[InACorner]

for some reason...when i get sick it triggers my past anorexia.....i dont know why....when i got sick a long time ago all i could eat was a small banana a day....so now every time i get sick since then i dont eat and if i do eat i can only eat a banana....and then it goes downhill from there....is that weird????

[inkblot]

Happens every time to me. I'm going through another phase right now. I have a lot of bad ideas. So, no, it's not weird. You get that "feel" of being thinner and the body doesn't get the nourishment it needs--defintely triggering.

[InACorner]

ok so im not alone then....its just it feels so good when i cant eat...you know? Im so sick i cant eat and it almost makes me happy....i feel like im a nut case because i get happy when i cant eat......when i was sick with the only could eat a banana thing like i mentioned before i lost 16 pounds...i looked like a skeleton...my bf said i had gaunt eyes and my clothes hung on me....and i was the happiest i could be.....i feel so stupid because of it...but ....im kinda glad im not the only one

[inkblot]

I've had a lot of thought and ideas to go back to the habits and lose weight. I "vent" about it to my primary doc's email. He first found out about my bad eating habits through my emails. He can't really bring it up specifically at appointments because the address is not actually for patients to use. He will actually mention my habits to a point, but he also knows that I am uncomfortable discussing everything about them. He's sweet. I know he gets and reads my messages--and I think it really scares him that I still think like this. I know it concerns him. He saw the effect of my habits a year ago when I was last underweight. I had some really strong ideas about losing weight this past summer and I think he might have put something in the computer even about making sure staff *always* get a weight on me, LOL--even though it's standard procedure there and they are supposed to always do it anyway. You aren't alone, dear InACorner. I love to be sick as well. Yeah, we know it's wrong, but it's hard to help that feeling. You get that feel of it again. It's kind of addicting, we enjoy it so much. It's very hard to give up these habits and thoughts. You can PM or IM me anytime you want to talk. PM me if you want my messenger names. {{{{{{{{{{{{{InACorner}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[ickydog2006]

I get that way too. I have to watch myself really closely when I get sick because it is so easy for me to slip back into not eating or purging when I do.