I just looked in the mirror as I was dressing. Once again I have put all the weight back on that I lost. Immediately the feelings of hopelessness and depression hit home.

But why? who says I have to feel this way? My health otherwise is fine. Its that voice in my head that dictates to me how I should feel!

I mean I don't live my life looking in a mirror. My life isn't solely made up of what I look like on the outside. Anyways I mean unless i look down I'm not aware of it constantly. So why look down at it? Is that a form of reprimand?

Who is this person inside of me that won't just be kind to me, that picks out all my weaknesses and then attacks me with them?

So how does this voice think life would be perfect if I was completely happy with my appearance? Is that all this voice wants? Its no interest in who I AM, its only interest is controlling how I look?

How stupid but powerful is this voice? Looking in that mirror this morning I couldnt catch the words. Its so automatic, I look, I see I reject! I promise myself I will do this! I will be strong and powerful and get back the figure that will take away my internal pain.

But then what kind of life is that? Happiness dependent of outside appearences? What does being fat mean to me? That I am dirty and lazy and no good and stupid?

But having an acceptable figure tells me I'm good and smart and perfect? My head is all over the place right now! It says if you can't control your body you might as well die? WHAT! I wish I could be so secure in WHO I AM that I oculd accept myself "as is"

I'm fed up with this internal battle that fights its wars on my body.

[desperado]

Mouse, I so feel your pain. (At least I think I do, I shouldn't assume).

Here are a few tips for when I struggle w/ the mirror (oh, who's kidding who, it's pretty much every day, but anyway):

1. Dress/undress in the dark or w/o light on

2. Cover your mirror w/ a large towel

3. Dress/undress in a room w/o a mirror

4. Write positive affirmations on a huge poster & tape them to your mirror.

I don't know you that well, but you seem to be a lovely person inside..........which is all that matters.

Hope this helps.

Hugs,

Des

OH Desperado! your kindness brought tears to my eyes! Thank you

[desperado]

You are most welcome, mouse. ** Handing you a kleenex & drying your tears **

((((((((((((((((mouse))))))))))))))))

Much love to you.

Des

[Maven]

Society, Hollywood, and Advertisements are what created that voice. And while it's part of Society, you can consider those around you who have said hurtful things (sometimes because they were conditioned by the messages of the three groups I mentioned) as a sub-group.

You know my T in her office has photos of scuptures. Well rounded women with child. It made me go home and check my paintings I have to notice the shape of pepole in them because I too feel one of my daughters is easily influenced by above mentioned condtions. Luckly most of my paintings are atmospheric and not "people" so no problem there. But I think I am going to start including items of "reality" shapes into my home! Good point Maven!

[Maven]

While I don't encourage people to be overweight, you might even show her some art from the past, where overweight women were seen as beautiful, and how those paintings show women in a beautiful light.

One famous painting where the woman isn't fat, but she isn't too skinny, either (and not "molded" or muscular), and is shown as beautiful is "The Birth of Venus" by Botticelli. This is a famous painting of the Goddess of Love, and certainly, the Goddess of Love must be beautiful, yes? Here's a link to the painting and info on it (which I don't vouch for; anyone can add info on Wikipedia, so you can't be sure it's accurate, so keep that in mind) on Wikipedia: The Birth of Venus (Botticelli)