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#1
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Ok. So I'm tired of being fat. I'm really sick of it. I feel the need to throw up everything (though I have never actually done it). I want to stop eating again.. But I know my friends/family/discipleship lady willfund out convince me to eat and then I'll gain it all back again!!! Everyone keeps telling me et this do this excercise. What do you think I've been doing the past 6 years of my life? In 16 and 5' 1" 150lbs. I'm sick of this. I hear taller girls talk about how they'd re 100 pounds and blah blah blah. I wish. I want to be 100 pounds. I wantto be light and beautiful and THIN. I dint have an "eating disorder" but I'm obsessed with numbers. I want my weight to go down and I like to see how low my calorie intake can get. I'm sick of six years of diets, crying, being overweight, and feeling fat all the time. I wan to be beautiful. I want to feel small. Not like my huge thighs and stomach that slightly sticks out and my cursed mothers ankles. I need something I can stick to. I feel discouraged. I feel trapped, kill me.
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![]() Aloneandafraid, Anika., Suki22
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![]() caseygirl
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#2
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Just one thing "EVERYBODY" beautiful'. You think you want what I have a full blown ED you don't trust me on that one. It's horrible to have it trust me on that one to. I'm 47 and been dealing with ED now for years.
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![]() Betty_Banana
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#3
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The saddest part of that whole rant was your comment "beautiful and thin"'
please understand beauty is inside AND outside. |
#4
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Yeas I know. But it seems like the world doesn't care anymore if your only beautiful on the inside and not out.
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![]() Anika.
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#5
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I agree. I'm 40 and have been overweight my entire life. I was a fat baby, fat kid, fat teenager, and fat adult. However I'm attractive, intelligent, educated, have a great career, fun personality, eat properly, and am in great health. But none of that matters because being overweight automatically marks me as UN-DATEABLE by every man I've ever met. All people care about are looks and it makes me sick. ![]() |
![]() Anika., Suki22
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#6
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When I read this.. I feel like i'm reading someone else's post. I am a completely different person from this.
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![]() eskielover, Melmo
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#7
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I was always the fat girl, once weighed 260 pounds. Always felt like a loser, clumsy, ugly and would dream at night that I would wake up and be 140 pounds.
Long story short, I am 140 pounds now and I have an ED and am going through hell. This isn't what l thought it was going to be like. Sure I can fit into a size 12 instead of a size 24, but who cares, only me and all I want to do is get thinner. It's never enough with me, and quite frankly, I never thought I'd be referred to an Eating Disorder program due to this problem. It was different when I was fat, I used to view things differently, used to look or read about anorexia and think, "why can't they just eat". Hmmmm, kinda coming true for me these days and I understand now that an ED is a mental illness. |
![]() Aloneandafraid, Anika.
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![]() Aloneandafraid
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#8
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![]() Aloneandafraid, caseygirl, HealingTimes
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![]() Aloneandafraid, Anika., buttrfli42481, caseygirl
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#9
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![]() Anika.
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#10
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It's possible! I hope you find the TRUE peace that I have. Even though I am not perfect.I find new grace everyday.
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![]() Aloneandafraid, Anika., caseygirl
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#11
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You're 16, 5'1" and 150lb? You're probably going to hate me for this, but you are NOT "fat"!! Another thing you'll hate me for - you're still so young, still growing, how do you know in four years time you won't weigh 100lb without dieting?
I've been on both sides of the coin; from 12 I was desperate to lose my 'puppy fat' and just stopped eating. It worked, obviously. But at a cost - I looked awful, skin and bone, terrible skin, no energy, in pain all the time. By my early 20s and after my first child I was the opposite. 5'4" and almost 20st. Could not stop eating and didn't exercise at all. Agoraphobia didn't help. I then got roped into joining slimming world and it did wonders for me. I was eating healthily for once and never felt better. That's not a 'diet', it's just good eating habits and being healthy mind and body. Now, I'm back not eating again because of anxiety, it's not fun at all. I don't want to become overweight again either but if I could bring myself to adopt that healthy lifestyle again I would. Don't let this rule your life. If you're honestly that unhappy then join somewhere like I did, just do it safely with expert advice and support. Everyone here saying EDs aren't fun are SO right. You don't want to go down that road. |
![]() Aloneandafraid
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![]() Aloneandafraid
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#12
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![]() Aloneandafraid, eskielover
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#13
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#14
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Being thin in my case doesn't make me look pretty it seriously acted in the opposite way IMO
__________________
![]() Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
![]() Aloneandafraid
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