Stop telling me this!!!!!

Hehe, that sounded just nuts yesterday. My mind was jummbled but I got such a restful sleep last night. I must have fallen asleep almost immediatley, then slept in without any memories of night terrors. Felt and feels great. My kids were so cute as when I woke up I noticed that they closed my bedroom door. I came down and asked who closed it. They smiled and said they did not want to wake me. I thanked them for doing this. And they were just "vegging" out, watching cartoons. Sweet darlings.

So I went to the doctors. My potassium is extremely low. Actually, at its all time low. My hemoglobin is very high (dehydration). So we talked and he was very gentle and understanding today. He spoke with a serious tone yet wanted me to sit and just talk. He wanted to hear whats going on in my mind. I did clam up a bit so he asked me to go home and write it down, bring it back for him to read. He said he would be happy to do this. And then he asked if he could call my t on Monday to see what they can come up with. He aknowledged that he see's me trying but medically my heart is at risk. So on Monday he is going to call. I will take in what he wanted me to as he knows it is easier for me to write then express my thoughts in speaking face to face. But my kidneys are okay. So my fear with that was just an over-reaction to thinking the worst. Which I know many people do at times. Not saying that the potassium is nothing to worry about as it is serious, but can be fixed.

So my kids asked if I felt they are old enough to go to the movies alone today. I smiled and said yes they could. We dropped them off, and sat and watched them; lolol. Just wanted to make sure they got in okay with purchasing tickets and all. And I found out how many minutes the running time of the movie was so I can be there like 10mintues earlier. lol. Okay, I am protective but there are creepy people out there. So off they went. They felt special to go alone. As much as they can fight, they adore each other and would be lost without the friendship they have. They have so much to give, so much love.

Justy

(((justy))) just wanted you to know I 've read the thread. BTW when I take in too much salt (less than the average person but-) it takes the potassium out of me with it... and I begin passing out.

Yes, many things can mess with any levels in your body.

What he is worried about is it dropping more and being at risk for heart problems. As I have had before.

But like I said, can be fixed easily. He mentioned IV treatments but not yet. First he is talking to my t and see what I can take in for fluids this weekend. Then he also said meds for low potassium can be used as well. So we shall see what Monday brings.

Justy

Thanks for not stopping!!!! As much as I, at times, did not want to hear it: I am glad nobody here gave up.

So I take it back!! LOLOL. You have never stopped, and neither have I.

Justy

hey, i can't and won't tell you what to do...but you're an incredible spirit and you brought me tremendous comfort when i needed it alot. i would hate to lose you when i've just found you. do whatever you need to do...just stay - you're wonderful and the way that you are able to give so eloquently to others, despite your own pain, tells me that deep down you want to live too. i promise no attempts to control you....but the love is freely offered and you've meant alot to me in my time of need. grace

I'm actaully a little curious about your food experiment. Hope you are doing well today! Hugs!!!

McDonald: that was so very touching, brought many tears to hear this.

I am so glad to know that I have brought you this comfort. And I am grateful for you expressing this. And I would never want to lose any of you either as without you all, I would be lost.

Justy

I dont understand exactly. Are you doing this to have control over something, that you feel is now controling you?
I mean, do you feel you are backed into a corner?

Colors

Ya I suppose so. I mean its worked for me to feel some power in my life, knowing that it is killing me and everyone around me.

Yet is has become in control and I just don't know how to stop. And I am so afraid of whats to come that I pull back so much.

Justy

Justy, what ever it takes we will be with you ever step of the way, what is this food experiment and how can we help
Angie

We have discussed many "experiments" with food. The first one was with using a raisin. Yep, a raisin. He wanted me to take a raisin, feel it, roll it around it my hand etc. He wanted me to focus on what it felt like while I was "feeling it". Then place this is my mouth. Do the same thing with the raisin. Noticing the texture, taste etc.

So anyway, I got to the putting in the mouth, and gagged. We kind of giggled as he realized that this probably was not the best idea. So he gave me some other ideas to try and keep in food (with the doc getting upset). He wanted me to try something small and not to purge it or take any laxatives after. So he wanted me to focus on something else after I had eaten. One idea was instead of harming my body in the ways I have been or cutting: take an ice cube and hold it in my hand. In some ways it would be uncomfortable in the sense of as it gets colder, it would sting somewhat: maybe replacing the want for self harm. But he wanted me to focus on the ice cube. Think about what it feels like, watching the water melt in my hand, etc. So this was good but then I wanted to eat the ice cubes; lolol, I was so darn thirsty. But I sent myself into a mess cause I ate so many, my body must have been in shock. I ended up with a wicked tummy ache.

But the idea is there. It may not work the first, second, or third time...just to keep trying. He also wanted me to try counting backwards by 3's. Or focus on breathing etc. So I have managed to eat a few small things and keep it down. But odd as I find that I have become upset and binged. And thats not what I normally do. Then the purging etc. But thinking about the ice, why not an ice pack? I am not going to eat those; lolol. ewwwwww.

I have a sheet of suggestions, just have not tried them all. But I can let u know these as I do think they can be helpful. I do like the ice idea. I think many here would find it a good tool for different reasons. With the ED, or with SI. Not sure, but if u try let us know how it works out.

Anyway, I have not been on as I have had a nasty couple of days. Been really ill and in bed quite a lot. And my son had a bad day today...but is working on it. Then weird night as well. Long story, but someone tried to break in the house. We are taking puppy tomorrow but I have to say: thank goodness for him tonight. He freaked out, and who ever was at the door, took off. Shook my daughter up though. I just got her to sleep. My bf was at work when this started happening. I called him and he was home within 5 mins. This mess is starting up again. We were having these things happen a while back: it stopped, now started again. Freaky!!

Anyway, I thought I should come in and say I am still home. My doctor has closed his door; which I can't say I blame him. Not sure about whats to happen. My doctor had talked to my t and was upset about everything. That was last week and have not heard anything since. He said he would call, but didn't. I did see his frustration, so I am assuming the poor guy has had it.

Justy

Heu justy, since you like the ice cube, how about putting juice or kool-aid in the ice cube tray, then try it you''ll get the ice and flavor all in one ??
Angie

Ya, that is a good idea. Thanks Angie,

Justy