[Mysterygirl202]

Ok. So I'm tired of being fat. I'm really sick of it. I feel the need to throw up everything (though I have never actually done it). I want to stop eating again.. But I know my friends/family/discipleship lady willfund out convince me to eat and then I'll gain it all back again!!! Everyone keeps telling me et this do this excercise. What do you think I've been doing the past 6 years of my life? In 16 and 5' 1" 150lbs. I'm sick of this. I hear taller girls talk about how they'd re 100 pounds and blah blah blah. I wish. I want to be 100 pounds. I wantto be light and beautiful and THIN. I dint have an "eating disorder" but I'm obsessed with numbers. I want my weight to go down and I like to see how low my calorie intake can get. I'm sick of six years of diets, crying, being overweight, and feeling fat all the time. I wan to be beautiful. I want to feel small. Not like my huge thighs and stomach that slightly sticks out and my cursed mothers ankles. I need something I can stick to. I feel discouraged. I feel trapped, kill me.

[avoice]

Just one thing "EVERYBODY" beautiful'. You think you want what I have a full blown ED you don't trust me on that one. It's horrible to have it trust me on that one to. I'm 47 and been dealing with ED now for years.

[MrsBee]

The saddest part of that whole rant was your comment "beautiful and thin"'

please understand beauty is inside AND outside.

[Mysterygirl202]

Yeas I know. But it seems like the world doesn't care anymore if your only beautiful on the inside and not out.

[shelterdog71]

Originally Posted by Mysterygirl202

Yeas I know. But it seems like the world doesn't care anymore if your only beautiful on the inside and not out.

I agree. I'm 40 and have been overweight my entire life. I was a fat baby, fat kid, fat teenager, and fat adult. However I'm attractive, intelligent, educated, have a great career, fun personality, eat properly, and am in great health. But none of that matters because being overweight automatically marks me as UN-DATEABLE by every man I've ever met. All people care about are looks and it makes me sick.

[Mysterygirl202]

When I read this.. I feel like i'm reading someone else's post. I am a completely different person from this.

[caseygirl]

I was always the fat girl, once weighed 260 pounds. Always felt like a loser, clumsy, ugly and would dream at night that I would wake up and be 140 pounds.

Long story short, I am 140 pounds now and I have an ED and am going through hell. This isn't what l thought it was going to be like. Sure I can fit into a size 12 instead of a size 24, but who cares, only me and all I want to do is get thinner. It's never enough with me, and quite frankly, I never thought I'd be referred to an Eating Disorder program due to this problem.

It was different when I was fat, I used to view things differently, used to look or read about anorexia and think, "why can't they just eat". Hmmmm, kinda coming true for me these days and I understand now that an ED is a mental illness.

[Mysterygirl202]

Originally Posted by caseygirl

I was always the fat girl, once weighed 260 pounds. Always felt like a loser, clumsy, ugly and would dream at night that I would wake up and be 140 pounds.

Long story short, I am 140 pounds now and I have an ED and am going through hell. This isn't what l thought it was going to be like. Sure I can fit into a size 12 instead of a size 24, but who cares, only me and all I want to do is get thinner. It's never enough with me, and quite frankly, I never thought I'd be referred to an Eating Disorder program due to this problem.

It was different when I was fat, I used to view things differently, used to look or read about anorexia and think, "why can't they just eat". Hmmmm, kinda coming true for me these days and I understand now that an ED is a mental illness.

I am sorry you are going through this. However- I will tell you its possible to get out of it. Since this thread I made I have changed so much. The process of eating again and restarting life was hard but now i'm a year clean from cutting and starving and feelin great! Praying for you.

[caseygirl]

Originally Posted by Mysterygirl202

I am sorry you are going through this. However- I will tell you its possible to get out of it. Since this thread I made I have changed so much. The process of eating again and restarting life was hard but now i'm a year clean from cutting and starving and feelin great! Praying for you.

Thank you for the encouragement, I hope I can be as successful as you, but things sure do look bleak right now. I don't start the ED program until the new year.

[Mysterygirl202]

Originally Posted by caseygirl

Thank you for the encouragement, I hope I can be as successful as you, but things sure do look bleak right now. I don't start the ED program until the new year.

It's possible! I hope you find the TRUE peace that I have. Even though I am not perfect.I find new grace everyday.

[Neptune83]

You're 16, 5'1" and 150lb? You're probably going to hate me for this, but you are NOT "fat"!! Another thing you'll hate me for - you're still so young, still growing, how do you know in four years time you won't weigh 100lb without dieting?
I've been on both sides of the coin; from 12 I was desperate to lose my 'puppy fat' and just stopped eating. It worked, obviously. But at a cost - I looked awful, skin and bone, terrible skin, no energy, in pain all the time. By my early 20s and after my first child I was the opposite. 5'4" and almost 20st. Could not stop eating and didn't exercise at all. Agoraphobia didn't help. I then got roped into joining slimming world and it did wonders for me. I was eating healthily for once and never felt better. That's not a 'diet', it's just good eating habits and being healthy mind and body. Now, I'm back not eating again because of anxiety, it's not fun at all. I don't want to become overweight again either but if I could bring myself to adopt that healthy lifestyle again I would.
Don't let this rule your life. If you're honestly that unhappy then join somewhere like I did, just do it safely with expert advice and support. Everyone here saying EDs aren't fun are SO right. You don't want to go down that road.

[Mysterygirl202]

Originally Posted by Neptune83

You're 16, 5'1" and 150lb? You're probably going to hate me for this, but you are NOT "fat"!! Another thing you'll hate me for - you're still so young, still growing, how do you know in four years time you won't weigh 100lb without dieting?
I've been on both sides of the coin; from 12 I was desperate to lose my 'puppy fat' and just stopped eating. It worked, obviously. But at a cost - I looked awful, skin and bone, terrible skin, no energy, in pain all the time. By my early 20s and after my first child I was the opposite. 5'4" and almost 20st. Could not stop eating and didn't exercise at all. Agoraphobia didn't help. I then got roped into joining slimming world and it did wonders for me. I was eating healthily for once and never felt better. That's not a 'diet', it's just good eating habits and being healthy mind and body. Now, I'm back not eating again because of anxiety, it's not fun at all. I don't want to become overweight again either but if I could bring myself to adopt that healthy lifestyle again I would.
Don't let this rule your life. If you're honestly that unhappy then join somewhere like I did, just do it safely with expert advice and support. Everyone here saying EDs aren't fun are SO right. You don't want to go down that road.

Hey if you see some of my newer posts you'll see i'm so much better now This was an old post and when I read it I feel like it's a completely different person! I've been eating and not cutting for about a year now. Got a lot of counseling and am a new person!

[waggiedog]

Ummm, some very interesting posts here. Yes it is's a material world, looks count, looks are essential. It's not so much as what other people think about fat me, it's what I think about fat me......................hate fat me and it's not even that I can put make up on my face to 'pretty' it up, it's an ugly face...........................yeah sure, looks DO count. HUGS and LOVE. XXXX

[eskielover]

It's not so much as what other people think about fat me, it's what I think about fat me......................hate fat me and it's not even that I can put make up on my face to 'pretty' it up, it's an ugly face.

Interesting because my face looked so much better when I weighed a little more. It's been 9 years ago since I was dealing with a second serious time with anorexia when my mother was dying of cancer & all the trauma I went through then with the home care person......I will never forget the first time I looked in a mirror after getting home from the medical hospital.....my hair was like straw.....& I looked like the 96 year old grandmother I had with the most ugly wrinkled looking face I could have ever imagined.......it was like having the face of a 100 year old on a 50 year old thin body.......I still have all the wrinkles....part because I had gained some weight before that last bout with anorexia but also, my teeth were so bad even as a child & I haven't been able to afford the dental bill to have them pulled & get dentures....I am sure that is part of the problem because so many of my teeth have broken off....I'm sure that last time with the anorexia didn't help that situation either because it was after that they all started to major break off...before they would just chip here & there.

Being thin in my case doesn't make me look pretty it seriously acted in the opposite way IMO