[HunterJumperGirl]

as most of you know i am anorexic-bulimic. i am currently 122 lbs and 5'2 short i recently(three days ago) got my appetite back. I am constantly eating and hating myself for it. Is this part of my ED? I hate eating but i cant control myself. its like my bod took over. and i gained two lbs..grrrr

[Labyssum]

Wow, I'm exactly the same height and weight as you! :-o
I think with E.D.s your body starts to go crazy and you binge and can't stop...This happens to me after periods of starvation. It sucks. But you'll get past it.

[HunterJumperGirl]

oh wow thats cool...man yesterday i binged and i am 126!!!!!!!ggggrrrr SO FAT!!!! ugh i hate it....but the good thing is now i'm not hungry...*sigh*

[Amie2]

I try not to weigh myself. Just drives me kucoo

Amie

[HunterJumperGirl]

i HAVE to weigh myself twice a day and if i dont i think about how i didnt weigh myself and it drives me nuts if i dont..

[Amie2]

okay. I have my doc's scale at my house and so far I have only weighed myself once.

I guess we all get by in our own way hey? Do you find christmas to be hard?

Amie

[Amie2]

I almost forgot to ask you Hunter. What does your pic say about anorexia? I can't quite read it.

Amie

[Ocean13]

Hi Hunter!
Being Anorexic and Bulimic is hard. It also sounds like you are going through times of binging. Which would be common with both ED's you have. It's trying to heal so you don't feel the need to have these binges that's sooo hard.
Do you find yourself having something emotional going on in your life and you tend to binge more at that time? Even triggers can cause you to want to binge too.
Talk to your T. Try to work out what's bringing on your binges.
Blessings~
Ocean13

[lil_bit]

"starvation is control, control is tough. Bones are beautiful, when thin isn't enough"

[Amie2]

That quote is so true. With me it is definitely about control. It is also about not wanting to be older and wanting to be a child again. And not wanting to be sexual (which I haven't figured out the reason for yet).

Amie

[Ocean13]

Amie,
The not wanting to be sexual many times is a result of some type forms of abuse usually sexual. When we were children we were innocent, clean, untouched. Someone comes along and abuses us and takes that innocent away from us forever. Some will began gaining control through things like ED's. Others may cut or other abuse to help deal. Wanting that childhood back that was taken from us.

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Amie2 said:
That quote is so true. With me it is definitely about control. It is also about not wanting to be older and wanting to be a child again. And not wanting to be sexual (which I haven't figured out the reason for yet).

Amie

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[Amie2]

yes Ocean I wonder about that. I had some stuff happen to me but I wonder if it would warrant causing my eating disorder. I am almost totally disinterested in sex and I wonder about that too. I also have pain issues that a number of doctors have said is likely the result of sexual abuse (psychologically and physically). I wish that I could just know for sure one way or another. Then maybe I would know what to do next like go to a sexual abuse survivors group or something.

Amie

[Ocean13]

It sounds like there's a strong possibility that you are blocking those memories. Believe me when I say when those memories do come it will be the hardest thing you've ever faced. Hopefully, it will allow you to deal with them, come to grips with the past, and move on healthy & happy. Ready to live your life without all the stresses it brings with it.

I know I was molested by an adult but I have no memory how far it went or how I got away from him. It scares me that one day it's going to hit me like a bomb.

Have you been seeing a therapist? If you aren't ready to talk to a group you should consider a therapist. You're mind and body are reacting to something. It'd be safer for you to be in a safe environment if any memories were to come out.

Don't hesitate to email me anytime.

Take Care

Ocean


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Amie2 said:
yes Ocean I wonder about that. I had some stuff happen to me but I wonder if it would warrant causing my eating disorder. I am almost totally disinterested in sex and I wonder about that too. I also have pain issues that a number of doctors have said is likely the result of sexual abuse (psychologically and physically). I wish that I could just know for sure one way or another. Then maybe I would know what to do next like go to a sexual abuse survivors group or something.

Amie

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[DePressMe]

HunterJumperGirl, sorry for being late to catch your post. Tell you the truth--I am not sure exactly where I have been...

I am anorexic-bulimic...it is so tough bouncing from one to the other--its a daily struggle to maintain control of myself and my eating.

I too weigh myself, but I limit myself to once a day. Yesterday I had a hamburger and french fries. I felt so incredibly guilty, but I managed to not vomit. Today, I was too scared to get on the scales and I know I will worry about it all weekend--try to make up for it.

You're not alone--hang in there and try to be good to yourself!

[Amie2]

Thanks Ocean for your support. I do see a therapist but we have not explored this alot. She says that if I can't go to her day group at some point then I can go to a night group at the sexual assault center. Might be something for me down the road. Right now I will work on the problems that are actively there. Thanks again.

Amie

[jujubean22]

well just keep positive about your weight. i dont know much about eating disorders but i think i am developing one. lately i have been obsessing about what im eating and how much i weigh. we need to stick together and beat or obsessions with this. this may sound worthless coming from me since i am not practicing what i preach but know it comes from the heart when i say that starving yourself to lose weight is not worth it. ive fell into a spiral of obsessing about it and its horrible. Just stay happy Good luck to you.