[SingDanceRunLife]

I've had a lot of trouble with body image issues for many years. I've always been on the thin side, but haven't been happy with my body for a long time.

I've gone through many periods of restricting in an attempt to lose weight, and it's started again.

I know it's unhealthy, and that I shouldn't do it, but I can't help it.

The thought of eating even a normal amount makes me cringe...and then eating a normal amount makes me want to puke.

[buttrfli42481]

I know how you are feeling, as this is how I have been feeling lately. I haven't been to my dietician for 3 weeks because of scheduling conflicts, and don't really want to go back. However, I know that I need to because she told me that she won't let me gain too much weight, even if I think it is too much. She helps keep me centered. I just know that I don't want to have to go back inpatient because I would have to go either across the state or out of state since our local ED center closed due to funding. I hope you are able to see the light and start being able to eat a "normal" amount again.

[Victoria'smom]

I know how you feel

[SingDanceRunLife]

It's getting worse...at first it was restricting without calorie counting...but now the calorie counting has started up again...I have an app on my phone that I use to track everything I eat, and while I have a calorie goal listed on it that's low, but not ridiculously low, I try to stay under it. That's the absolute max number of calories I'm willing to eat each day...and as my body is getting used to x calories, it's easier for me to decrease each day.

[SDLAM]

I totally understand what you mean. I'm sort of in the same boat as you. When I was doing better though, one of the best things I did was to delete the calorie counting app on my phone, it was quite freeing

[whoswho]

Originally Posted by SingDanceRunLife

It's getting worse...at first it was restricting without calorie counting...but now the calorie counting has started up again...I have an app on my phone that I use to track everything I eat, and while I have a calorie goal listed on it that's low, but not ridiculously low, I try to stay under it. That's the absolute max number of calories I'm willing to eat each day...and as my body is getting used to x calories, it's easier for me to decrease each day.

I would STRONGLY urge you to delete that app on your phone.

[SingDanceRunLife]

Originally Posted by whoswho

I would STRONGLY urge you to delete that app on your phone.

Even without the app, I know about how many calories are in everything I eat, and look at the nutrition facts to be 100% sure.

[whoswho]

Originally Posted by SingDanceRunLife

Even without the app, I know about how many calories are in everything I eat, and look at the nutrition facts to be 100% sure.

Then you need to stop looking at the nutrition facts. The calorie counting is just a trigger. When you find yourself getting in a tizzy when a cup of black coffee puts you over your maximum calorie intake, you know something's up.

And I'm not saying any of this in a mean or critical or judgmental way (or I'm really not trying to!), but simply in an honest way. Asking for help only works if you want to stop. And sometimes it's really, really hard to want to stop. Or at least it is for me. I find myself asking that question a lot: Do I actually want to kick my eating disorder? I guess it is silly that I would even have to think about such a question when the answer seems so obvious, especially to other people. But it's important to see that there's something you're getting from this behavior. So the question is: Is "X"--whatever need is being satisfied--worth the potential cost (i.e., permanent health problems, social isolation, severe psychological distress, and premature death) of an eating disorder? Is there another, healthier way to satisfy this need? Is "X" really a need at all?

Anyway, that's just my two somewhat hypocritical cents, for whatever it's worth.

[eskielover]

I know for me, there are times when the weight loss gets started that if feels good to loose the weight....feels like I'm really accomplishing something.....but when the weight loss turns into passing out & get to the point where I have the inability to eat & then when I do eat a little, it all goes through almost immediately because my body can't handle the food......or because of the stress I'm under.

I then ending up in the medical hospital because of the need for IV nutrition......it's really NOT WORTH the weight loss. When living alone with no one to take care of the things that I no longer have the energy to take care of (like my 5 eskie dogs).....it's not fair to them.....so I have to set priorities & my dogs have top priority....so I have to care for myself so I can care for them.

One of the best things for me has been living on my own....because I am responsible for every action I take & everything I do. Having no one else to depend on other than myself....really put's life into perspective.

[SingDanceRunLife]

I'm eating less and less...I've eaten twice today, and not much either time...

[buttrfli42481]

Thinking of you often.

[serenity24]

Originally Posted by SingDanceRunLife

It's getting worse...at first it was restricting without calorie counting...but now the calorie counting has started up again...I have an app on my phone that I use to track everything I eat, and while I have a calorie goal listed on it that's low, but not ridiculously low, I try to stay under it. That's the absolute max number of calories I'm willing to eat each day...and as my body is getting used to x calories, it's easier for me to decrease each day.

im doing the exact same thing

[serenity24]

im dong the same thing and i cant get out of it..i feel so sucked in and i cant focus on anyting else...i have 3 different calorie/weight apps on my phone and submit to all of them every day to be sure that they dont vary in answers..... its so hard to work under these conditions

[SingDanceRunLife]

Well, I've stopped using the app (for now), but I'm still barely eating. The combination of being triggered, and being under an incredible amount of stress from school since it's the end of the semester is a really bad one for me...because even when I'm doing well, when I'm stressed, I tend to not eat.