so maybe I'm weird...

I haven't been posting much here, I'm not exactly in the best place at the moment...not gonna drag anyone down...but I do have a question. How is it possible to lose size and not much weight? Like...I'm losing a lot of size...even beyond the distorted image I see, I can tell that I'm much smaller than before...more bones poking out further...but I've only lost 8 or 9 pounds in the last couple weeks.
hmph. this whole business is just so confusing and frustrating.

i guess a small amount can look like a lot more for many reasons: if you are shorter, also when u get very thin, a small weight loss becomes a lot more noticeable; same if u have a lot of muscle, but not much body fat.

lil bit....8-9 lbs in a couple weeks is a lot of weight to lose. Are you being safe?

It is possible, especially if you're practically not eating anything.
I lost about six pounds in three days last weekend, and feel like crap. Headaches and stuff. Keep yourself safe.

lil bit, how old are you? When I was around 17 or so I lost a lot of size and no weight at all. Had to get a whole new wardrobe. If you're a teen or early 20s, that is what the final growth/hormone things do to women.

Thank you all for the replies

depressme--no...honestly I'm not. I'm not in a good place at the moment but I am eating. just not a ton. Nobody's even noticed my weight loss yet...so it's not that bad.

perna--I just turned 18, so that explanation is fitting. I don't think I much care for that growth hormone....lol.

lil bit, by the time somebody notices, it may be too late. Or there is the possibility that people already notice, they just have not said anything because they don't understand eating disorders.

You said, "it's not that bad." I interpret that to mean its already bad (just not "that" bad). Rapid weight loss by barely eating is dangerous, but you already know that...in your previous post you mentioned you have more "bones poking out further" and you seem to be very concerned about the numbers on the scales. I am also getting the impression this is not the first time you have struggled with this issue. To me, it sounds like you have some of the signs of anorexia. But, I am not a doctor, so maybe I am wrong. Please forgive me if I am reading too much into this post and recalling your past posts incorrectly.

Are you planning on continuing this rapid weight loss until somebody notices and possibly tries to intervene? Why put yourself through that? When I read your posts, I hear you saying you need some help with this. Do you want help?

What can we do to help you? Why are the numbers on the scale so important to you? What have you done in the past to deal with these feelings?

I am worried about you and your health.

Well, we need the growth and hormones happening in their allotted time and if we mess with it, get radical with the dieting or overeating, etc. it can mess us up forever. I hope you're not doing anything I wouldn't do :-) lil bit, if you're trying to lose weight and you don't need to, the combination of what your body is trying to do naturally and what you're forcing on it can cause a heck of a mess for the rest of your life. I'd kind of think about DePressMe's words. It's one thing to lose weight when you're older and your body is "stable" for a bit and a whole different thing screwing with it when it's screwing with you.

Thank you guys so much for caring. It's always nice to know that somebody is out there listening.

My two closest friends right now are both "recovered" from eating disorders, so they know the signs and we are always looking for them in each other to try and help. One did notice tonight after I posted that last reply. She said "you've lost weight haven't you" out of the blue. asked me what i ate. I said crackers and I thought she was going to hit me or something. Then I added that i had peanut butter with the crackers...and she said "well, okay. that's better at least."

I don't think it's bad right now. I have had bad bouts with anorexia before so I'm not sure right now if it's my misperception or what. I ate those crackers and peanut butter, some pretzels, AND an apple tonight...I mean...that's a lot...peanut butter is high in calories.

Depressme, what you got from my posts is entirely correct, and what you've recalled from my previous posts. Right now I think I am okay, I was just perplexed by that detail. (yes I am very fixated on the # on the scale. i know that's not good. but the number is still up). I know when I am at a dangerous point, when I'm "too skinny" and this becomes a real problem. Plus, now that my best friend knows...she will be watching. time for the daily "what did you eat today?" Don't get me wrong, I'm SO glad you guys all care. I am just used to the routine of people watching me. It keeps me in line though, without people watching and caring I might spin out of control but this way I can keep it under bounds.

--Why are the numbers on the scale so important to you?
I think at least I know what threw me back into "the old routine". control. yeah go figure I'm a text-book case I guess. life was spinning out of control and I got back into SI but that can get really bad so...I felt I had to make the choice between SI and this...had to get control over the way I think and feel. I figured this is less, or at least more slowly damaging than SI...and less noticeable to the untrained eye.

Right now I am healthy. I ran 3 miles today and walked 1 but I drank plenty of water and rested and ate an apple afterward. the lowest weight for my range by definition would be 111. I am between 106-8 depending on the time of day. I'm trying to weigh myself less to avoid the trigger. I'm also short...I'm okay.

I feel so bad when people worry about me. I always get help when I know I'm really in trouble. My past posts reveal that.

Please don't feel like I am getting on your case too much. I understand the battle with the numbers because I do it too. I see these things in you, not just because of your posts, but because I see them in myself.

Thanks for letting us know you are keeping an eye on this...I'll try not to worry so much. But, I will always care!

oh no I don't feel like that at all. I'm sorry if I came off like that. I would be crazy to turn somebody away just for caring...we all need people to care for and to care about us. It's hard to see another person falling down a path you're so familiar with. I know...thanks so much for the kind words

Well, we can just hang out here and care about each other then because I could be doing a little bit better too.

*hugs*..sorry. short reply..that's all I can say. very bad day, taking it out on tummy. gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I wrote something....

Never Enough

Is this you? Nothing more?
Can’t you do more, say more, be more?
You should. You want to. And yet…
You fall. You fail. This is you.
Constantly fighting, dreaming, trying
Beneath the tragic beating of time
But it’s never enough. You’re not enough.
You should do this. Say this. Feel this.
But you’re always one step behind.
Behind the world and all you should be.
You could be, you know. If only you were better.
But you’re not. You’re you. You’re less.
Less than now and what tomorrow could be, should be.
Less than who you were and who you’ll never be.
Because you’ll never be enough. You’re you.
Who are you anyway? Do you know?
Are you but a spineless dream?
A fading image of how life seems?
Your soul screams with a thousand desires,
Intangible hopes always beyond your grasp
Because your grasp is you, never enough.
This is a life without the living.
This is to want and never to hold.
Make the choice between never and now
Because you’ll never escape this, never attain this.
You’ll never be this, you’re not enough.

You are enough lit_bit....you are good the way you are right now....I do understand wanting to feel "better." To be better at everything I do so it will make me a better person...nothing can make me a better person--I am who I am suppose to be and there is nothing wrong with that....now, if I could get myself to really, truly believe it. thanks for sharing the poem.

I was angry at other people's expectations when I read that. It just seems logical to me that if they know about my ed, they would not say things like that...they would try not to further trigger me by intensifying the thoughts already going through my head. but hey...who ever said the world was logical obviously had the wrong definition for logic. heh.

You lose muscle. But your body holds onto the other stuff necessary to keep your body alive. It's being starved. it is fighting back.