One extreme to another

Several years ago I lost a lOt of weight due to an illness. I was diagnoses with EDNOS, but just on the verge of the low/dangerous end. I have worked through that and overcome my eating challenges and over exercise. However, now I have gone the other way. I am on the verge of being overweight. I am only five ft tall and although I do not look overweight, I feel horrible about myself.

All of my pants are tight and i cant get new ones- i just cant. I wake up and eat candy, and I am addicted to chocolate. I had an entire container of chocolate frosting yesterday. Its disgusting. I don't purge and I don't think I could do that, I used to simply eat less calories than I needed and I purged through hours of exercise. Now I just walk my dog. I did try and turn things around last week and went to the gym twice. But alas, my fat butt is on the couch again today and I went through an entire bag of peanut butter chocolates by 3pm. It's disgusting.

I don't know what to do. I know I have an unhealthy relationship with food, but idk what to do about it. I can't stop. I even wake up in the middle of the night, thinking I can steal a piece of candy. To me, chocolate is all I need.

I so know what you mean, doggiedo. I'm sorry you're going through all this, especially after coming back from disordered eating already in your lifetime. I hope you come to terms with this...it's so hard. I'm recovering from an ED myself and even though I've been behavior-free for almost a month now it's hard to believe I'll ever be truly free from the obsession, or that I won't snap one day, blow fifty bucks on junk and snarf it all down in two hours.

Oh do I completely understand what you are going through!!!! I am around the same height as you are. Also EDNOS, on the very low end and ended up IP because of it. Now, ten years out of that place, I too, am dangerously on the other side, and it scares the crap out of me, and No matter what I try to do to stop or change it, here I am.

I am sorry you are going through this too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not trying to talk about me, just want you to know you are not alone...believe me! I like ice cream...

It's so difficult to build healthy relationships with food and our bodies and adjust to the crazy life around us without using other stuff to cope. to both of you...

Is so tough, isn't it? I'm glad I know I'm not alone...thank you guys for that.

What techniques do you use to curb this behavior? I'm not sure I know how to do that on this side of the fence. The techniques used to get my Ed back on track when I was restricting are somewhat different than the techniques I need now.

That's the truth!!!!!!! (about using different techniques!!!) Honestly, my coping skills that I am using to avoid the b/p behavior are not very good. I am completely all over the place with my food, and either don't eat (but can't lose weight, nice), or have alcohol instead...

But, back to you and your question! The only thing that I am able to do that somewhat helps is that my kids are living with me right now, and there is no lock on the bathroom door. I don't want my daughter busting in and seeing me.

Just thought of something else: are there 'trigger' foods that you have identified? Like for me, it's ice cream, or peanut butter cups, or cookies. So I don't buy that stuff at the store. It's not in the house. I know that it's very easy to hop in the car and drive to a grocery, but it's a couple extra steps and if I'm feeling depressed/lazy (which is a lot now) I won't do it. (although I will just grab whatever sometimes...)

I have also if after eating at a restaurant, will find a store that doesn't have a public bathroom, and walk the aisles, yes shopping like crazy is not the best either, but....

I just wish that I could say that while doing this I feel calm. I won't lie, the whole time I am trying not to purge my heart races and I feel like I am going to explode. Do you have any tips for that?

I hope this helped, even a bit? I hope this reply was ok and not to me-centered, I just tried to relate what I'm doing to what you asked...

Foods I have yet to figure out the triggers in them. But the 2000 mg's of Depakote make me very lethargic and hungry. Became very unstable 9 months ago, and am still trying to come back to a more neutral state. Gained quite a bit of weight in the last 4 months alone., but slowly trying to get it away. Salt seems to be a major role, and sugar.

I have been all over the place on weight also.....the first time I was low weight many years....then due to migraines & not able to function or get out of bed as they were continuous.....years of that countered the low weight & had to go to good will to get cloths to fit....I am also only 5'1".

When I finally got pain relief for my migraines, I was able to start riding my horse again & functioning again...right at the same time my mother was dying of cancer & I went through a trauma with the home care person & her abuse & threats to me....that stress dropped my weight completely within a couple of months....stress for me is the huge trigger for weight loss & it happened again just last week.

Stress not only causes me to feel nausea, but the diarrhea it causes is horrible...can't eat anything without it causing problems with that.

I ended up in the medical hospital the time I was dealing with my mother's situation & death......that was back in 2005......I have been able to get to a safe weight & have been able to maintain a reasonable balance around it.....up & down a bit depending on the stresses I'm now going through since in 2007 I left my husband after 33 years & moved 2100 miles away to a place where I didn't know anyone....but H still causes financial problems & going through a financial issue regarding getting patient assistance for my pain medication that I need so bad for quality of life.....so the stress is taking it's toll on my weight again....

Nothing in life is easy....& I've had 60 years to realize that....all I can say is eat healthy as much as possible.....buy only healthy foods (need a lot of control for that)......I only allow myself to go shopping once a month.....Limit the junk foods I do buy at that time & it's easy at times when I don't have money for food....even though I have a high income, my expenses (NO I DON"T BELIEVE IN CREDIT) get extreme when I have emergencies that come up with no savings....it does tend to limit the amount & kinds of food I do buy.

I remember when I was pregnant ages ago (back in 1977/78.....I refuses to even allow a bag of potato chips in the house & NO JUNK FOOD at all & I swam every day......It was nice being that healthy even though I wasn't that excited about being pregnant while trying to finish up my BS degree even though I was married....the situation was stressful.

Sometimes we just have to go into the depths of ourself & find that will power it takes to put our food down to our own behaviors just like we would do with a child that is not behaving appropriately. Self discipline is definitely the most difficult....but it can be done.