahead, but don't do it uninformed. You have a choice.

[mortimer]

She said it wonderfully. B/P cycles are so horrid for your body. Weight yo-yo-ing is bad too.

Emotional eating is something rooted in the mind, do you know your underlying causes of it for you? It's not going to get easier and better until you learn better coping strategies. You want to stop it, that's awesome, go get some help. Don't be ashamed of you, there's nothing to be ashamed of. You can do it, and get through it. Keep your head above the water and keep going on.

[Genevieve]

Wanttoheal said it better, because she was speaking from her own experience, but I'll second her.

What's on the front page of every newspaper today? Terri Schiavo -- whose bulimia caused her heart to stop! When you think about vomitting for weight control, think of that.

As Mortimer pointed out, emotional eating is learned behavior which can be replaced by more productive coping strategies. More important, though, would be getting therapy to address your self-image problems.

And trust me on this one: working those out will certainly do more for you than any amount of vomitting.

[mj14]

Beth,

I'm not sure if this fits you, but you may want to look at this info on Binge Eating Disorder

Compulsive Overeating is a similar disorder...there is information on COE here .

To add purging would only serve to move from one eating disorder to another. One of the issues with BED and COE is that diets don't work for people who suffer from these disorders, because food has become more than nourishment, it is friend and enemy, love and hate, every emotion wrapped up in one.

The program that seems to be the most helpful for these disorders is the concept of intuitive eating. This is one book on the subject - Intuitive Eating . There are also several books by Geneen Roth , who is very well known for her programs and books about compulsive overeating.

In case it isn't obvious by now, this is something that I struggle with as well. So let's keep talking, ok? There really are healthy ways out of this disorder, and purging isn't one of them.

*hugs*
Jo