Transferring to IP - really scared

[FONT="Arial"]So, as soon as I'm stable enough to be transferred, I'm being medivaced from the ICU here to the ICU at Johns Hopkins. And I'm terrified. And I'm really ambivalent. I don't know if I'm ready to change. I don't know if I want to change. I don't want to live like this, in and out of the hospital, but I don't know how to live without my eating disorder. I'm afraid of who I am without my eating disorder, I'm afraid I'm nothing, just a big, empty hole. I'm also afraid that they're not going to be able to help me, and I'm destined to die from this. I've been in IP treatment programs 6 times and had multiple, multiple medical hospitalizations and I'm worse if anything else. I had two good years the last two years until about 9 months ago, and that was the longest period of time I've had relatively behavior free in the last 20 plus years. I just don't know if I can do this. And I'm scared to even try because I don't want to fail at something else. I don't know if anyone has any similar experiences or any advice, but I'd love to hear anything right now. I'm more than terrified. [/COLOR][/COLOR][/FONT]

(((pinkflower))))

Hang in there.

And please trust that the decision that your medical practitioners make will be in your best interest.

I understand your fear.

Any type of change can bring fear of the known and the what ifs?

But keep reassuring yourself that you are among professionals who are looking after you.

Take care of yourself and let us know how you go.

I hope that all goes well medically and that you can find some healing of your heart and spirit, and some peace of mind.

(((((pinkflower17)))))

Thanks. I really appreciate it.