[buttrfli42481]

I am so tired of fighting ana. Too many rules and regulations. Can't have that because there are too many calories. Can't have that because it might make you fat. You can have X calories a day and if you go above that you will become fat. I hate it. I can't stand it. I want to quit, but can't at the same time. It isn't fair. Others don't worry about what they can and cannot have, so why can't I? I am just about to the point that I don't want to go to see my dietician or my t anymore. I am ready to let ana win. After all that is what she wants, and all I want is for her to shut up. Maybe if she wins, she will be happy and will shut up. Who knows unless I let her win. I've got the towel, all I have to do is let it drop. It is getting rather heavy to hang on to. Maybe only days or moments left til it does drop. Then I am done.

[mazing]

I know it is hard but please try to not give in. I can assure you that it doesn't get any better when you give in. The obsessions get worse. The worries about putting on weight get worse. And your health is going to suffer further.

I know how hard it can be but there can be a day when you won't have to worry so much about the rules - that they won't control you. Keep thinking of that day. Please hang in there. Rely on those around you that will support you as hard as it can be - your dietician, therapist and people here. Think about what you would be throwing away. Is risking your health worth it in the long run? The hiding, restricting, secrecy? You are doing well to get to here. And that shows amazing strength.

[AngelWolf3]

Thinking of you today, buttrfli...I have noticed you have supported me with hugs when I have posted, so I wanted to make sure I did the same for you.

I agree with mazing.

[mrskid]

hey buttrifli
Hang in there hun. You are stronger then Ana. Don't throw the towel in yet. many hugs We are all here for you keep posting

[eskielover]

After all that is what she wants, and all I want is for her to shut up. Maybe if she wins, she will be happy and will shut up. Who knows unless I let her win.

Yep, you let her win & she won't have to say anything any more because you will be dead.......those are really only the 2 options with anorexia......fight or die. That does end up being your decision because the bottom line is that it always is our decision. It's what you want most out of life.

I had a long period where I didn't care & I didn't want life......so I let the anorexia win even after the treatment center.......but for me with all the stress & the bad marriage I felt trapped in.....that felt like my only way out......but it was up to me to decide in the end......& it is for you also.

Sometimes the battles we are in don't feel worth fighting any longer.....but there is more to look at in life than that. Also I have found that when the anorexia is winning it's because there are deeper issues in our life that we aren't addressing....much deeper than just the anorexia.