[Victoria'smom]

My house has become very volatile between my husband & I because of my food intake or lack there of. He feels I'll die in the next few weeks because my liquid intake is 2-20 oz generally in the middle. My food intake isn't much better. I'm normal weight.

He's so hurt by this. He asked (after a huge fight over me isolating, ED) if we're over. I told him I don't know. I gave up my parents & siblings when I was younger for my ED. 13 years later I'm in the position that I feel pushed to choose my husband & son or my ED. It should be an easy choice but I told him when we met and it's always been a power struggle but never this bad. THIS ISN'T FAIR!!! I see and am honest with my T, I take my meds. WTF does he want from me? I'm trying, just because he knows changes nothing. I don't want to lose everything but I've choose ED over everything before and I'm not sure I'm past that. I don't want to hurt him the rest of his life and I don't want my son growing up in a bad environment but I love them.

Would you stay or leave? any other options appreciated?

[precious things]

Tough love approach here so please don't take this as preachy, god knows I am struggling terribly and have my own family to deal with....but back to you.

You say you are in T and doing everything asked of you to fight the ED yet you are trying to decide if you should leave your family so you can continue behaviors? Are you really fighting the disease? Do you plan to fight and work just as hard in therapy if you leave your family? Are you looking for a reason to leave your H? Or is just the thought of recovery, and someone loving and caring enough about you to want you to get better so overwhelming that you are clinging to the eating disorder mindset for dear life?

[Victoria'smom]

Doing T and everything asked is not to fight the ED but violent mood swings. My lack of desire of getting rid of ED has made it a backseat priority. I think T's hoping when the mood swings are in check I'll be more amenable to dealing with ED.

You are trying to decide if you should leave your family so you can continue behaviors? Yes, I am. I'd be a calmer home for my son and husband.
Are you really fighting the disease? Not right now. One day I may and I don't want to feel I made a bad choice.
Do you plan to fight and work just as hard in therapy if you leave your family? Therapy yes, meds no, they make me hungry and I really have issues with that. At the same time T may not see me un-medicated.
Are you looking for a reason to leave your H? My H is my world, he's the best guy for me. I'm not looking but ED is a sticking point that may be a deal breaker.

I'm perfectly fine with him loving and caring about me but I am clinging to the eating disorder mindset for dear life!

[avlady]

I don't know what ED is but i did read your post and you must be very lonely in this situation, it sounds like you have to make some lifestyle situation decisions on top of you illness. It must be so hard for you now and i am going to pray for you especially for you, I wish there was some way I could help you, but the people here can also give you advice too people who have your illness, and please do what your doctor tells you to, maybe you're having a bad day!

[Victoria'smom]

Sorry, ED= Eating Disorder

I don't think I could choose my eating disorder over my children. I would hospitalize myself (and have) to try to do whatever it takes to NOT choose the ed over them. BUT I know how VERY hard it is and I might choose it over other people.

Thinking of you. Please hang in there.

[Victoria'smom]

I see T Monday and will talk to her about this.