off my food today. I think I enjoyed my pizza a little too much last night (still feel very full!)

still, I struggled through breakfast and going to have roast lamb for dinner. not sure about many snacks.. I've had 3 or 4 gummies and 2 cookies, but think that will be it until dinner.

[Deilla]

I'm doing okay.

[Mountaindewed]

I ate cereal for breakfast. 2 rice cakes for a morning snack. 2 mini bagels with cream cheese for lunch. Ramen for an afternoon snack, And another rice cake for an afternoon snack. So yeah ramen, rice cakes, and cereal again. The bagels I put in the freezer the other week since I couldn’t eat them all before they went bad. So I took out 2 today. When this first whole eating thing happened right after Thanksgiving I was eating English muffins instead of bagels. Then the English muffins stopped and now it’s turned into bagels. So basically I’ve been eating the same stuff since Thanksgiving and I have a Facebook picture from December 2020 that say “what grocery shopping looks like when you’ve been eating the same foods for 3 weeks.” And the picture is a bunch of boxes of cereal and Goldfish crackers. I have mixed stuff up recently and I’ve even eaten some meat recently.

I bought Count Chocoula, frankenberry, and boo berry cereals today. Since it’s cereal, it’s a safe food. It doesn’t matter what kind of cereal I eat. Although I prefer sweet kinds of cereal marketed towards kids. I opened a box of cinnamon French toast crunch today.

[Deilla]

I'm not eating much. I'm just not hungry.

[MuddyBoots]

Barely ate today. Part of it is depression/low appetite, partly I'm unhappy with the number on the scale. It works out.

famous stomach ache again

lovely...

and all I've had today is some candy and a few sausages

officially haven't worked out since saturday. i feel soft. but my eating is definitely under control again. i'm able to restrict again. i don't feel uncontrollable urges to binge

i'll have to start up the exercise again tomorrow. to stay on track with my goal for a marathon. after that i can lose weight. i want to lose the 10 lbs i gained this year. maybe more, but at least that.

[Deilla]

I've been stress-eating. I'm craving protein. I keep eating turkey and cheese.

treat day.

looking forward to my mcdonalds

I had a very nice mcdonalds yesterday. yummy

my strange logic: im restricting until my new running shoes come hopefully by tuesday. needed new ones to avoid injury. i was a little injured last saturday from my shoes so i decided not to exercise for a while. but really it was os that i would stop binging, needing to eat a lot of calories to sustain the exercise. it was exhausting overwhelming and triggering.

i hit a weight too high and i'm snapping back into restriction. i fasted on saturday. i'm trying to eat high protein so my muscles dont deteriorate too much but i have not lifted a single weight in almost two weeks. i'm choosing this over my marathon i guess. i gave myself permission to run a 6+hour marathon. just running to finish it, not focused on results anymore...

certain jobs i've been too weak to do and had to quit. now i cant run my marathon. it is also very expensive to buy restriction foods. not that i was cheap while binging.

[Deilla]

I cooked pesto pasta that came out terrible. I ate it. I never want pesto again. I'm throwing the rest away. I have a turkey and swiss sandwich for later.

[Blue_Bird]

I'm struggling lately/relapsing whatever you want to call it., I have been in a cycle of

Possible trigger:

restrict/binge/purge

and it's hard to get back out of. My therapist recommended having my doctor refer me to a nutritionist. They always bring that up and I never take their advice. I went once like 6 years ago to one single appointment with one and never went back. It wasn't a bad experience or anything, I just wasn't ready to give up my ED behaviors at the time. I don't really know what to do. I'm obsessing again. I don't want to end up back in the hospital like I did a few years ago from

Possible trigger:

restricting

. It scared me, honestly. The fact that my heart was beating abnormally, electrolyte imbalance. etc I didn't want to die so that scared me straight for awhile but I'm back at the old behaviors again.

[Deilla]

I ate deli turkey and swiss when I wasn't that hungry. I guess I was craving the protein.

had my weekly mcdonalds today.

it was nice!

[Deilla]

I've been craving snacks like apples, yogurt, cheese and nuts.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Deilla

I've been craving snacks like apples, yogurt, cheese and nuts.

Yeah ive been craving crunchy stuff! And i am not normally a crunchy person.

I have a jug of twin peaks protein puffs - they are like body builders cheezy poofs. But i cant eat them endlessly, even tho they are tasty. My current jug is garlic parmesan.

[MuddyBoots]

Had a bowl of raisin bran for breakfast, some yogurt and birthday cake for lunch. I'm mildly freaking out because on birthdays we usually go out to eat for dinner. I was weighed this morning in the hospital. My "mom" there (just a counselor I really like and who really likes me forsome reason) flipped her **** when she heard I lost even more weight. Still was discharged though because that's not why I was admitted.

[Mountaindewed]

I weighed myself this morning at my usual time. cool number. I weighed myself at 1:45 and I was less then I was this morning. Weird. I didn’t restrict today. I just ate my usual 4 safe foods. I did have a wafer like chocolate bar for breakfast to help my sweet tooth craving that creeps up every now and then.

I’d like to get some matzo ball soup. I usually stay away from soup because of the sodium. Even drained chicken noodle soup can cause issues. But I haven’t had this in awhile. I can’t find it though.

I avoided dinner with the family and ate on my own before they came. I hate eating in front of people, and I hate BBQ food and it makes me feel sick because everyone in my family burns the food and then I feel like I’m just eating charcoal.

I did take a med half an hour ago so I could become tired so I could avoid nighttime hunger. My Geodon can still sometimes make me hungry at night. So yeah that was a bit of disordered thinking. I hope I don’t need a giant coffee tomorrow. I’ve pretty much cut out iced coffees. I also only eat fast food when I’m desperate. I’ll still drink a regular soda once a week.

I read today that 25% of trans people are too heavy for surgery. I’m glad that’s not my case. Most trans men I know and have seen on TV are heavy. My doctor told me my risk for complications was low because I am not heavy and am in good shape. That made me feel good.

[MuddyBoots]

Weighed myself this morning and was not impressed. I need to start running again. Screw my hip. I gotta talk to my T about possibly having an eating disorder, but she won't return my phone calls. Literally half my calories today came from coffee (tried Dunk's pumpkin iced coffee and it's really good, I know I'm late on that one though).
My mom commented on how thin I'm getting, said I looked "almost anorexic." Guess I gotta wear more baggy clothes. I usually just wear PJ pants and a T-shirt but today I wore leggings and a tunic. I don't see the thin-ness though, just the balls of fat I can grab. But yeah, definitely gotta get a hold of my therapist and tell her I'm not afraid of being poisoned anymore but I still don't want to eat.

[Blue_Bird]

I'm still struggling, but am working on it.

[Deilla]

I was craving a snack, but I don't have any snack food. So I ate pickles and turkey and cheese rollups. My stomach doesn't feel too good right now. I feel too full.

[MuddyBoots]

I really should eat something. Think I'll go eat some oatmeal.

[Deilla]

I woke up hungry and ate 3 small pancakes. I used sugar-free syrup so hopefully, it wasn't too bad.

[unaluna]

I am out of my diabetes med, so i have been low carbing it. I will pick it up tomorrow.

Tonight i took a shower so i will be ready to go first thing.

I bought stuff like canned beets, red peppers, green beans, and canned white and sweet potatoes from amazon. I still have canned mushrooms, lima beans, kimchi, and tuna and squid. I havent had heartburn or gallbladder pain in a while, knock on wood.

So it kinda goes like this - first meal is usually starch and veg, maybe veg protein like beans or soy tvp. Then lunch is fish, then dinner are 1 or 2 veg. We're not counting the sugar free jello puddings, right? We are almost out of them. Hopefully by then my kitchen will be clean and i can start making chocolate berry oatmeal for dinner.