[MikeyB]

Hi, I need help. I had a lovely, kind, sexy and loving girlfriend who I started seeing Jan of last year and whom I would do anything for. At the time she was a size 14. She has been affected by a great many things in her life and has always felt almost alone. We saw each other as much as we could but there was always things standing in the way...I cant go into what but sufficed to say we loved each other very much and I loved her as a peron and the way she looked. I told hr this everyime I saw her.... A bout a year ago now she started losing weight. A lot of weight. She over exercises and eats hardly nothing knowing exactly how many calories are in everything. I dont know girly stuff but she is now sub size 8 the last time I saw her - she now wears childrens clothes. She has very little self worth but to me she is the world. Over the last 6 months I have seen her very little, each time I did I got a warning not to mention her weight she knows she has gone to far. We have always talked alot but seen each other less and less. About 2 month ago she split up with me and to b quite honest I actd quite freaky, doing alot more harm than good and putting extra pressure on her. She tells me she just needs to be left alone. This was 2 months ago. I am so concerned about her. She always believed she had nearl no one and I fear she is really going to hurt herself. I must have caused this as she was ok before and if she wants me out of her life than I will do it but I love her too much to let her hurt herself. Please. Should I leave her alone??

[Genevieve]

First off, you didn't cause this. Whatever causes Anorexia Nervosa is already there, waiting to be triggered by something -- but that doesn't mean it was triggered by you in any way. It just means that the timing was coincidental.

As for what you can do, if anything, that's hard. She probably does know that she's in trouble, but that doesn't mean that she can admit it or do anything about it. What I would suggest to you depends a lot on the situation -- is she livinng with her parents? Alone? Dorms? Working? Going to school? You know, the practical things. They count, because there are things that you can try, but what those things are will be different in all those situations.

Meanwhile, educate yourself. A good place to start is reading the information available at sites such as www.somethingfishy.org, or www.anad.org. Learn what you can from those sites, and see if they have any suggestions for someone in your situation.

Good luck.

[Eva1nder]

Hi ...I agree with Genevieve...this is not your fault.

You care alot and are frustrated and want her to be ok, which is understandable.

Another site which is very helpful is www.pale-reflections.com

Under the section "how can I help" it will point out to you that the person may be in extreme denial and what the eating disorder is "really" more about.

She may not want to admit to it or maybe she just isn't ready to and even then she's got to want to get help.

I think that this section might really be of help to you.

I had to use this section to help someone and myself.

I myself struggle in this area so I'm familiar with it.

Please take care and I hope you can understand this better. I also hope your ex can want to get help and get well.

Take care
Eva