[Sinking Feeling]

Not sure how to explain this but I will try. It seems there levels or states of awareness I can fall in. Delusional, baseline, and WTF?

Some times I actually think I see myself more clearly and I do not like what I see and it makes me feel really sad and ashamed of who I am. This better awareness of myself, could just be delusional? It causes me to put myself down, call myself names, feel ugly and stupid and I get really bad anxiety and depression. If that is the real me, I don't want any part of that or me.

Any of this make sense to anyone?

[Travelinglady]

Hi, Sinking Feeling! I think many of us vary a bit on how we feel about ourselves and on insight into our behaviors. It's possible we might sometimes get irrational in our personal judgments. But also putting ourselves down and such negative self-viewing could be a sign of depression itself. I am hesistant to say we are ever "delusional" in this way.

You might want to check out this forum: http://forums.psychcentral.com/steps...r-self-esteem/.

[QuasiM0d0]

Originally Posted by Sinking Feeling

Not sure how to explain this but I will try. It seems there levels or states of awareness I can fall in. Delusional, baseline, and WTF?

Some times I actually think I see myself more clearly and I do not like what I see and it makes me feel really sad and ashamed of who I am. This better awareness of myself, could just be delusional? It causes me to put myself down, call myself names, feel ugly and stupid and I get really bad anxiety and depression. If that is the real me, I don't want any part of that or me.

Any of this make sense to anyone?

You really need to ask this question to a professional if you have not already seen one.

Just hang in there.

Kind Regards,
QuasiM0D0

[Sinking Feeling]

If I can remember to talk about this issue I will. The problem is I have so many issues and go thru so many cycles, by the next time I see my pdoc or T I'm all about some thing else. Thank you all for the input!

[pegasus]

Negative self-talk and putting our selves down is a symptom of depression. Also, anxiety and depression like to hold hands. I would talk to your therapist about finding ways to cope with the negative feelings and depression feeds us these lies, they aren't true.

[Sinking Feeling]

I will try to explain better. I often wonder what is delusional and what is real. I think I prefer delusional over real. When I get really stable and balanced, I feel normal and see myself as I really am, and I don't like what I see. The problem is I don't like myself. But if I avoid the reality and live in my delusional states, I'm always some one better. Or at least that's what I think any way. The reality is more scary then the delusions.

But I also get to another point of reality that scares me. The uncertainty. I am afraid of living and I am also afraid of dying. I'm not sure which I am more afraid of. I guess it depends on the moment. And what frightens me is the uncertainty in both life and death.

Some times I just want to avoid all of that reality. I would not mind being in a constant dream state never waking up. I only get like this occasionally, the the strange thing about it is it always seems to be when I get closer to reality.

[SmileHere]

I can relate somewhat, in that I preferred my 'delusional' state, and dreams and sleeping...

From what you write it seems you might need to work on your self-esteem. My therapist had me write a list of my good characteristics (at least 10 or 15!) and a list of my accomplishments (again, 10 or 15). I still need to work on it, it's a continous effort.

You are all those good things too!! Remember!!

Everyone has good things and what could be improved, there's no 'perfect' people (or they would be very boring/annoying!!) We are colorful characters that make the world prettier & more interesting!!