I'm scared that I'm heading back down the same destructive path. Please hear me!

I'm 23 now and when I was from 15-16 yrs old I would throw up everything I ate at least 3 times a day and on a bad day I could do it up to 5-8 times a day. With some support and a therapist I was able to find better ways to cope with my self image and stress. Ever since that part of my life I have been able to move on. For the past week I decided to lose weight and I've been doing it the healthy way of jogging/walking every morning making sure that I take at least 6-8 thousand steps, which is about 3 miles. I don't eat junk food and pig out but because of my lack of phyisical activity its alot slower for me to lose weight. Now that I've set myself on this work out plan and healthy diet I feel myself becoming more tense then I should. Just tonight I had ate dinner after 8pm and I know this wouldn't be the best time to eat. I even at a small portion and tried to assure myself that I'll work out alittle extra tomorrow morning. Before I knew it my anxiety level went up and I felt so uncomfortable with my body. I found myself telling my sister to leave my room, I locked myself in my room where I have a restroom and I threw up my whole dinner. How do I find a balance of wanting to lose weight but when I slip on my diet and work out plan I start to have the thoughts of when I wa 15-16 years old and having to throw up everything I ate. I'm scare that I'm going back down the path of becoming a bulimic again. How do I find this balance? I'm so scared.

Hi,

For me, the more I demanded of myself, the more desperate I became... and the more I binged/purged. If you will accept nothing less than perfection, then you'll be where you were before; but if you can be more forgiving and flexible with your eating/exercise behaviors, then you can stick with a healthy weight loss plan.

I'm not saying this is easy, by any means... but IMO dieting by someone with a history of ED(s) is a surefire way to relapse. So you have to be more cautious and forgiving with yourself.

It might even help to get back into some kind of therapy, at least a few sessions. If you're really intent on losing this weight the healthy way, you shouldn't wait for your eating disorder to flare up before you get help. I know it seems odd to get therapy w/o full-blown symptoms, but preventative therapy will be tons easier than reversal therapy. Good luck!

Jessie

I don"t think I can add much more than the solid advice above...
I just want to add that I do hear you and am here to support you any way possible...
Sending positive thoughts and wishing you the best!
Patricia

Jenn1fer

That is excellent advice provided by Adeline and Patricia.

Good luck.

FG

I'm stuck in that destructive path at the moment. I'm atrocious. I was just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to stop it! I'm vomiting and obsessing all of the time. I can't seem to get out of it. I don't have very good help with it at the moment. My thoughts are with you and I'm so glad to see that someone has had some success with ridding bulimia from their life. You have been successful, in my eyes from removing it from your life. You are very aware about it and are trying. I'm scared right there along with you! Maybe it's a good idea to remember what helped you back when you were 15-16 years old. What helps me slightly is when i get people all around me- but i don't really have many people around me at the moment where i am. I want you to know that i'm here for you if you need some one to talk to! I know i'm just a newbie to this site and a newbie to seeking help and everything but i really understand and can empathise with what you are experiencing. Thank-you for sharing! Love and hugs from Sezzie