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#1
Dec 12, 2011, 11:11 PM
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I feel like crying. I feel like things are out of my control. I feel like everything is so distant yet in my face. I feel like it makes me crazy, but then with out it what would I be? Is life so shallow I can not be fully engaged, or is it too deep I am gasping for air? I can not let things engulf me. Is it passion or obsession? Some one PLEASE free me !!!
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 notablackbarbie
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 I'mNotReal
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#2
Dec 13, 2011, 12:27 AM
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| notablackbarbie
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#3
Dec 14, 2011, 01:19 AM
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Starving, but afraid. I just can't do it. I am so scared.
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| buttrfli42481, notablackbarbie
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#4
Dec 14, 2011, 09:59 PM
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Quote:
 we're all cheering for you. AND YES YOU CAN DO IT!
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#5
Dec 14, 2011, 11:32 PM
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I'm with you hang in there..
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#6
Dec 15, 2011, 12:54 AM
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Thanks brokenlegsofthelamb and avoice.
I feel so all alone. Like I have this big dark secret, yet everyone can see right through me. I want everyone to know I am okay, yet I want them to know I am HURTING. I hurt and am torn and broken all the time. I am ashamed. I can't stand it. |
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#7
Dec 15, 2011, 08:54 AM
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Quote:
our problems are too awful to share with anyone. you NEED to have someone to share this with. people do see through us, though it's usually concern, not condemnation, on their part. it's okay to tell people we're having a hard time. they don't HAVE to know EVERY detail, like on ophra, ha, ha! take care! |
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#8
Dec 16, 2011, 12:06 AM
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I have tried the therapy route. I didn't like it. She just wanted to throw meds at me, and throw me into a program. I don't need it. Really, I don't.
I feel like everyone demands perfection. Everyone can see that I am crumbling inside yet they demand more and more. I strive for perfection, yet it is always just out of my reach. I shall aim higher. Why do people possess such penetrating eyes? They are condemming me! I always here "why would you do that, your so ...blah blah blah blah blah"!!! Why would they care? I am so horrible. I can never be good enough for them! Sorry I am ranting. But here I can rant with privacy from those who think they know me so well! |
| notablackbarbie
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| notablackbarbie
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#9
Dec 16, 2011, 12:53 AM
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#10
Dec 16, 2011, 10:16 AM
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Quote:
find one that "fits." honey, who are the "they" that are condemning you? perfection in anything doesn't happen, Can I cry??? we look at what we want to change one step, NOT MILE! at a time. we slip, FORGIVE OURSELVES, and get back with it. nobody can do more than that. |
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#11
Dec 18, 2011, 01:25 PM
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((((hugs))))
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#12
Dec 20, 2011, 01:14 PM
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I know it's hard and it will most likely be the hardest thing you will do but you have to keep fighting for yourself.
You don't have to put up a front to others. Let them know that things are not okay. It's the only way they will know things aren't okay. They are not mind reader. It's okay for you not to be the strong one. You are aloud to break down and you are aloud to cry. You have every right to live a life without this disease. You have every right to be angry, upset, sad, happy, or whatever emotion you have at the time. Be true to yourself and your emotions and things will get better with time. I'm here if you need anything <3 <3
__________________
Keep fighting the good fight. <3 |
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#13
Dec 21, 2011, 12:03 AM
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Thank you Broken, mward, and Cheza.
The 'they' is perfectionism of my family, the people, I work with, my boss. There is so much pressure all the time. Thin is in, fat is out. I hear it. Skinny is smart, fat is dumb. I can never be skinny enough. I made some comment today about holiday snacking, and the lady responded where the heck are you hiding it, 'cause I sure don't see it. BUT I DO!!!! How can she say that? I see fat all the time. I know people look me up and down all the time...I can't help but know what they're thinking. I can't let them see me hurting. I don't want to be viewed as weak. I just can't! 
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#14
Dec 23, 2011, 10:20 AM
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#15
Dec 24, 2011, 12:58 PM
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Quote:
AND  the lamb.
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#16
Jan 04, 2012, 02:14 AM
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I had difficult time during the holidays. I am so glad their over with.
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| ariadna, eskielover, Lizabelle
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| brokenlegsofthelamb, eskielover, Lizabelle
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#17
Jan 04, 2012, 04:13 PM
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i hate admitting i find the holidays stressful. how is everyone else coping right now?
Bee, anika, avoice, and everyone else? hopefully better. love and hugs. |
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#18
Feb 18, 2012, 05:38 PM
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Keep working on ut! I have an excruciating time crying but it doesn't mean sometime it's not going to happen. I was given strong messages at a young age it was a ssign of weakness it's something I'm working thru with my doc to break thru.
__________________
Life is a juorney not a destination--Souza "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.". - Chinese Saying :idea2 |
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#19
Feb 20, 2012, 10:57 PM
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Are you able to break through sometimes? ( Wounded Heart)
I am here for you!
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#20
Feb 20, 2012, 10:58 PM
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This is how I feel today
   Will it ever stop???
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#21
Feb 22, 2012, 07:46 AM
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I relate to the demands for perfection so deeply. Nmh mother, who does not live with me is the first to criticize my life and how I'm conducting it. She wants all my ducks in a line. She's extremely intrusive and has this delusion that the world revolves around her and her demands of me. She expects me to be perfect in every way, from how I dress, to my makeup to my speech and dialect, to how my house looks and yes she randomly walks in and criticizes its appearance as if there's too much clutter. She continually tells my I need to donate my things to goodwill but wint donate any of her thousands of things herself. I swear she vicariously lives her life, needs, wants and desires thru me because she can't do for herself so she wields her control over me and makes me miserable. And what makes it harder is because she's hard on me I have the uncanny ability to raise the bar to a higher standard to even more unachievable. I constantly upset, down depressed and cant even let out my emotions because I feel for me that just a sighn of weakness and proving I can't do it. Why does this have to be so has?
__________________
Life is a juorney not a destination--Souza "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.". - Chinese Saying :idea2 |
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#22
Feb 28, 2012, 12:27 AM
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I'm sorry woundedheart1. My mom is critical too. I can't even drive her across town with out her questioning my reasoning for taking the route I did.
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#23
Feb 28, 2012, 12:31 AM
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Life sucks today..
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#24
Mar 01, 2012, 04:54 PM
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#25
Mar 10, 2012, 09:51 PM
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Quote:
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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