Wanted to cancel the appointment

The appointment with my GP was loming closer & closer. If I cancelled, I wouldn't have to deal with my loss of weight, & nobody would know any different. Guess there was a part of me that wanted to know how my new GP was going to handle this weight loss, but part of me didn't want to know. So I went ahead & went to the appointment....maybe he wouldn't remember last month or the phone conversation we had about the blood test results (they were ok anyway) & the weight loss..

I went in & the nurse asked me if I wanted to be weighed. Said I would skip it this time. In the room, she asked me what the visit was for, & let her know it was just a recheck. Waited for awhile with some anxiety growing. My Dr came in & asked me if I had been weighed on the way in. Said no,sir. Then he asked me if I had been losing weight this month. I could have lied, since they didn't weigh me...but said yes,sir. He said that he remembered I said something about having this problem before but said he didn't want to take me back to that time, so we need to handle it now. He said he remembered the phone conversation even if I thought he didn't, he said he really does listen. (Dang, thought it would have been mixed up with his other patient information) Then he asked me how I got through it last time. Truthfull, I couldn't tell him cause I really don't know except that my migraines had become so bad that all I could do was lay in bed between puking. It wasn't anything I did myself or consciously put any thought into (otherwise, I wouldn't have changed).

He strongly suggested taking vitamines in order for my nutritional level not to get messed up. Then he asked me if I had a pdoc &/or psychologist because he thought I did. Then he asked what they had to say about the problem. I told him that we hadn't talked much about it this time except that my Pdoc wanted to put me on Zyprexa because the side effect is weight gain. Also said I had only talked to my psychologist about it over the phone for a few minutes (didn't tell him I got a 1/2 hr lecture about it). He gave a frown at the idea of Zyprexa, saying he thought that was too severe way of treating it & that it should be saved as a last resort especially with my bad reactions to meds. Thought therapy would be better along with taking vitamines to make sure I stay healthy. I actually like the way he thinks sort of. That is until he wanted me to come back next month or call him if it gets worse. Now that is something that can be definitely left up to interpretation. Does he mean to call him if I lose more than 2 lbs / week, or do I call if I start feeling dizzy, or do I call if I lose any more weight? I will take the choice so I don't have to call. I know I will probably NOT lose more than 2 lbs/week, but can't guarantee anything else. He told me if I lose anymore weight I would have to have blood tests taken again to make sure I was ok. He did point out that the blood tests came back fine with only a concern about how high the glucose level was, but said that with the weight loss, that would go away.

He then insisted on my getting weighed since he needs to keep track of it. Well, just in case, I word real heavy shoes...that would add a couple of lbs since I didn't have pockets to stick rocks into. Just my luck, when I got to the scales, he suggested that I take my shoes off because they weigh too much...crap...didn't get away with that either & didn't have any pockets to put rocks into...past tricks come back to haunt me.

He wasn't happy about the amount I lost but said he would see me next month or sooner if it gets worse, & to start dealing with the problem with my therapy & he will take care of my physical side of it.

Back to the drawing board again...who knows what the future holds?
Debbie

I have had two doctors appointments this week -- gyn and pdoc -- and both brought up my weight. The gyn was very gentle, and I think just assumed that it was being treated in therapy or with the pdoc. I was pretty up front: "I have a history of anorexia, and was triggered into a relapse this spring." He asked if I had a pdoc, I said yes -- I'd already told him I was taking an AD -- and then the dime dropped: the pdoc is the one who referred me to him in the first place!

It's hard, and there's no way to make it any easier. Yesterday, at the pdoc's, I nearly cried when we were talking about it. I don't know why I do this, and I know how CRAZY it is, but I can't seem to get over it. I called my therapist today, because I know that I need to do something about this, but missed her return call. I've got hair growing all over my face now, and can't go to the beach for fear of having sand kicked in my face, and don't even like the way I look in the mirror -- too thin -- but I still agonize over every bite I put in my mouth, and think in terms of trades -- I made doughnuts today, and find myself thinking I'll eat one doughnut (tiny doughnuts, really beignets) instead of, say, croutons on my salad -- and I still can't give myself permission to eat.

Anyway, I'm getting off on my own stuff, but I just wanted to say it's hard, I'm here along with you, and I don't have the answer. I do know, though -- from experience -- that you DO NOT want your first dizzy spell to happen on a horse. G'head -- ask me how I know that? You NEED to work on this, for their sake, and that means that -- difficult as it is -- you MUST talk to your therapist about it. You MUST allow your treatment team to help you.

I know you know all that. I'm sorry to repeat what must be old news to you. You have my best wishes.

I had my weekly appt with my psychologist. The eating thing was all we talked about when he found out how much I actually lost. Unfortunately, he ended up telling me almost the exact words I have been telling myself (geez, maybe I should become a psychologist...I have all the key words down perfectly). Actually he tries very hard to get through to me with logic which is where I come from. When that didn't work, emotional thinking was tried. I also had told myself those words too.

I ended up talking about my past since he wasn't my psychologist the last time, so he isn't familiar with what I went through. Of course, we went there too, I really don't want to end up like that again. Alot of questions, no answers.

The session continues to play in my mind, I some thoughts have come up as to the feeling that I need to make some major changes in my living situation. In thinking about that, I wonder if I will only be changing one stress for another, but know I can't continue like it is. There are no guarantees that even with a change, I will not continue having stress that will feed the eating problem.

So many thoughts, no solutions

Get back here and post, girl.

People here need you and you need them. And I need you to be here. em

Today was my monthly pdoc appointment. I knew that my GP wanted me to discuss my weight loss with him, but when it came time for the appointment, there were several more important issues that came up, & I guess it was my way of avoiding the discussion at least for the time being. Having so many other problems beginning with anxiety, lack of sleep, extreme energy (how does that go with the previous two?), anger, frustration, etc. I have come up with an idea for coping & we talked it over. It was kind of interesting because he wondered the same thing I did which was if I was only going to exchange one stress for another. He suggested that I try the situation for a while or possibly wait for a while. Unfortunately the longer I wait, the worse off I am financially...way not good. Don't want to be homeless before I can get through school & get a job. He asked me if I was taking any of my meds, knowing that I haven't taken any for almost 6 months. He was so surprised that I have come so far without the aid of meds (which I found only got in my way). I have never seen him write so much in my chart in such a small amount of time...would love to be a dot on the paper & read what he had to say. He asked me if I had discussed this with my husband, which I had. He said to definitely continue on with my psychologist after this.

He is in a difficult situation, because my husband also goes to him. Usually we talk to him together until today, & it proved how professional he is when he never said anything about our conversation to my husband. Yes I avoided the weight subject this time, but some guilt came to me after arriving home, & I ended up leaving a message for him telling him he could call me regarding my weight loss because my GP feels that is is becoming a problem. I figure if he wants to talk to me about it, he will call...since I won't take meds for it, he may feel that it is unnecessary to call...will see.

My Pdoc called back asking about my weight loss. I let him know how my GP felt about using a psychotropic drug considering my terrible reactions to meds. My Pdoc came up the idea of using Periactin. He said it is an anahistimine that can cause weight gain but knowing my situation, he really wanted to use the Zyprexa to calm the stress & cause weight gain at the same time. He feels that I am probably snowballing between losing weight, stress, losing more weight, more stress.......... He only wants me to be on it for short term. I still have the problem of that I really don't want to GAIN weight. He wanted me to talk with my GP before starting on a med since he wasn't happy about my taking the Zyprexa. He also told me to give my GP his name & phone # so he could talk to him about what is going on. (Geeze, think they are wanting to gang up on me even though I know it is probably for my best interest) There are actually so many things involved with my weight loss & I am so anti meds that I feel nothing will actually help (but then when you approach it with a negative attitude nothing usually work anyway...at least that is what I have observed in the past). I have usually been labled as uncooperative...guess that lable continues.