The doctor thing....need input

So, when I was really struggling with anorexia earlier this year I started with a new primary care physician. He was awesome and non-judgmental, tried to find me a shrink (the shrink wanted me to go inpatient and I didn't, the primary care doc was supportive in this as well). He had me come in for weight checks but I finally told him it was way too triggering for me and that I had been down this road many times, I knew I would eventually gain etc... He was pretty okay with this and we spaced appts out further.....I cancelled the last one which was for a couple months ago.

Anyways, I have gained and know I am no longer considered underweight ( yeah, I m a mental mess and purge daily but no longer am technically anorexic). So, I had to call and get a non ED prescription refill on a med and the nurse called back and said he filled the script but wants me to come in. I asked why and she said " he wants to check your weight". I told her I was not comfortable with that and I didn't want to waste their time, as I wouldn't allow them to weigh me. She said I could take that up with the dr when I come in and just make an appt. so, I did and now I am going in next week.

I am instantly triggered and am envisioning hard core restriction before this appt so they don't think I am a pig who never had a problem. Thereis no f-ing way I am getting on the scale there.

Do I cancel? go in and politely refuse to be weighed? I am so triggered, any advice welcome.

Hmmm. that is a hard one there. I would go in and politely refuse to be weighed. That way you are showing "good faith" by going in, since you do need to continue getting the non-ED meds (you have it filled this time, but if you don't go in as the dr requested, he may not refill again).

Then you can explain to him what is going on, since you mentioned he is non-judgemental.

If it is any consolation to you AT ALL,I too now am at a "normal healthy" weight, and purge daily too. So I guess we still need help, lol. (i hope that made sense, and didn't upset you)

Let us know what you decide to do. I totally feel for you. I hate that stupid scale.

You make an excellent point about showing good faith. And I do need this particular med on a regular basis, and I am appreciative of his support and don't want to burn my only bridge, so to speak. It's just the mentally of anticipating it messes with me, of course been restricting all day. I'm afraid if I say, "look, it's obvious I've put on weight......" He might say something like "yes you have" which would just be devastating to me, know what I mean? I see much thinner women all around me and can't help but feel like a joke for needing to be weight checked at the place I am at now. I am afraid he will think I am fat and really let myself go. Ugh.

ohhhh, yes the double-edged rock and a hard place. I Completely Understand what you mean. I am sending good luck your way, if you DO end up going....

I would go ahead & let them weigh you.....when they see that your weight is at a safe place.....they will no longer bother you about your weight issues. I know that my GP told me when I was dealing with major anorexia after going through a trauma, that his only concern was my health during that period of time & my pdoc (who he did end up talking with) was the one who needed to help me with the psychological end & any meds that could help me gain weight (which I absolutely refused).

Trauma & stress are a major trigger for anorexia for me......I had just started going to a new GP when all the stress hit with my mother's cancer surgery & all the complications after that.

My GP ended up admitting me into the medical hospital because I was so sick from the stress & the anorexia got so bad that I needed IV nutrition through a central line. That had been the first time in many years that my weight had gotten so low & the anemia was so bad. The PTSD I was left with after the trauma I went through with the home care person really messed up my ability to eat & drink without getting sick.

The point being....after your GP knows you are at a healthy point weight wise.....there is nothing they can do about the purging....that is something that needs to be dealt with in therapy. Sorry, that's something I can't relate to because I hate getting sick....when I feel sick....that is when I can't eat because I will do anything not to get sick. After having the stomach flu when I burst blood vessles in the whites of my eyes & in my face little red dots all over.....there is no way that getting sick to my stomach even to purge is appealing. Seemed like every time I got the stomach flu, that would happen.....& it's embarrassing to have the whites of my eyes blood red.....so I would never do something like that on purpose.

Interesting fact I have read however is that purging really does absolutely NO good for loosing weight because by the time the food is chewed & gets down in the stomach, the nutrition has already gone into the body & whatever would end up in fat has already been absorbed by the time purging usually happens......not sure where I read that.....but it makes sense because people who purge usually don't have a low weight problem.

Something you might want to investigate......the damage it can to with a ruptured esophagus really isn't worth the fact that it's really not accomplishing what one thinks in the first place......

Hope you can resolve your purging issues.......but that's definitely not something that your GP deals with....they only monitor weight so they can treat you if your weight & blood tests show it's necessary.

Is it possible to be weighed without knowing the results?

When I was inpatient, the staff would do this for those who were too triggered by numbers. The patient would step on the scale backwards so they couldn't see the numbers and the staff would notate the information in the patient file without comment ... Just a suggestion and I hope it helps alleviate some of the distress you're feeling over this ...

,
Pfrog!

Interesting point, if they know my weight than maybe he will drop the issue. But I flat out refused to have them weigh me.

Thanks Pfrog, The issue isn't me knowing my weight ( I am on my scale at least 10-20 times a day) it's that I don't want them or anyone else to know what I weigh.

I can definitely relate to hating being weighed and being afraid of being judged by my doctor!

Eating disorders are NOT about weight! Yea, there's a weight criteria for purposes of diagnosis, but healthcare professionals know (or should know) that it's NOT about the weight. You can still be struggling with thoughts and symptoms even if you're not emaciated! I know there have been times when I was at a lower weight but doing better thought/behavior-wise, and times when I was at a normal weight but a f-ing mess with my behaviors and thoughts.

I totally understand where you're coming from. But can you challenge the "ed voice"? What would this accomplish? You're seeing the doctor because you want to get well, NOT to prove to him that you have an ED.
Also, can you discuss this with him?

What about just telling him your weight since you know it?