so sorry... feeling extremely bad today... i feel that even when it is the last thing that i want to do, i hurt other people.

When T talked to be about binging yesterday, I realized if I didn't binge I simply wouldn't be here/anywhere anymore. Anger can't feel it. Fear I feel constantly.
Doesn't T understand that fear is behind everything? That "speechless terror" is what I always feel at some level all the time?
Bimging full time now.

Hope your doc will give you a complete exam to rule out physical causes for your depression & bingeing. Meanwhile, educate that therapist of yours as to what you are feeling & what you need from him/her at this point. I know about bingeing. I hear you.--Suzy

[zombiette]

ED's have a tendenancy to make u think u can't survive without them...don't buy it, instead, bear in mind that u have a life to live, one that doesn't involve bingeing. i know it's hard and scary believe me, but u can get better

[Soidhonia]

Hello I hope things get better for you soon. maybe you shoud have a heart to heart talk with your therapist about your fears and that the fear is a concern regarding your ED. Your therapist needs to work with you on your
ed and the fear. Maybe you need to write down things you need the therapist to address and have a good talk with the therapist and let them know that you are suffering and need help. If that doesnt work there is nothing wrong with getting a behaviorla therapoist that works with ED. You owe it to yourself to get the best help you can get for ED, and there is nothing wrong with getting a Dr and therapist that may understand you and your disorder on the terms that are necessary for your recovery. Keep PC posted on how you are doing take care Soidhonia

[biiv]

Hi freewill,
this post sounds just like me. saw pdoc today and he said i was doing much better and didnt need to make another appointment but could come back if i needed him. thats great and a huge relief but i feel he is brushing me off and trying to get rid of me because i dont feel like im doing much better and the idea of even doing better is terrifying.
i also feel that 'speechless terror' as you put it constantly. its so hard to describe to someone else who doesnt understand how you can be so afraid on one level and getting through your day as usual on another. i dont know how to talk about it. every time i feel my T getting anywhere near it i freak out. a while ago she asked me what the fear was about because she could see it coming to the surface and i just flipped. zoned out entirely and couldnt speak or think. i wish i knew what it was or where it came from.
anyway. im sorry. im so self involved its disgusting. thank you for posting because at least i know someone else feels the same and i hope that gives you some relief to know as well. how about whe both work on trying to tell our T's about this fear? i will if you will.
please take care of yourself,
biiv