Am I better?

I haven't posted on here in a while... I've been doing the bingeing, purging, starving dance for a while now. I've been going to a doctor every 2 weeks, and he keeps telling me to come back. The thing is, he hasn't diagnosed me with anything, because I'm not underweight, and my bp & pulse are fine. I know he just wants to monitor me, but it puts me into anorexia mode. I feel like I have to lose weight otherwise I suck, and I "failed."

The thing is, I went to an a.b.a. meeting on friday. It was totally awesome, and I've been having regular meals since then! Whoo, happy dance! I feel like I'm still restricting though, because I'm not sure how many calories I'm eating and my stomach feels empty a lot.
So I'm going back to the doctor this week and I'm torn. I really want to have lost weight, but at the same time, I just started eating healthy again. The catch 22 is that if I gained weight, I'll start starving again.

Are you willing not to look at the scale?

Have the dr/nurse weigh you blind so you don't see how much you weigh. As long as I don't see how much I weigh I am fine and eat according to my meal plan for the most part. It's when I see my weight that I freak out and restrict.

The thing is that I want to know how much I weigh. I don't think I can make myself not want to know!

I'm sorry you've been struggling so much. I can definitely relate to a lot of what you said.

I've been struggling with this too. But what is "succeeding" in an eating disorder? One of my old therapists once told me that "the best anorexic is a dead one"

I'm so glad you found the meeting to be helpful! Keep going!

[QUOTE=onlytime;2783956]I'm sorry you've been struggling so much. I can definitely relate to a lot of what you said.

I've been struggling with this too. But what is "succeeding" in an eating disorder? One of my old therapists once told me that "the best anorexic is a dead one"

Lol, I like that! Puts things in perspective!!!