[Blueberrybook]

Quiet thread here lately. How is everyone doing?

I slowed down the exercise today, pilates. At least I'm regularly alternating pilates between power walks. It doesn't burn nearly as many calories but it is good for toning and core strength. Plus, it is not as hard on my body physically. I often have SI joint and hip issues.

[Blueberrybook]

I'm tired of ED thoughts in my head and just want them to go away. I'm pretty much maintaining my weight but still exercising too much. It's the thoughts that get me. They never have gone completely away, quieter at times but louder of late. Just ignore them, push on through. I know things will come around to getting better, they usually do eventually cycle around again.

[Blueberrybook]

Overexercising but at least I'm eating enough to maintain my weight.

I really wish I could be done with ED type thoughts. Don't eat that, you'll get fat; no, I exercise a lot, I need the calories, but it's a COOKIE, that is a BAD, BAD food! But I eat healthy most of the time, want to get fat? Nearly all the women in your family are fat...! But I take more after my dad's side of the family, the women on that side are not overweight, but your mom is, your middle sister is, bad genetics...and didn't you eat birthday cake with H last week?! The scale is not moving, maybe it's broken, no it's not, the scale at the pdoc's says the same, F*KKing scale! My current weight is healthy, I don't need to lose...! OMG, just make it STOP already!

[MuddyBoots]

I don’t have a scale. I want to see if I’ve lost weight which is dumb, I know I have because my pants are loose, but I need CONFIRMATION that they’re not just stretched and I need QUANTITY!

Not even eating disorder stuff, just lack of appetite from focalin but the ED obsessiveness wants the deets.

[Blueberrybook]

muddy, that sucks. EDs are SO intrusive in our thought patterns. It's good you don't own a scale but not great about the lack of appetite. You should maybe discuss it with your pdoc or is the ED thinking secretly pleased with the lack of appetite and not wanting to bring it up to the pdoc? I know yesterday I didn't eat very well because of being nauseous (I always am mid-point in my cycle), and while I was hating the nausea the ED part of my brain was happy I didn't eat much...sigh.

[MuddyBoots]

The ED part of my brain is thrilled with the lack of appetite, but I did mention it to my therapist and she said she would mention it to my pdoc. I going to bring it up with her, but I’m waiting until my appointment in a little over a week. It doesn’t feel like too much of an emergency to lower the dose or stop it immediately because I AM eating every day, it’s just not “real meals,” I guess. I’m kinda reverting back to my actual ED days of (actually gonna edit that part out because even though I’m not really eating them as “safe foods” that’s what they were at the time. Now they’re more “low-effort foods”).

I’m hoping I just adjust to the med soon. The Focalin really feels like the “heaviest duty”prescribed stimulant I’ve tried (granted I’ve only else tried Ritalin and Concerta which is basically extended release Ritalin). Focalin is also methylphenidate, but its DEXmethylphenidate so slightly different somehow (not sure exactly haven’t read up but I assume similar enough but different enough).