[Steiner of Thule]

It's even harder when you're an imbecile like me. How exactly am I supposed to live if doing basic things seem hard. I went outside today. Not something I usually do and I can't really do it alone so...I got dragged out to do stuff with my parents-

I'm 21 so I just hope I get viewed as like a 14 year old or something. I look too old I think. I get ashamed going out with my parents but I think it's worse going out alone. I've gone out completely alone one time in my life.

Was terrible.

Would think a loner would be better going out alone. Not me. I'm terrible. Not sure how to explain that. I am agoraphobic I guess.

Am I just really lazy? I feel really lazy. Could say I am depressed. Or I am just really a lazy retard. I get tired doing anything. Everything feels hard. I can't get a cup of water without feeling stupid tired. Doing anything feels like a ton of work. I sleep a ton. I don't want to do anything.

It's hard being a retard. A lazy retard. I've always been like this.

I knock on my head and it sounds hollow.

[kaliope]

sounds like you may be depressed along with agoraphobia. are you seeing a professional? it could definitely help. you think it is bad being 21 and having to go out with your parents, try being in your late 40s and having to have your 20 year old daughter take you shopping because you cant go out alone. I think it is silly and ridiculous but I don't get down on myself about it because I know I have a mental health disorder that causes it. im actually very intelligent. a smart person that believes the air will turn me to ash if I walk out my front door. lol. I take meds and it really helps. I can shop now on my own, not often, but I can do it. so if you are getting help, seek another opinion cause it is not working and if you aren't have your parents set up an evaluation for you. it will help. really, it will. take care.

[Steiner of Thule]

Originally Posted by kaliope

sounds like you may be depressed along with agoraphobia. are you seeing a professional? it could definitely help. you think it is bad being 21 and having to go out with your parents, try being in your late 40s and having to have your 20 year old daughter take you shopping because you cant go out alone. I think it is silly and ridiculous but I don't get down on myself about it because I know I have a mental health disorder that causes it. im actually very intelligent. a smart person that believes the air will turn me to ash if I walk out my front door. lol. I take meds and it really helps. I can shop now on my own, not often, but I can do it. so if you are getting help, seek another opinion cause it is not working and if you aren't have your parents set up an evaluation for you. it will help. really, it will. take care.

I'm not seeing anyone. I don't really believe I am smart. I am slow to picking things up. Always have been. I think I am bipolar because I have moments where I don't feel anxiety at all and other times where I am terrified and want to pass out. I have been trying to get some help for the last 7 months. I can't even communicate with my parents really. I have to talk to them about it through email.

I've tried meds. I've tried some therapy too. It just makes me feel like ****.

What do you mean by an evaluation?

I don't know if I should be comparing my situation with yours but I feel like I am in a bad situation. People expect me to be out trying to make something of my life right now. Yet I am doing nothing. I've already got a giant gap of nothingness so it makes it that much harder to get a job or anything. Not like I am actually trying to find work. I wouldn't be able to do it anyway.My IQ drops to single digits when I am trying to communicate with people I don't know very well. AKA the only ones I seem to know very well are my parents. It takes a lot to get me comfortable with someone and I feel like everyone is trying to stab me in the back.

[pegasus]

Hello SteinerofThule,

It sounds very much like you have anxiety and depression. You are very down on yourself and this would make you tired and lack motivation. Anxiety is fear and it will mask all other emotions. Anxiety and depression like to hold hands so it is difficult as the two rub off each other. So it looks like you have some mental health issues which are making you feel really awful. Please go back to your doctor, get some medication and restart therapy with a therapist that you trust. You can do this!

[glok]

Hello, SteinerofThule.

Anxiety, Panic and Phobia Center - Psych Central
Anxiety Definition - Diseases and Conditions - Mayo Clinic
Depression (major depression) Definition - Diseases and Conditions - Mayo Clinic
Depression Symptoms, Information and Treatment - Psych Central
Psychotherapy - Psych Central
http://www.wellsphere.com/mental-hea...therapy/782440

I wish you well.

[nushi]

SteinerofThule, your words reflect a lot of depression & frustration, but you don't seem stupid to me, 'cause you express yourself & write very well. I think you have very low confidence in yourself because of the depression you've got...

21 is really young, you've got your whole life still ahead of you. And your parents will not always be there for you, try to take it one step at a time to start being independent, & I agree with the others that the first step is to seek help with a psychotherapist.

I know it's very easy to give up to darkness & depression, as I always fall into this myself. But I try to finish what I got ahead of me (work & study), ignoring my bad feelings, & I imagine myself being like a robot that finishes its task without any feelings of hope or self-esteem...etc. And eventually after a few days, or even weeks, something good shows up & I get feeling good again

[PoorPrincess]

How awful for you.

First, have you recently seen your primary physician? Please do. Be honest with him/her.
Have you had a thorough physical exam with blood tests in this year? Sounds like a first order of business to schedule and follow through. Your physical health is important to ascertain.

Your doctor can refer you for further mental/emotional evaluation with specialists. Perhaps the right combination of meds and therapy is still worth another go, vs continuing to live such a limited existence as you describe.

I hope that you will seek help, Steiner of Thule.

[Steiner of Thule]

I haven't been to a doctor and I am not really sure how to. I am not really smart. Basic things are hard for me. It's like a 3 year old in an adult body. I got a blood test for something last year but I don't think they noticed anything? Not sure what they took my blood for. It was like a free thing or something but they told me to leave cause they couldn't help me and that I was on my own basically.

[Steiner of Thule]

Going to a counselor next Friday. Will see how that goes.