very triggering.... be careful if you read.. ok???

First... I will say... I am very upset... not at anyone at PC...so please.. please do not... ever think that...

Second.... I have FOUGHT... my ED... tooth and nail... and if you doubt it.. go back and look at my posts... they are a record of my journey...

Third.... I have NO IRL support from family.. from friends.. from even my therapist who seems facinated by my DID... not from my MD who runs the other way....and I have switched MD's.. and T's...from time to time...

Fourth... I am not just battling ED.... I have asthma, GERD, DID, GAD, SI, severe depressions.... severe.., Fibrom... IBS

Fifth... each and every night that I lay down to sleep.. my nightmares... you could make horror movies using them....from the serverity of the abuse in my childhood.. and 12 years of marriage in which I was a punching bag..

Sixth... I am 52... yes... not "old"... but.. my body... isn't fighting for me anymore...

Seventh.... I have had some major life events.. heart attack... death of darn near all of my family... and my very good friend.. recently...

so.. I am on a ton of meds that knock me out.. or I would not sleep...I would not go to bed.. because who wants to want up screaming???

so breathing is hard... acid comes up.. and irrtates my asthma.. burns my throat... and my sinus..

soooooooooooooooooooo.. I guess... I would say... I do not want to hear.. one more time "it is up to you, if you want to get well"...

I say.... give me some more money... I will go to a dietcian.. I will go to more therapy.. I will pay someone to shop for me.. and cook for me.. as I am unable...due to my other DX's....

Thru.. my battle I have NEVER... ever given up.. I have gotten discouraged.. I have posted that I "give up".. then picked up myself and moved on...

my body.. will only process a handful of foods... I cannot have the wonderful wonderful orange that I want... it would make me sick... very..

My ED.. is stress related...

I want to say.. to Everyone.. in th WORLD............. I AM TIRED... I AM POOPED>>>

I am tired of being judged... for things... that I could not control.. like my multiple personality disorder... I didn't create that...severe, severe abuse in my childhood did..

I gave up my best friend this past week... friends for 27 years because I am TIRED of being told ED's do not exist... ADHD does not exist.. depression does not EXIST...

she believes that... Yazza... can we say?????

so yepper.. I guess this is a rant.. and a rave..

better I put it here... than do a b/p...

yet... I feel so very alone... so very bad.. so very horrible... so very mis-understood by everyone ... and so very unloved.. and so very unloveable..

For the world out there... ED's are complex... everyone has their.. own reasons for why theirs exisits... people with ED's.. have other DX's that make recovery difficult, people with ED's have various fiancial means.. so insurance for help some not at all, some have family and friends to live for.. some do not... some bodies.. are very damaged.. and recovery is hampered...

the world cannot "lump" people together.. and just say "get well"..

my soul... is breaking...as is my heart...

my pain.. is unbearable..

(((((((((((Freewill)))))))))))))

Your strength shines through in your posts and support of others... you are a good person, and I'm glad you're not giving up.

I'm sorry my friend for your pain and suffering... you don't deserve it, any of it.

Freewill,
I so greatly admire your determination of not giving up. That is not something that I am able to have, and I am so glad that you keep fighting. Good things can happen if you just believe that they can. Even if they're little, things can get better.

((((((((((((Free))))))))))))))
kiya

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freewill said:

better I put it here... than do a b/p...



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Bravo, freewill!!! Sending many, many
You are wanted and loved here

(((((freewill)))))

your very much loved here you have said a lot of things that have helped me in the past & others im sure as well just hang in there I know its hard but you can do it im sorry to hear about your best frind but with friends like that how needs enemy's I have no one in my life I can talk to about my ED because they jst dont know how to handle it so I just dont talk to them about it I hope that you feel you can talk to people on here when ever you are felling bad

Take care

I get it. The pain, the loneliness, the multiple diagnoses. I am new here so I didn't quite get all of your abbreviations but I admire your will and determination. I have a sister who is the same as your friend but I can't get rid of her. Don't give up. There is help out there. You have to search for it. I spent the past week online searching for support groups in my area and they exist. Some are expensive but I also found some that were FREE! So google and google and google until you find something. And keep posting because obviously there are alot of caring people here.