[lil_bit]

Way back at christmastime my grandpa said "oh my! you've--i mean your DAD--has gained weight!" ever since that statement it's been downhill fast. So fast and now i can't stop. But i don't want to stop and that's what scares me the most. 25 lbs down, my BMI is like 17 yet still i can't stop...nor do i try. I want the control and i let that become my world...unfortunately my world is crashing down around me despite that control over my eating. I was supposed to go to dinner tonight (i ate nothing for 2 days so i could have a bagel tonight...) and i was going to talk to him, i NEEDED to talk to him but then he kind of...disappeared. I'm becoming so depressed these days, i'm just not myself anymore. Usually i'm so cheerful, optimistic, and outgoing but i've become an introvert. Now i shy away from socialization and i'm biting people's heads off left and right. This isn't me, oh where have i gone?!
I need help. I can hardly fight one battle at once...but these three are killing me. (anorexia, depression, and now progressing anxiety). My worst fear is that the three are playing off of one another...perhaps the anorexia keeping the anxiety "under control" but it's also fueling the depression?
I know i need help, but i can't get any..i'm alone here =[

[desperado]

Lil,

You are not alone...........I am reaching out to you & offering my arms for comfort. I'll be here as much as I can for you, my friend.

As you prob know, a BMI of 16 is clear anorexia. When we don't get enough food, the amt of serotonin our brain receives is compromised. I wish I could knew how to tell you how to try to nourish yourself more, but I am struggling, too...........all I can offer is my understanding & my friendship & my presence in our journey together........( ** walking beside you **)

Btw, I totally hear you re: control, anxiety, dep.....tradeoffs..........

You CAN beat this.......are you seeing a therapist?

TTYS

Love,

Des

[lil_bit]

Thank you Des, i offer the same understanding to you always as well.
no, i'm not seeing a therapist. I know that i need to, know that i should but I can't see one for various reasons.

Actually no i wasn't aware that 16 was the BMI of clear anorexia, thank you for informing me though =]. now i feel somewhat better because i'm only at 16.9 right now. I've only just begun to get really "into" the old routine though.

*sigh* 'tis a long road down.
I thank you so much for your understanding..SO much.

[Genevieve]

Sorry, if you're going by BMI, you gotta get above 17.5.

Besides, just because you haven't reached some arbitrary threshold doesn't mean you don't have a problem. You know you have a problem, now you gotta figure out what -- if anything -- you plan to do about it? If you aren't seeing a therapist, why not? If it's money, that's too bad, but there are low cost counseling centers nearly everywhere these days, and there are free peer support groups that can be very helpful.

[Soidhonia]

Hello LIL.
I am sorry you are going through this problem at this time. You said that you cant see a therapist, but I feel that you know that you cant get better on your own without professional help. Perhaps just calling and getting information or a name of a support group would help, if it is related to monetary difficulty. There are usually programs that offer reduced rates for Lower income or moderate income individuals. Take care LIL. Soidhonia

[Fifth_Sonata]

I would recommend seeing a counselor or therapist! You could try talking to your school counselor, or if you're at college, they most likely offer free counseling services. You could also think about online counseling!