Burnt myself; so why purge as a punishment?

I was so mad tonight because I burnt myself; bad. I was cooking supper when the stupid electric frying pan tummbled off the counter. I tried to stop it but my fingers went straight into the pan of hot grease. I am trying to type with my one hand. I am covered in blisters and it hurts like hell. sry. Anyway, I was so mad at myself that I purged until my eyes felt like they were popping out. Then a whack of lax after. Just plain stupid. Sometimes I wonder if I deserve any help; or will I even make it until then? I feel like poo.
justme

aw sorry (((justme))))) <font color=blue> you said it yourself: punishment.

So much of eating disorders is punishment. Not feeling worthy, low self esteem... passive suicide.

Try not to continue to punish yourself over this, having already done so... by dwelling on it with your thoughts. Try and think, okay, maybe that wasn't the smartest thing you've done, you'll try and do better in the future.

((Sky)); thank you very much. I have been feeling badly all day. My hand hurts; one of my fingers are covered in blisters. A few on the others. I suffered from my laxatives; did not sleep any and continues through today. I am staying clear of food though, just better that way. My kids want to go see a movie so I think I might do that. My only concern is that its "not all through my body" yet. I will look real cute running to the washroom during the movie. Oh well, its not their fault so I guess its better than sitting here feeling like this.

itsjustme

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((just))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Are you ok? I hope the burn is not bad. I know little burns can hurt real bad, I can't imagine a big burn.

I am thinking of you, write to me

Your Friend,
Leslie

Thanks Leslie. It is really sore and I think I might have to have my doc look at it. One of my fingers is so swollen and blistered. Oh well, there are worse things in life. I am more mad at myself than anything. My mind is just to full; I am not paying attention. I just had a bad experience with my mom. I dont know what her problem is but she was mean to me and now I feel like she is turning on me too. Just like my dad. This is going to be a hard one tonight. I keep wanting to harm myself but am trying so hard not too. Just needing to keep things clear in my head; think about whats important.

justme