[Blueberrybook]

Going out to eat at a seafood restaurant for my anniversary tonight. It's been 20 years married. Hopefully, that goes OK and I order what I really want instead of what the ED wants. Sometimes, in these cases, I compromise between the 2 and get something I do like but lower in fat than my instinctive choice, still something the ED is not the least bit happey with. These days, I can't eat things that are fried or greasty b/c of having an ulcer in the past (not ED related). It gives me heartburn and wicked acid reflux, usually in my sleep and then ruins my sleep, which messes with my bipolar.

[Blueberrybook]

Took a rest day from exercise today. Of course, the ED HATES it. My body is exhausted though. For once, I listened to my body. I know that is a good thing, but it doesn't stop the guilt

[Mountaindewed]

Med increases aren't helping the restriction its just making it easier but not really on purpose I guess

[Blueberrybook]

I'm stressed b/c I didn't exercise today and I won't be able to tomorrow either b/c of a planned family day. Just wanting to tear of my own skin. This ED lays one H*LL of a guilt trip

[Blueberrybook]

Just tired of having ED thoughts louder than normal. I want them to GO AWAY!

[Blueberrybook]

Well, another walk/jog today; more than I need I think but ugh, I feel this NEED to go every day; it's frustrating. The other frustrating thing is that I've been at this a month now, and my weight hasn't budged, which of course, the ED thoughts do NOT like a bit, but I KNOW on the intellectual hand that my weight is healthy absolutely normal, NORMAL for my height, according to my PCP who was delighted at my latest weight reading. UGH.

[emily1890]

I am waiting for my money so I can order some more snacks

trust me, i am really struggling without them- especially because my regular meals come no where close to filling me up

[Blueberrybook]

I've lost some weight walking & jogging. Not a lot, but ugh, seeing those smaller numbers on the scale definitely makes the ED thoughts happy. If I could have one wish in the world, it would be that I never have ED thoughts again. But I don't even think that's possible. It's been 20 yrs. at a healthy weight except a few small blips and those stupid thoughts STILL persist, yes, quieter than when the ED completely ruled my world, but I hate that they are still here.

[MuddyBoots]

Daily purging

[Blueberrybook]

@MuddyBoots
Sorry you're struggling. You DO have the power to turn it around. I know it's easier said than done tough. ((((HUGS))))

I took a rest day from walking/jogging today, and the ED really doesn't like it. Then I checked the weather forecast, and there's an 80% chance of thunderstorms tomorrow, which means I likely won't be able to exercise tomorrow either, and now it's too hot outside to go, and I've already showered today and def. do not want to shower again. Ugh.

[Blueberrybook]

Time for another rest day from walking/jogging. Plus it's misting outside, and I don't like to go in rain/wet weather b/c I don't want to fry my electronics - especially my phone & earphones. I feel guilty about it on the one hand but I'm listening to my body on the other hand. I am exhausted from exercising several days in a row, so I DO need to take a break, but my ED thoughts do not like it.

[emily1890]

I've massively undereaten today and it's not great

One strawberry since I woke at 5:00 this morning. It's now 15:13

[Blueberrybook]

I've been taking more rest days and having less anxiety with it. I still do have anxiety when I don't exercise, but this past week it's been more manageable.

[Blueberrybook]

How is everyone doing? This thread has been very quiet lately.

[Mountaindewed]

Now the whole question of is it an ED or is it not is coming up again. Right now I'm just too lazy to fix dinner

[Blueberrybook]

Exercised too much today and did housework on top of it. I really need to break this cycle.

[emily1890]

Struggled with breakfast today. My throat is such an obstacle.

I hope dinner is better. I am hungry so it's a start..

[Blueberrybook]

emily, sorry you're struggling. Glad you have an appetite for dinner (((HUGS)))

[Blueberrybook]

Just triggered today.Ugh, I feel like banging my head.

[Blueberrybook]

Still having issues with exercise. It's bordering on compulsive exercise now if it isn't already there. That's the main problem I get - purging type anorexia where the purging is done through excessive exercise. I usually eat okay just not enough calories to keep up with the exercise burn and of course I still get that thrill seeing lower numbers on the scale. I've gotta rein it in, either exercise less or eat more but doing those always makes me feel a load of guilt

[MuddyBoots]

I hate this body. I hate it. I want every extra bits gone. Everything. Fat. Boobs. Hair. Appendix. Tonsils. Hell, get rid of a kidney and as much of my liver as possible.

Actually, just expel my brain from existence.

[Blueberrybook]

@MuddyBoots I am so sorry you're having so much difficulty. The worst thing about EDs is you're NEVER happy with your body no matter how much weight you lose. I remember I was WAY beyond hospitalization with my weight at several points in my life, and even then I hated my body and thought I was fat. You could disappear into practically nothing and still think you're fat & need to lose weight. Sigh.

I'm still struggling with compulsive exercise and I know it's not all OCD but ED too. My weight is perfect accorind to my PCP and I need to maintain. I lost some weight running but the past month or so I have been maintaining which is good I know intellectually but ED thoughts definitely wish I'd lose more

[MuddyBoots]

This time of year and my ED like fighting to the death. Except neither ever die, they just hide for a bit to come back for another battle.

I b/p'd in the most dangerous way I know how last night and was super upset when I woke up this morning...before the alarm at that.

Literally want to go on a meth diet to lose weight and clean windows, but it'll be more like paranoid psychosis and probably being arrested or kicked out.

keep thinking about all the comments other people have made on my body, and it's funny how there's a general trend b/t males and females.
Men: jiggly butt!
women: I want to inject cheeseburgers into that *** of yours.

[Blueberrybook]

How is everyone doing this week? This thread has been rather quiet. I wish that would mean nobody is struggling but sadly I know that's not the truth

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

How is everyone doing this week? This thread has been rather quiet. I wish that would mean nobody is struggling but sadly I know that's not the truth

Because this thread is always hoppin' haha

I'm alright. I did a few b/p's but I have been doing better at planning and scheduling meals. I saw a dr in person and got weighed and that was awful, but luckily have a IUD ripped through my cervix was worse so I don't even remember the number

I'm finding it really hard to find a balance between restriction and overeating. When I'm actively trying to be healthy I get a little **** about what times I eat and I just go with it for breakfast and lunch, but with dinner I generally plan to eat my own meal, and generally do, but maybe 30 minutes after I eat my mom (living with currently) asks if I have whatever she's cooking and sometimes it's too freaking good to not but also sometimes the nutrient combo b/t her food and mine isn't "right" to me and it drives me mad. Along with the fact I'm having two supers. Yeah, there's that too.