[Pink loyalty]

Is it "normal" or even ethical for a psychologist to refuse to treat a patient if he/she won't make a firm commitment to get a divorce? I thought therapists could provide the skills to help people sort through the stay vs go pros and cons. And from what I have read, therapists should at least find a couple of referrals for the patient if they refuse to treat. Not for me...just the ultimatum, my reiteration that divorce is not on the current list of options for my situation and then the boot right out the door.
The outright ultimatum pushed me into an anxiety attack that is still affecting me many days later. What does that psychologist know that I don't know? And why would it be presented as an ultimatum rather than an explanation? Or better yet a diagnosis? Or do psychologists avoid making statements about diagnosis?

Not sure how normal it is, but I suspect it happens.

I did have a therapist lay down the requirement that I sever ties with my abuser. That was actually one of the best things anyone ever did for me. It wasn't easy. It meant laying down some firm boundaries with my family, but it really was the right thing to do as staying exposed to his abuse kept me in continually poor condition and risk. I didn't keep seeing that therapist for a variety of reason (this wasn't one of them), but he pushed me to make a proactive decision that in the end was best for me.

That does NOT mean I am saying your therapist is right. Just relaying my story. I hadn't thought about it in quite awhile.

[pegasus]

Hello Pink loyalty, welcome to Psych Central!

Well, as far as I know, it is not the therapist's job to tell or force you to do something. No one can force you into anything. The only time you can be forced would be for example - going into hospital, because you were a danger to yourself or others. Or if your mental health had got to a point where you did not have the capacity to make a decision. As you have said, the therapist's role is to support you and provide psychological treatment for your mental health concerns.

Sounds like you are better off without this therapist, I hope you find one that actually helps you.

[imtrying]

It sounds like your therapist is being honest with you. He believes your marriage is contributing to your condition and can't help you if you remain in the relationship. If there is no obvious reason that divorce would be in your best interests, I suggest you ask him or his supervisor (if he has one) flat out "Why?."

I had a therapist decline marriage counseling after meeting my then husband. The therapist told me that my husband had a type of personality disorder that rarely responded to therapy and he had never successfully treated anyone with it. He gave me options and offered referrals. I decided to see him solo. I saw him on and off for years and he was a wonderful therapist.

Good luck.

[healingme4me]

Without knowing all the details, hard to say why it was required, to be seen.
It was a psychiatrist not psychologist that gave me, my own diagnosis. How long were you with your psychologist?
Sorry to read, you had such a negative experience. And that your anxiety shot up, due to the rejection of treatment.
Too bad, you didn't get a referral. How'd you find, this one?

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[healingme4me]

Thought of one possibility. Had a psychologist state he couldn't see my son's, the ones with neurological illnesses, without verbal or written consent by my ex husband, because of 'Shared' legal custody, and could lead to back peddling of progression of treatment.
So, thought is, perhaps, due to finding out about treatment due to insurance statements, treatment of you could be hindered by your husband, if he's not on board? It's really, their right as treatment providers to not find themselves wasting their time or yours.

That's about all I can conclude at the moment.

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[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I agree with Pagasus. It sounds inappropriate, to me, although I don't have the full story.

[imtrying]

[QUOTE=healingme4me;3771470]Thought of one possibility. Had a psychologist state he couldn't see my son's, the ones with neurological illnesses, without verbal or written consent by my ex husband, because of 'Shared' legal custody, and could lead to back peddling of progression of treatment.
/QUOTE]

Separation or divorce could result in joint custody and the situation remains unchanged. I believe the mother needs sole legal and physical custody of the child to manage the child's illness without input from the father. There has to be a good reason for the judge to award sole custody. Perhaps the therapist is convinced it's warranted. If not, the therapist owes his patient an explanation.

[healingme4me]

[QUOTE=imtrying;3779129]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Thought of one possibility. Had a psychologist state he couldn't see my son's, the ones with neurological illnesses, without verbal or written consent by my ex husband, because of 'Shared' legal custody, and could lead to back peddling of progression of treatment.
/QUOTE]

Separation or divorce could result in joint custody and the situation remains unchanged. I believe the mother needs sole legal and physical custody of the child to manage the child's illness without input from the father. There has to be a good reason for the judge to award sole custody. Perhaps the therapist is convinced it's warranted. If not, the therapist owes his patient an explanation.

I didn't mean to imply, it involves the OP, as far as my example went. I must have misstated, as i was using myself and my children as one reason,to point out how shared health insurance, could result in his hindering her progress, if discovered, as a small possibility.

Because honest, can't see why there'd be ultimatums about divorce and treatment.

But thanks, full custody is in the court request I have on the docket.

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[imtrying]

Yikes! I assumed the pros and cons had been discussed many, many times because the scenario you just described was unimaginable to me. I question the therapist's competency and fear for the well being and safety of the people in his/her care. The therapist has put you in the position of needing a therapist to get past this horrendous incident and to review every assessment made for accuracy before creating a correct course of treatment. Many people begin therapy to help them decide whether or not to make a major life change and to have professional support in dealing with the decision. My therapist didn't tell me to get a divorce. He said married or divorced I needed to learn how to manage the family dynamics because we had young children. Eventually we did divorce and the same therapist helped me control my anxiety and manage the triggers that would have made for a messy divorce. I would not be surprised to learn that this therapist is well known to the ethics board. You sound like a strong person who is determined to do what is best for her family. It doesn't sounds like you are going to let this terrible experience deter you from getting the help needed. I wish you the best of luck and every possible happiness.

As long as it isn't an illegal request a therapist has the right to tell a client what s/he (the therapist) will and will not work with. If the therapist tells yous/he can no longer work with you, s/he should refer you to another therapist, not just drop you cold.

Originally Posted by imtrying

It sounds like your therapist is being honest with you. He believes your marriage is contributing to your condition and can't help you if you remain in the relationship. If there is no obvious reason that divorce would be in your best interests, I suggest you ask him or his supervisor (if he has one) flat out "Why?."

I had a therapist decline marriage counseling after meeting my then husband. The therapist told me that my husband had a type of personality disorder that rarely responded to therapy and he had never successfully treated anyone with it. He gave me options and offered referrals. I decided to see him solo. I saw him on and off for years and he was a wonderful therapist.

Good luck.

Yes^^^^^^

[shortandcute]

I think that maybe your partner may be abusive or contributing to the situation. Of course, I don't know. I have heard of professionals suggesting that certain clients get out of a situation because all the therapy in the world wouldn't help if they stayed in a bad relationship.

[nicoleflynn]

Therapists are never supposed to TELL you what to do. THey are supposed to give you tools to help you make good decisions.

[ChipperMonkey]

Nope, I see nothing wrong with it. A therapists job is to get you to a point where you don't need therapy, and if the therapist sees that you are not doing your part in your life to get out of a bad or abusive situation that is significantly contributing to your need for therapy, then I think that it may be a waste of time for not only you but also the therapist to agree to move forward with therapy.

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

Therapists are never supposed to TELL you what to do. THey are supposed to give you tools to help you make good decisions.

No, therapists should never tell you what to do, but they can tell you what their own boundary is.