eating disorder's daily check in spot

I know I ate way too much this past week, and that makes me want to restrict big time. However, I know that if I do Ana wins and that is not an option anymore. I definately tried things that I have never had before this past week, some of it was good, some of it not so good. Tomorrow is a new day.

I know you're struggling with the afteraffects of eating "too much" buttrfli so congrats for not using it as an excuse to restrict!

Been a couple of bad days, my eating patterns are erratic, I feel out of control and all over the place some bad behaviours came into play today

Back on the diet tomorrow. Competition today so I have problems eating when I am nervous. All I ate from 4:30 am-6pm was through was 1 banana, 2 Paleo sweet potato pancakes, recovery protein drink, and I sipped coconut water. 90 degrees out.

Came home and H made ribs. Ate 5 of them and one giant Mojito

Hmmm....struggling a little bit with restriction at the moment, i didn't see it coming. It's only been a few days, so i HAVE to get back on the wagon quickly.
Why oh why did i intentionally trigger myself?

I had a really horrible weekend... one thing after another. Trying to not let that impact my recovery, I think I've been doing a good job so far.

Speak the truth. Seek the truth. Be the truth.

Still feel good when I eat one real meal a day......a friend brought some fresh picked blueberries.....I ate all the a handfull of them & then used the handfull to cook an interesting sauce for the scallops I made.....put that over lettuce & that was my meal yesterday.......

Hate figuring out what to eat, so that's my worst problem....I can think about it for 24 hours & never figure out what I really want to fix to eat....so I eat nothing until I finally figure it out.

I did buy some gorgeous fruit today at the grocery.....apricots, white nectarines & a plumcot......wow had never tasted one of those before....it's soooooooo good.

I found some yummy natural sweet potato chips that are free from preservatives & use sea salt & safflower oil .....these make a great snack......also the mango fruit cicles I found are great & refreshing on these hot days.

Actually splurged yesterday after church & had a bowl of chocolate ice cream I sat on my front porch & ate & Tawny enjoyed licking my bowl clean....very seldom do we enjoy those kinds of treats for ourself let along sharing with my pups.

Lost more weight than I wanted a few weeks ago when going through a stressful situation. Glad the situation didn't continue on for more time than it did......just now being able to gain back what I lost & settle back into the ok zone. Always afraid when things like that hit that the weight loss will continue for too long & it's so difficult to deal with while in the stressed mode.....almost like my metabolism ramps up but also can't eat anything without it going through as diarrhea & that takes longer to get through than just the stress.

Not feeling well today makes it hard to decide what to eat when I really don't feel like eating after last week. I did manage to eat a bowl of cereal, some chicken salad, and some brisket potatoes and greenbeans. It is a lot easier when there are things already fixed. I wish I had a personal chef.

I'm with you on that one for sure....it takes me forever to figure out what to cook & then forever to make it & by then, I'm not interested in eating anyway or take a couple of bites & that's enough.

Living alone & not having anyone else interested in eating doesn't help either because I have no schedule & nothing I have to conform to.....my life is basically a "whenever" life.

I feel like I'm starting to get my act together again. I have to somehow manage to eat with moderation. There were some stressful things going on that were triggering me that have been partially or fully resolved so I think that's helped too.

I see my dr, my dietician, and my ed t tomorrow. Hoping that my weight didn't change much if at all. There is a part of me that wants to know my weight, and the other part of me that wants to know. Can I fight the urge to look? I think I am going to talk to my dietician about seeing my weight and discussing it instead of freaking out everytime I see it. Kinda desensitization.

Since you relapsed after seeing your weight go above setpoint X, IMO, you're better off not knowing yet. Leave it to the professionals. They'll tell you when to worry and won't let you go too high. they have no desire to see you get fat anymore than you want to get fat.

Feeling good today, back on the wagon

prescious things

It's a great idea.....& I've tried it for other things that I need to do......I just keep setting the snooze button until it just quits alarming

I am so bad about having a schedule for anything let alone eating. Have always been that free spirit I guess even when I worked in my engineering career, I would work until I was done what I wanted to get done & then go home & come back after I woke up naturally & finally got ready to do to work (unless there was a meeting with our customer (the military). I have never done well with schedules or alarms.

I dated a guy in college that wanted to plan out my time with him month's in advance..... I kept him at arms distance for sure & would never commit to anything until it was a reasonable time....or the last minute which was more my style.

Spontaneous.....I think they call it to make it sound better than just a free willed person.

But the idea is very good & should work if I didn't have a problem with schedules

Woo Hoo.....I got my broken refrig back today after over a month......so now I can go get my food from my friends house & I am working on getting the food put away that I had in the loaner refrig from the company that fixed it.....maybe it will be easier to get to my food now & easier to eat more often.

I was working outside with my plants on my porch last night until almost midnight........ended up enjoying a mango/pineapple smoothie. It was really good, but not all the nutrition I really need.....well balanced diet......what's that???? You would think by the age of 60 I would be better with this kind of stuff.

today so far I haven't totally gorged like i have been doing, it's only 2:45 and that's all I think about doing.trying so hard to stop binging so difficult some days.

Buttrfli - just wondering how appointments went today? I was thinking of you!

Appts went well. Dr gave me a prednisone shot for my allergies and feel lots better on that issue. Ana won the urge to look battle and I didn't freak out! I am ok with that weight even though it is over my safe number. Completely forgot to mention that to my dietician, so I will call her tomorrow and let her know. She did not weigh me today. Talked with my t about where I am in the recovery process and I got the feeling that we may be moving to every other week pretty soon.

After my dr appt, I came home and made myself pancakes w/ pb and honey for breakfast. Had a sandwich for lunch and speghetti for dinner. Over all a good day.

Today was kind of an off day. I ate more than what I would have wanted, but I also refrained from binging and purging when I had the chance. But then I had that one glimpse of myself in the mirror as I stepped out of the shower and at that moment I had the whole "realization" that I've had a thousand times before: I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm disgusting, I'm an abomination. I know I'm working on it, and I'm making progress (and have made some significant progress) but am nowhere near my (HEALTHY) goal, and sometimes... it really is difficult to look at myself. Sometimes, I'm tired of putting my life on hold until that moment I reach my "goal weight." I know that's an unhealthy strategy, and something I still need to work on.

Maybe, I just need to avoid mirrors for a while.

I've been struggling with EDNOS off and on my whole life. I'm eating mostly okay now, but I'm having body image issues because of the weight I gained. Got triggered last night when out with friends when I saw an anorexic woman, which resulted in having a panic attack in front of my friends, which I was embarrassed about. Now I'm feeling really ugly.

I'm kicking *** and taking names today. Actually, today I'm not even bothering with the names. I'm proud of my fat ***. I don't want to change it. There are so many other things about me that are improving. I know my body will sort itself out. I know that my struggles are far from over. But I have reached a point where I will no longer make excuses for my body. To anyone. When I catch myself doing it, I gently guide myself back to the path. I have been symptom free for over two and a half months. I have struggled my whole life. I will not be afraid of food anymore. I will not run and hide. And I will not let people and their ridiculous opinions get me down. And, quietly, gently, I will work on my own.
Wishing you all the best, whatever your goals are.