[AAAAA]

I have a friend here at PC that is battling ED. She's very shy and doesn't like to speak out much. Did I see and ED support chat? Is there anyway to get one started. I'm totally ignorant on the subject but would like to get her in touch with someone here that is willing to help with support and such. Any ideas?

[Christina86]

((((((((((((AAAAA & friend))))))))))))))

There might be one starting that is guided by a member here, but that will be coming in the future. At the moment, (as far as I'm aware) there is only DocJohn's Tuesday Chat, and a Recovery (from addictions) chat.

[ThePainNeverDies]

If she needs to talk to anyone, she can talk to me, just get her to email me or something anytime.. I will be willing to help if she needs it

xxKirstenxx

[wishfulmuscle]

try having her get on this site.. just to look around and read up on some of the things it offers.. im hooked, i sign in everyday and just reading others posts and seeing how supportive everyone is makes me feel better

[AAAAA]

You guys are awesome! I'm totally out of my element on this topic. She's reading the thread and I hope she reaches out to the fountain of wisdom here. Thanks so much for the replies!

[ThePainNeverDies]

She spoke to me on chat last night, which I think was helpful for her, I gave her as much advice as I could think of then and she knows she ca always email me if she needs to, but wil carry on chatting anyways

[AAAAA]

Thanks so much!

[LivinWithED]

I think that's a great idea. I always get on here hoping that there's someone in the chatroom that can relate but there's usually only people with OCD, DID, SI or any of the other things. It'd be nice to talk to a group about it.

My roommate is recovered from anorexia and she went to group every week when she was in recovery. I think it would be really helpful to get a group of people together every week at a certain time to talk about how our week has gone and what worked for us, what didn't.

If anyone is interested, let me kno. I was thinking maybe like sunday night works. Maybe around 9:00, 8:00 central.

the problem is that "well meaning" people say the most hurtful things.. basically it is NOT ok to talk openly about active ED symptoms in chat. There are several of us regulars there who know that we can only talk when it's just us. If you say you have only had a few calories, someone is bound to start in with things like "why don't you...." do this do that, eat something... "you're killing yourself" and so on...

i mean, afterall... just stop having an ED and get better. Just eat something. Yeah... just don't throw up - easy, right?

The number one thing someone can do to give support to a person with an ED (or anything else for that matter) is to LISTEN and NOT JUDGE. Try NOT offering advice.. offer support.. offer a listening ear... suggest solutions and not just tell them they are wrong for having an illness.

ok... off my soapbox for now.. will try not to explode

[LivinWithED]

I understand that what people say is sometimes hurtful, but honestly, nothing anyone can say to us is as hurtful as what we say to ourselves. "You can't eat that because you're fat", "you should run five miles because you just screwed up", "You should stay home and run because your friends wont like you when you're this fat, don't eat tomorrow, then you can go out"

I completely agree that we dont need someone to judge us, we just need someone to listen. But am i right when i say that it's hard to talk to people that dont understand how it feels? Personally, i find large support groups to be helpful. I think there's always going to be something that offends someone else when talking about a serious subject like this but sometimes you just need to talk about it and if you can talk about it with someone who can relate, i feel like it's easier to open up and get things off your chest.

[wishfulmuscle]

Agreed, to every aspect, 100%.

well said

[wishfulmuscle]

i agree with everything you just said 100%. well said.

[AAAAA]

I am not attempting to judge anyone, I was reaching out for a person that asked me for help and I am out of my element.

As for support, I WILL NOT support any destructive behavior in any form, the person sure, not the behavior. I will not encourage an alcoholic to take a drink, a bulemic to throw up, and SI to cut, a manic to continue unhealthy behaviors... you get the idea.

And if you see a comment such as do some research or go to a doctor to find out how many calories you need to LIVE as unsupportive, I am sorry you feel that way. I've been in chat when the competition for the fewest calories of the day have been going on.

The day I pissed you off in chat I was in PM with someone in chat that has been ill for a long time. She is trying to beat her disease and was trying to deal with the fact that she had consumed more calories that day than she had in a long time, meanwhile (and I truly cannot recall your contribution) in open chat was the: I had 95 calories today etc. Which is why I said I'd like to see you ladies support each other making healthy choices.

[LivinWithED]

I'll be on today at 9:00pm eastern time or 8:00 central time if anyone wants to get on and chat.

pissed me off in chat? que? not following you... but whatever... i think maybe you are referring to a day when some of us were comparing calories.. not competing.. there really is a difference. The biggest one being interpretation by someone who does not live this.

i'm not really sure why you are personalizing this... i was responding to the post above mine in this thread... so...um.. not going to go there. i've already got another thread about this very topic.. and so i thought it was relevant...

um.. no one asked anyone to support a bulimic throwing up, etc... i said don't judge. Don't respond with "don't do this or that" not because the person should be doing the particular behaviour, but because they aren't just making a *simple* choice. It's very deeply complicated.... and believe me when i say that pretty much every bulimic i know wishes to god they could just stop. i don't wake up each day and think "hey, i know.. i can ruin my life... cool." i wake up thinking that i have to try harder... i need to get control of this.. i need to DO something... and then someone tells me to just "stop."

i didn't say you told me that.. honestly, i talk to a lot of people online.. i dont recall talking to you specifically about it. im asking for people to think about this in the same way they would any other sort of illness, why aren't we treated the same? i mean.. it's easy to wave a difficult behaviour in our face as justification... but it doesn't help me, it doesn't help anyone. i already know that throwing up is bad for me. i already know i need more calories. i already know i am causing my body damage. i already know i need to stop.

what i dont think you're hearing me say... and this is a limitation of just reading what i am writing instead of actually hearing me say it.. is that pretty much all of us, even the very young, we all understand on a deep level that what we are doing is wrong somehow... why do you think that even the youngest do it secretively? We know. If it hurts you, like you say, then speak in terms of compassion... doing so isn't "supporting" the behaviour.

i know the SI people suffer this way too. Like it's ok.. it's not ok. Being ashamed to talk about these behaviours only makes it all worse. "i feel disgusting" is a common thing we say to ourselves... or admit to each other.

maybe i am expecting too much... to be treated equally?

AAAAA... this post isn't about you.. it isn't about anyone and its about everyone. i'm just asking for understanding and compassion in chat.

[Alaizabel]

I'm new so I hope I'm not being rude somehow. Sorry, anxiety disorder. I'm anorexic and I just want to say that I would love if someone would listen to me every once in a while and it just makes me feel even worse when people tell me that I need to eat or they push food on me. The worst, and unfortunately most common, is that I'm skinny enough so why am I complaining. Isn't that horrible? I would never think about saying that to someone...

[wishfulmuscle]

hey Al,

if you ever need anything, please feel free to contact me. I'm 19 with anxiety, bulimia, and noprofessional help, because where i live they're all booked until this time next year.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
that I'm skinny enough so why am I complaining. Isn't that horrible?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
yes Alaizabel, that is horrible. i do hope that you can see that sort of comment is more about their own weight concerns than about you though, love. They want to be thinner,, so they envy you. They aren't considering the suffering you endure. If it helps.. i'm listening. Talk here... we get it.

[wishfulmuscle]

she's right.. theyre definately jealous of how you appear, with no idea how you feel inside. dont take it too personal love