[Steiner of Thule]

I am so tired of my emotions. They feel incredibly chaotic and I have no control over them. Nothing can be happening and I can feel myself cycle through different emotions all the time. I don't really show them (much) because I am a rather quiet person but right now I am incredibly pissed off. I feel unstable. I wish I could keep a constant emotional state and only have it change when something actually happens. I was laughing/happy literally 10 minutes ago and now I am pissed off for no reason.

I don't even know anymore. I'm tired of just being me. Everything is pissing me off. Things that shouldn't piss me off are pissing me off. I feel like I have a lot pent up rage that I don't let out. I just feel it swirl around inside. Trying to let it out in a positive manner doesn't work. I'll exercise. I'll punch stuff. It never stops the rage. I am angry at my situation. At myself. I also feel like everyone is against me so I sort of hate everyone.

Just being alive is an unending fuel-source for rage.

I was talking to someone and they recommended I make a thread about it. This rage is giving me nightmares and affecting my sleep I think. Giving me very violent dreams that wake me up shortly after falling asleep. I hurt others in my nightmares usually.

I feel guilt. I feel shame. I constantly remind myself of all my past failures and feel guilty/shameful about them.

Thinking of my future pisses me off the most. I feel incredibly pissed off about it. I just want to destroy everything.

Of course I will just continue to fake a smile and continue being a "nice person."

I am so angry. I feel like I get this angry every day and nothing triggers it except being awake. I can't even count backwards from 10 I am so pissed.

People will be wondering if I have been playing violent video games. Watching anything violent.

No I haven't been playing anything violent and I've been trying to keep my mind of anything violent by watching comedies. I don't even like action movies that much. All I have been doing is support forums for the past 2 weeks and I feel like utter ****. Enraged at myself.

Reaching the end of this post I feel like I have calmed down again. Cycling emotions like I said.

[pegasus]

Hello SteinerofThule,

I noticed on your profile page and on your sanity score that you have a few mental health issues. It's no wonder you feel angry at times when you are trying to cope with anxiety and PTSD amongst other issues.

Your sanity score quote -

General Coping 100
Life Events 38
Depression 81
Anxiety 86
Phobias 92
Self-Esteem 75
Eating Disorders 60
Schizophrenia 70
Dissociation 83
Mania 75
Sexual Issues 38
Relationship Issues 25
Alcohol 0
Drugs 0
Physical Issues 0
Smoking Issues 0
Gambling Issues 0
Technology Issues 63
Obsessions/Compulsions 94
Posttraumatic Stress 92
Borderline Traits 88

So above we can see that you are trying to cope with all these issues. If you saw these scores for someone else I think you would feel compassion and understanding for them. This is what you need to do for yourself. Be gentle with you and try not to turn that anger inwards.

Your sig pic above is very fitting as it shows that if you keep that anger bottled up, at some point the bottle explodes when you eventually try to open it. So the best way to cope with anger, is not to deny it but let it out in short bursts. Punch a pillow, throw a wet rag, exercise, paint or draw, write out your frustrations and then burn it (quite liberating actually) and talk about it. The guilt and shame you feel belongs to somebody else, can you recognise what triggers those feelings. It is ok to feel angry, in fact it is a healthy emotion to have otherwise anxiety and depression can take over. They say that depression is grief and anger locked up.

I see that you are in therapy, please let your T know how you are feeling and let your psychiatrist know as it may be that you need an adjustment to the medication. Sending you a hug >>>>

[Steiner of Thule]

I'm actually not on any medication or seeing anyone. I felt like I should though. It's hard not to hate myself when I am the one that ruins everything for myself. The 100 coping score makes sense because I really can't cope at all. Everything just destroys me. The process of therapy and medication further annoys and humiliates me. I used to go to therapy and take medication but it didn't work out. Not like I tried a lot of meds. I am the reason no one likes me. I always manage to push people away. Everyone hates me. It's not paranoia. Everyone actually hates me. The ones who don't I somehow manage to find a way to shove a finger in their eye.

I have tried a lot of techniques to calm down. Writing. Watching something lighthearted. Drawing. Punching stuff. I have a boxing bag. Exercise. It may help for a bit but I feel like I have no control over what I am feeling. Sometimes the above techniques piss me off more or more commonly make me depressed because I just feel worthless

I feel so confused.

It sounded as if you calmed down a bit after writing the first post. So that's good.

Bottling up your emotions only makes you angrier until one day you explode and hurt yourself or someone you may care about. You should consider looking into finding another therapist. Maybe the one you had before wasn't the right one for you. It can be a process, but it's a step in the right direction and better than trying to cope with it yourself. Have you thought about looking into anger management? That might help. And one on one sessions may be better than group sessions.

[glok]

Hello, SteinerofThule. What you are doing is not working. If professional help is no longer an option, and the status quo is a free fall, what do you intend to do? Are you able to identify behaviors that need to be changed? Are you able to formulate a treatment plan with manageable goals to enhance achievement of the results you seek?

My thought, as others have stated, is to give professional help another go.

I wish you well.

[Restin]

I definitely believe in talk therapy, but the mobile, severe, and changing emotions sound like what I had, and Lithium helped very, very much to simmer things down inside.

[love psych]

I understand what you feel and what you are going through for I myself are going through with that. I don't know what to do either.

[Steiner of Thule]

Originally Posted by XantheoftheSun

It sounded as if you calmed down a bit after writing the first post. So that's good.

Bottling up your emotions only makes you angrier until one day you explode and hurt yourself or someone you may care about. You should consider looking into finding another therapist. Maybe the one you had before wasn't the right one for you. It can be a process, but it's a step in the right direction and better than trying to cope with it yourself. Have you thought about looking into anger management? That might help. And one on one sessions may be better than group sessions.

I've been writing out my stress for awhile now. It's the only thing I can do for myself.

I've exploded in the past and the only one that got hurt was me. The only reason I got hurt though I found was because I held back my rage.

Don't really have much problems with hiding my rage. I don't really show my anger at all. I just bottle it all up. Isn't that what anger management is about? Hiding your rage.

[Steiner of Thule]

Originally Posted by Restin

I definitely believe in talk therapy, but the mobile, severe, and changing emotions sound like what I had, and Lithium helped very, very much to simmer things down inside.

I heard my sister was using Lithium at one point.

Originally Posted by love psych

I understand what you feel and what you are going through for I myself are going through with that. I don't know what to do either.

Yeah it sucks.

Originally Posted by glok

Hello, SteinerofThule. What you are doing is not working. If professional help is no longer an option, and the status quo is a free fall, what do you intend to do? Are you able to identify behaviors that need to be changed? Are you able to formulate a treatment plan with manageable goals to enhance achievement of the results you seek?

My thought, as others have stated, is to give professional help another go.

I wish you well.

No I can't really identify anything. I've changed pretty much everything. Exercise. A proper diet. I think I know the root cause but I can't really change it. Or have failed and I just don't care anymore to bother at this point. The root cause being my social skills suck and nobody likes me. I hate myself because I am afraid of socializing. I try to overcome the fear I have had since childhood and fail or constantly reminded how much I suck and thus I feel shame that I can't seem to overcome it. Shame and self-hatred because of that shame.