Punishment

What can you do when you're all alone?
Your body trembles and you're crying.
When you can't be who you are.
When you're afraid of who you've become.

You punish yourself, it's the only way
Something so very wrong is inside
It needs to be bled out of your cuts
When you're afraid of who you've become.

Who will understand why I've done this?
Surely, the only person who matters.
But everything you do is so very wrong
When you're afraid of who you've become.

Tell me the truth--you're soaking in self pity
But no, I'm drowning in black torrid depression.
You must be happy. Smile. Be happy.
You're afraid of who you've become.

I'm crying black tears, anger, hate, sorrow.
I'm bleeding black blood, freedom, peace, joy.
You're sick of hearing how much I hate myself.
And I'm afraid of who I've become.

Voices are chattering, horror movies playing
In my twisted mind. Delusions reign supreme.
I've lost my inner child, I've lost my identity.
And I'm afraid of who I've become.

My little girl gave me an angel today; says love on her wings. She is beautiful. I thanked her; hugged her, kissed her. She said to me, "its a goodbye present." I have to go to dads soon. The pain; I cant handle. The sorrow; I cant handle. Their tears; I cant bare. Their sadness; kills me. They went to a movie; I punished myself.

itsjustme

((((justme)))) i'm so very sorry that you feel this way. i can practically feel your pain pour out through your words. i don't know what to say beyond that. you do not deserve to be punished. i know it feels like it is the only way to deal with what you are feeling. i know what it's like to feel like that is your only option, too. poetry is one way to do it. the bottom line is learning to love and care for yourself, though. and that's something that takes time. you can get there. hang tough, ok? and keep writing to us. tell us all how you feel. we are your friends and we're here for you always. take care of yourself in whatever way you can think of today, even if it's just something small. you do deserve it. please believe that.

((((Hugs)))))

Angela (SC)

-comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable-

Thank you ((sweet)); I feel good to write here; because you all relate so much. You are my friends and I value what u have to say and the support, encouragement, and concern that u show.
Thanks for being my friend; I need friends right now.
justme