I feel so out of control I don't want to lose anymore

They want me to do PHP (maybe IP resi or IOP, but probably PHP)
But there is just tooo much shyt going on.
I'm getting my blood checked soon to see where my Hep C levels are at, my roommate and I are fighting daily but I have no place else to go, my pdoc keeps digging and DIGGING into trauma I just want to lock in a heavy box and throw off the Niagara Falls, this is my first holiday season without any family and I'm not even supposed to say "hi" to anybody, I'm dealing with PAWS. I've gotten like 13 hours of sleep over the past 7 days, 3 of those being all-nighters (there was a 30 minute nap during there day in there somewhere). They screwed up my meds so I can't get the new meds until whenever they get their **** together.

I can't even look at food without panicking. I can't eat it without crying. If I have a meal or more it comes back up. My weight's come so a standstill and I just want it to go down down down until I fade into the black, but sometimes I binge and gain, and then when I lose that weight back it's a huge sigh of relief.

(Shyt forgot the Q) so my question is should I do the PHP

Good morning Muddy,


I am sorry you are going through so much. I hope you can find some peace in your life.