[beth16]

I can't stop. I can't STOP!!!! I CAN"T STOP!!!!! It consumes me. It is my best friend (NOT), my worst enemy(YES), and my life long curse.I think not. I am beyond help....

[Rhapsody]

((( HUGS )))
No one is beyond HELP!! - as I once felt like that (15 yrs ago) and I am still here today........ alive and YES still HAPPY!! --

[buttrfli42481]

There is always help if you are willing to recieve it. If you want to talk you can pm me.

[surviving15]

Don't give up!!! You will succeed!!!

[beth16]

Thanks everyone! I feel so hopeless! I fell cursed and like this is who I am so deal with it! Life is a challenge. Food is a curse Body size dictates intelligence and success. Exercise is a means of survival. URggh!!!!

[beth16]

Again and again. Round and round we go. Will we ever stop? NO! Its a flippin circle that goes faster then slower then speeds up. I think I am going crazy!

[purplelephant]

There is hope.
Are you seeing a therapist or doctor or some other professional for this?
Do people in your life know about your struggles?
We are here for you

[beth16]

Thank you purplelephant. no No one knows! I would die if some one knew! I am not seeing anyone. Tried the med / doc route. It didn't do me a bit o good. I just know I have been dealing with this far too long. I am beyond help. Thats the way I feel. Sorry!

[purplelephant]

If you don't mind, what ED behaviors do you have?
I restricted but then went into recovery. Now I'm a binge eater :/ I get hate hate hating this cycle.
You are never beyond help. There are different schools of thought on eating disorder treatment, maybe you just haven't found the right one yet.
Eating disorders are nothing to be ashamed of. I used to tell people I had been hospitalized for a heart condition, but now I just tell the truth.
I think having people in your life that know could help.
Until you're ready, there's always us!

[avoice]

Originally Posted by beth16

Thank you purplelephant. no No one knows! I would die if some one knew! I am not seeing anyone. Tried the med / doc route. It didn't do me a bit o good. I just know I have been dealing with this far too long. I am beyond help. Thats the way I feel. Sorry!

Think you should look at it this way..If no one knows you mite die that way instead of if everyone knows.. Don't think your beyond help..

[beth16]

Thank you Avoice.

I can't tell anyone. Everyone would think I am absolutly crazy and make me feel ashamed. I shouldn't feel guilty for what I have been cursed with, should I? I have tried getting help before. it didn't help. I hate digging into my past and I can't stand feeling vulnerable. I am strong, I tell you! Really, I am! I just want to cry!

[Christina86]

Hi beth.

You told all of us here, and we don't think you're crazy. So not everyone would think you're crazy. Dealing with eating disorders is hard on your own, impossible even. You really do need to consider finding help - a support group, a therapist, a nutritionist, a doctor... anyone who you can trust enough to let them help you. But they can only help you so much, you also have to want to help yourself.

Eating disorders are hard to control. I'm sorry you're dealing with so much.

[beth16]

(Purplelephant) I restrict intake, count calories, purge, exercise lots, take diet pills, take energy pills, feel guilty all the time about food, track food, avoid meals. Tried meds and counseling. counselor wanted to get into abusive past and sh$*, but I can't. Wanted me to try other meds. Can't!!! I think the above is normal to some degree. The pain is too great. Can't deal with stuff. So I just function in what seems to be normalcy for me. It just gets to be too much.

(Avoice) I feel beyond help - probably because I can't seem to want it bad enough, I guess. sorry!

Anyway, today I was too tired to go to gym. Worked too much. Just want to curl up and cry.... pressure, pressure, pressure!!!!