[FelineHeart]

My sister in law just emailed me and the
rest of the family asking everone to come to her house
for the football playoffs on Saturday. Luckily I work
out on that day and I'm going to have to think of an
excuse that sounds really honest. Just another excuse
for one of thier pig-out fests and she(sister in law) had no trouble
mentioning how much food there would be there either.
I had a feeling that once hubby's mother and sister saw
me after the weight loss that that's EXACTLY what
would happen and I was dead on. Of course they'll try
to put me on a guilt trip for not going to this
craptacular but honestly my nerves could never handle
it. I almost cried when I saw her email and almost
started to have a panic attack. Christmas day with them was bad enough my mother in law was using every chance she had to try to fatten me up. A lovely,civilized & rational way for a 70 year old woman and her 46 year old daughter to act. Don't you think? I am very proud that I could lose the 40 + pounds since last February without throwing up and I was sad when I slipped at Christmas when I had to go over there but there was so much food it was overwhelming and mother in law made sure to get hubby a big box of chocolates as a gift(knowing her hoping I'd eat half the box). I will be 40 in May and I've been bulimic for 20 years and by the grace of God still have my teeth and my health. I'm desperately trying to stop throwing up and have been successful up until Christmas day when I had to spend it with them. See, They use every excuse they can for a pig-out fest and to me, someone with an eating disorder,especially after successfully losing over 40 pounds the healthy way for which I'm so proud of and I know I don't wanna ever gain that weight back, It's my worst nightmare. I'll look forward to the moment whenI finally get to see my new therapist to help me out with this crap that I have to deal with. Did I also mention that they are all morbidly obese and the father in law(Who also badgers me to eat eat eat cause God forbid I should be small) is on some 35 + medications for just about every health problem known to man. I hope you all dont think that I'm putting down the obese, I was just pointing out the fact that they dont care enough to take care of thier problem and they think that it would be easier to fatten me up than it is for them to lose weight.It's also their attitude that they have had towards me for the last 10 years. I am finally in my weight range and very proud of what I have accomplished and dont wanna keep hurting myself like this so I can't even have that kind of temptation right now cause I haven't recovered from this. Thanks of listening guys. This really freaks me out that his family are careless & severely compulsive overeaters . I'm scared

[backandforth]

ohhhhh hun ((((((felineheart))))) 1st of all, be proud of yourself for not purging until christmas and most importantly for losing the weight the HEALTHY weight. if you are at a good weight now and want to maintain it though you have to keep doing the things you did to get to this point, ie. healthy & balanced diet, exercise, talking to a therapist might be a very good idea (you mentioned you'd see one soon). it's a lifestyle change not just about dropping pounds right? your in-laws have their own issues to deal w/ but you don't have to be like them or even feel guilty for choosing a healhty lifestyle. I know that the years add up w/ having an ed, but I honestly believe that you CAN make it through this. it's difficult but as you have already proven to yourself it can be done to take small steps and see great results.

don't be too hard for slipping up on christmas, I had a really tough time w/ the holidays, all the food was overwhelming along w/ social obligations. but I also know myself and know which kind of situations and food trigger me.. could you maybe have the next get together at your place and prepare the food, making sure to have things you feel comfortable with? If they want your company I'm sure they can surivive not having their 'food fests' occasionally and maybe even learning about new recipes, ideas from you... if you feel comfortable enough making the food and stuff. also, you don't have to go to these things, if you know it'll trigger you. things like christmas are kind of inevitable but for ex. you could say you don't like sports for this upcoming event....

I know they're part of your family know but you also have to remember that you CAN distance yourself from triggering situations and that you have a right to do so. you can spend time w/ them in other ways. you can't change their lifestyles but you can take charge of your own. I really hope you will be okay.....

[FelineHeart]

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backandforth said:
ohhhhh hun ((((((felineheart))))) 1st of all, be proud of yourself for not purging until christmas and most importantly for losing the weight the HEALTHY weight. if you are at a good weight now and want to maintain it though you have to keep doing the things you did to get to this point, ie. healthy & balanced diet, exercise, talking to a therapist might be a very good idea (you mentioned you'd see one soon). it's a lifestyle change not just about dropping pounds right? your in-laws have their own issues to deal w/ but you don't have to be like them or even feel guilty for choosing a healhty lifestyle. I know that the years add up w/ having an ed, but I honestly believe that you CAN make it through this. it's difficult but as you have already proven to yourself it can be done to take small steps and see great results.

don't be too hard for slipping up on christmas, I had a really tough time w/ the holidays, all the food was overwhelming along w/ social obligations. but I also know myself and know which kind of situations and food trigger me.. could you maybe have the next get together at your place and prepare the food, making sure to have things you feel comfortable with? If they want your company I'm sure they can surivive not having their 'food fests' occasionally and maybe even learning about new recipes, ideas from you... if you feel comfortable enough making the food and stuff. also, you don't have to go to these things, if you know it'll trigger you. things like christmas are kind of inevitable but for ex. you could say you don't like sports for this upcoming event....

I know they're part of your family know but you also have to remember that you CAN distance yourself from triggering situations and that you have a right to do so. you can spend time w/ them in other ways. you can't change their lifestyles but you can take charge of your own. I really hope you will be okay.....

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Well, here's the problem ...
With them, I can bring all of the healthy foods that I'd feel comfortable with but they would still try to get me to eat the super fattening foods. When I first met my husband I was small , but not as small as I am now and they were doing this to be back then and when I put on all the extra weight, they stopped hmmmmm.... Now they are back at it again with full force just as I predicted. Anyway, My husband already made an excuse for us but his mother keeps emailing me and I;m sure she will every morning until Saturday. I already have a back-up story planned. I swear, They need to get a life!

[Maven]

I suggest you get a book on being more assertive, if you have a problem getting them to take no for an answer. I'd be nice at first, but eventually, I'd become quite firm: "LOOK. I. don't. want. any. Thank. you." And if they still kept at it, I'd start pointing out their obesity and health problems, which you mentioned they have, and give them a bunch of health facts. They would probably consider me rude at that point, but it's not rude, IMO. Some people force you to be "rude" to get your point across. If that wasn't enough, I'd start yelling. OR, I might just jump to the last point: "Honey, come on. I want to go home." (Hopefully, your husband would support you in this; if not, well, there's another problem to deal with. And, for the record, he should be standing by you during all the previous mess of trying to communicate "NO" to them.) If he wouldn't go with you, drive yourself, if possible. If it's not, you might look into calling a cab or taxi, or at least going somewhere to wait by yourself until your husband was ready to go home (and again, if he let you do this, then he's a problem, too). Since you said your husband already made an excuse, I'm assuming he's a good guy and will support you.

I'm obese, and I envy people who eat right and keep healthy, whether they always have, or developed the skill later in life.