[awesomeness05]

I don't count calories but I do obsess about having a flat stomach. I know not all of me is fat, but honestly sometimes I kind of like looking this skinny. I don't eat much. I was supposed to be taking supplements but...I haven't and I guess mayybe just a tad of it was a fear of gaining weight. they want me up to 100 pounds. that scares me. i've never been 100 pounds. what if my stomach isn't flat? what if I don't like? I think "well if i don't like it I could diet and exercise.."no I couldn't, that would make me anorexic. *sigh* I feel like I have control over it because I just make myself eat when I need to; I don't count calories or exersice excessively. I just don't eat much cuz I'm lazy. but I'm losing my hair slowly. and it's thinning. people think I'm anorexic...I saw something online saying "you know you're anorexic when your triggered by people complimenting on your weight, when people get concerned about your weight loss, and when people don't notice your weight loss" and I'm like OMG that is exactly how I am!!!
I'm not malingering I swear. I'd never do that to everyone and I hate being sick. But I do like that look of concern in people's eyes. and i always feel like my problems don't matter. I've always had body image issues and then I met friends who had ED's and had hard lives and I was kind of tempted to think..maybe if I had an ED then my problems would matter...but I don't think thats the direct motivation..
So my question is, can you have an ED without realizing it, without excessively dieting or being over preoccupation with food or excessively exercising?
Honestly, this is all starting to be a little scary. And I just want to know I'm not crazy or a terrible, selfish person, whether I have an ED or not :P

[waggiedog]

Hello and good evening, as it is here in London, UK. OK awesomeness, straight to the point ~ you do infact have the signs of a typical ED I'm afraid hunny. This is a gentle reminder because I don't want someone to pull you up (I already KNOW you are sensitive like myself) we shouldn't really mention weights and numbers incase it triggers others. I see there is already a ''trigger'' warning so we'll carry on now. I'm shorter than you but I weigh more. I'm guessing you are very young, well, I'm very old!!!!! LOL LOL!!! You say all the things that I have said, and do still say, or at least I think it all the time. I DO have an ED and I've suffered ALL of the ED's over the last 30 plus years, I still do. ED's are not always about low weight/calories. Today we now have ED's which supposedly revolve around total ''health food'' which eliminate various food groups, I believe it's called ''Orthorexia''. However, I feel you already have an unhealthy attitude to food and how eating in general makes you feel. I'm very concerned that your hair is starting to suffer, hair and nails go together in suffering when depleted of nutrients. I urge you to seek help, though I know you won't want to do this. I understand why you secretly like the comments of concern from people (so did I) but you are possibily damaging your body, like I have. My ED meant I couldn't have children. Please darling, don't ever think you are crazy, selfish, mad or whatever, you are NONE of those things. Please let me know how you are doing. HUGS.

[awesomeness05]

thank you so much. Yeah i'm sorry about that, I thought of not mentioning calories but didn't think about weight and height. is it weird to almost want to have an ED? Idk why..I just want to feel like I have a problem that actually matters..a psychologist and nutritionist evaluated me. they said they dont think I have an ED because I don't count calories but they told my mum to keep a very close eye on me cause I'm at very high risk. Don't worry, I'll talk about it to my therapist, I promise. We are really close and I tell her basically everything! I'll try to remember to update you, hopefully I will. I'm sorry to hear that! Yeah I know I really want to have kids I still have my cycle. the nurse was really surprised about that. I try to be like "ok I have to gain weight" but I've always had a hard time gaining weight as it is...I just never get around to eating enough. I told one counseler I didn't had an ED cause I could control it. he said that's the main part of it. but in my case its control as I can force myself to eat, not I can force myself not to eat...I'm kind of confused about what I'm feeling and thinking! thanks again for your reply. stay strong and keep fighting <3

Originally Posted by waggiedog

Hello and good evening, as it is here in London, UK. OK awesomeness, straight to the point ~ you do infact have the signs of a typical ED I'm afraid hunny. This is a gentle reminder because I don't want someone to pull you up (I already KNOW you are sensitive like myself) we shouldn't really mention weights and numbers incase it triggers others. I see there is already a ''trigger'' warning so we'll carry on now. I'm shorter than you but I weigh more. I'm guessing you are very young, well, I'm very old!!!!! LOL LOL!!! You say all the things that I have said, and do still say, or at least I think it all the time. I DO have an ED and I've suffered ALL of the ED's over the last 30 plus years, I still do. ED's are not always about low weight/calories. Today we now have ED's which supposedly revolve around total ''health food'' which eliminate various food groups, I believe it's called ''Orthorexia''. However, I feel you already have an unhealthy attitude to food and how eating in general makes you feel. I'm very concerned that your hair is starting to suffer, hair and nails go together in suffering when depleted of nutrients. I urge you to seek help, though I know you won't want to do this. I understand why you secretly like the comments of concern from people (so did I) but you are possibily damaging your body, like I have. My ED meant I couldn't have children. Please darling, don't ever think you are crazy, selfish, mad or whatever, you are NONE of those things. Please let me know how you are doing. HUGS.

[buttrfli42481]

Yes you can be anorexic without counting calories. I am in recovery for anorexia and I never once counted calories. I am about as tall as you and weighed x lbs and was put inpatient and almost had to have a feeding tube because my weight was so low. I am now at a healthy weight and have been for 18 months. I also never lost my cycle. Whoever told you that you can't be anorexic is dead wrong. You want to catch this deadly disease before it gets any worse. Being hospitalized is no fun at any age, let alone school aged. You miss out on friend's birthdays, holidays, school, etc. For me I missed out on my daughter's dance recital. That is something I still regret to this day. I have been fighting this disease for 18yrs and I am only 33. Please get help before you do irreversible damage to your body.

[awesomeness05]

Don't worry, I'm going to share this with my therapist. I'm going to print out this discussion, I think and do it that way. but...is it weird that I sort of want to have an ED?I hate it when I lose weight, not really purposefully but I do lose weight or my hair starts thinning and people are like "oh it's not that bad," or they don't notice...I mean I don't want to be attention seeking but it just frustrates me...can you relate? I'm trying to make myself eat but I am honestly scared of gaining "too much" weight. but what if no one believes me? and how can I be anorexic if I'm not actively choosing to starve myself at every meal?

Originally Posted by buttrfli42481

Yes you can be anorexic without counting calories. I am in recovery for anorexia and I never once counted calories. I am about as tall as you and weighed x lbs and was put inpatient and almost had to have a feeding tube because my weight was so low. I am now at a healthy weight and have been for 18 months. I also never lost my cycle. Whoever told you that you can't be anorexic is dead wrong. You want to catch this deadly disease before it gets any worse. Being hospitalized is no fun at any age, let alone school aged. You miss out on friend's birthdays, holidays, school, etc. For me I missed out on my daughter's dance recital. That is something I still regret to this day. I have been fighting this disease for 18yrs and I am only 33. Please get help before you do irreversible damage to your body.

[junkDNA]

why would u WANT to have an eating disorder? nothing about it is glamorous or fun. absolutely nothing. sounds like you might be searching for some attention from ur care providers, based on what u said about wanting to have a "real" illness. not to sound harsh but there are other ways to get attention. everyone deserves attention. but there are negative types of attention and positive types of attention. i would suggest you try to seek out positive attention.

[amandalouise]

to the original poster and others interested...

yes a person can be anorexic without the counting calories or other typical symptoms....

in general the term .....Anorexic.....means a person is a certain percentage under their medical doctors weight charts for that persons height....

going to use hypothetically and widely exaggerated/made up height and weight here to use as an example because actual / real numbers are not allowed in this forum....

here in NY it would look like this....

if a person is 20 feet tall and the medical doctors weight chart says they are supposed to be 8 hundred pounds but their weight is 600 pounds they would be considered anorexic because that person is one quarter percentage under the medical acceptable weight.

(Again this is not a real situation, I do not know anyone that is 20 ft tall and there is no actual/real weight charting for such a situation, actual weight/height charts only go up to 6-8 ft tall.)

it works the other way too here in NY for the term obese the person has to be so much percentage over the medically accepted weight charting for their height....

to find out actual/real numbers of what is considered anorexic for you, contact your own treatment providers..

[awesomeness05]

I feel sooo bad that that came across so wrong. To start off with I am NOT The type to fake an illness for attention, in fact I have never faked sick a day in my life. I don't completely want to have an ED. I was thinking about that this morning. also I only go to the doc when I have a real problem; I never ever go because of weight, unless I'm forced to. I don't want to be in the hospital. I don't want to lose my hair or not be able to have kids. I don't want to be preoccupied with food. But it is, momentarily, tempting because I want control, and I want to be thin. I do want to know I matter. I have depression and sometimes I feel like no one cares. BUT I know its not true and I don't purposefully go "Oh I'm not going to eat cause I want people to know I matter." I hate pity. I do like it when the health care providers care, but I don't purposefully eat so I can go to the doctor; docs scare me!! It's just kind of like an addiction; part of me wants to keep it a secret and stick to this way of life. but part of me tells myself "NO, no way!" I'm doing everything I can to keep my weight up so I don't end up in the hospital. I'd never forgive myself.

Originally Posted by junkDNA

why would u WANT to have an eating disorder? nothing about it is glamorous or fun. absolutely nothing. sounds like you might be searching for some attention from ur care providers, based on what u said about wanting to have a "real" illness. not to sound harsh but there are other ways to get attention. everyone deserves attention. but there are negative types of attention and positive types of attention. i would suggest you try to seek out positive attention.

[Aloneandafraid]

I relate to everything you have written.

[Victoria'smom]

can you have an ED without realizing it, without excessively dieting or being over preoccupation with food or excessively exercising? yes, I originally had this argument with my current therapist. If you don't meet the weight requirement its called ED-NOS.

[Vossie42]

I think you're in a lot of pain and that's being expressed through your low weight and hair thinning. Eating disorders, like just about everything else, is on a spectrum. The signs of an eating disorder can be stronger in one person than another person. It doesn't mean that people with few signs of an eating disorder don't have an eating disorder at all. It means they have less intense symptoms but still deserving of attention, compassion and treatment. And they need the treatment or things will get worse.

Kudos to you for being reaching out and getting help in any way you can get it.