What to do after you lost everything due to your Bipolar actions.

April 2008 I walked out on my business & my marriage. I have lost my career, my relationship, and financially become devastated by my manic actions. I have tried to work two times since 2008 with different jobs and had blow outs in both due to the stress de-railing my mental health. I just started receiving SSI. Will I just have a sub-standard life of no job, no relationship, & just no real place to live on my own? I am 49 years old and can't seem to develop a recovery plan plan for my career or my life. I am wondering what others have done to recover from devastating destruction that Bipolar may have caused their life? Stress seems to be my biggest villain that holds me back. I hate answering the questions: how are you & what do you do for a living? I feel like a big waste of space and a 49 year loser who can't get together! I'm scared to be happy because that just might mean mania is around the corner! Does anyone else feel like this?
Thanks for your input.

Hello EJB5565,

Well, I can certainly see the way you are beating yourself up, which is the depression side of it. Yes I have recently walked out of a good job due to bullying in the workplace and the stress that went with that. Have you had therapy or are you in therapy? Stress is the biggest thing to learn to cope with. For my depression I came up with a toolbox of coping strategies for those times when the darkness descends. I don't get the happiness part but you might like to see what they say in the Bipolar forum.

And here is a really good article on coping with Bipolar >>>> Bipolar Disorder, Coping with Bipolar and Manic Depression

The effects can be devastating but they do not have to last. It is possible to turn things around. You have survived thus far, it can only get better from here.

In a similar situation once, I first started with therapy and medication, which is not the choice for everyone but they were the steps that helped me get back on my feet to make sounder decisions and to be more stable. It also helped me to figure out what I wanted to be doing with my personal goals, careerwise, and get on track with family and friends as had alienated most everyone.

The most important thing that struck a chord with me during this initial period and throughout was that I needed to be the change I wanted to see in my life, to find what I am looking for that is right for me letting go of others' expectations, and know no matter what if I do this, it will happen. Do nothing, expect nothing, because it will all stay the same.

I wish you all the best as you find not only what helps but what works best for you as you move forward. Take good care of you in the process, seek those (providers, treatment, support networks) that will help as they are out there, and know no matter what happens, you do have the courage and strength to do it. You have already shown how much have by coming this far, draw on it and use the time to regroup to take care of you.

Dear EJB5565: Sending you some love and support - I know where you are coming from.

I'm also in my 40's, and bipolar and PTSD have seriously derailed my life and goals. I lost several friendships I had enjoyed for over 20 years, alienated family, nuked my relationship, and royally screwed up my (previously!) stellar work history because of mental illness.

When I look back over my life up to this point, it does make me regretful - when I'm in the throes of mania or depths of depression, or when PTSD comes a'knockin', I can really make a mess of my life.

I've had to re-assess everything, remind myself to forgive myself, and develop new plans. Working with a therapist and religiously taking my medications have helped me get back onto the road, albeit in a new direction. I don't think anyone can reach our age and not have some regrets; it seems true that life never turns out exactly as we plan. I'm trying to re-frame the more damaging things I've done into what I can learn from them, and how I can prevent similar from happening in the future. Sorry for the platitudes and cliches, but I find some of them to have real value for me.

I know what you mean, suspecting happiness (is this the start of mania?), and I also hate the questions that seem to want to rank me according to expected achievements met by x-age. Dealing with things that I feel I should have resolved by now: a good career, relationship, stability. I believe they will come to me again, and work with this hope in mind.

Take care, and hoping you find comfort here.
Regards - Bolivar