[ashleyrose]

Hello All -

I have been a lurker for about a year now and finally got up the courage to post. I have had many, many issues over the years but for now I want to focus on one that I believe is causing everything else to happen... my anxiety.

First, some basics. I am 27-year-old female born and raised in Florida. My upbringing seemed normal until I got older and reflected back. Some points of interest include lying, stealing, hoarding, uncleanliness, alcoholism, parental absence, etc. between myself and other family members.

LONG story short, I have seen a handful of therapists for my issues. The issues include, but are not limited to: anxiety, depersonalization DP/DR, OCD, Pure O, depression, flight anxiety, family issues, etc.

One thing they have all told me is that since I went through some chaotic times in my life mostly from the age of 19- now, that I am constantly running at a higher speed (compared to an engine with higher RPM's than normal). This is why when I try to relax my brain starts going haywire. I can see this being the case because when I finally got with my boyfriend when I was 23, a lot of things hit me at once. I stopped partying and drinking as much (stuff I used to do because I was young AND trying to escape family drama), and all of the realizations of my life came flooding back to me.

Anyways, I'm not even sure if that makes sense. Basically, my brain is running all the time, and negatively at that. I obsess about death, and sadness, and worry constantly about the future. When panic attacks strike, this is all magnified and I become depersonalized. I have lost my job over this, and my self-confidence as well. I even began to question whether I had a soul, and other existential thoughts as well.

So this makes sense to me! My question is: is there a way to "relax" without the intrusive, negative thoughts flooding back into my head? My therapist said it would be a slow process, which is fine, but I still don't know WHAT to do. I will say that meditation and yoga are NOT working... they make me more anxious. I know some people say to push through and I've tried, I just don't know if it's for me. I feel there must be something else out there!

Thank you for your time - I appreciate any and all responses! I really do hope to reach out and help some of you guys as well with some of my insight, but tonight, I can only focus on myself at this point.

[sideblinded]

Hi ashleyrose

Thanks for the intro and welcome to PC!. I am glad that you decided to join. We have numerous forums to choose from and your first 5 posts will take a little while to appear as they are being moderated. The anxiety forum would be another place to post. I also have anxiety and I have found a few things that help me as I have trouble getting to sleep as that is when my anxiety seems to be the worst.

I read books on meditation like...Wherever You Go There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn. I am not sure if the meditation you are speaking of that does not work for you is the same thing.

Also I like to drink hot calming tea. I like to read daily devotionals or just get my mind into something that takes up my entire thinking like puzzles or games. Do you have anything that are great distractions?

Have you tried any medications?

I'm sorry that you lost your job and have had such a hard time. Keep coming back and share so others can be supportive and offer more ideas. The very thing that you say doesn't help you does help me but are we speaking about reading books on meditation or are you trying to just be quiet in your mind? I don't think I helped but maybe these are two different methods.

[Weownthesky]

Listening to music 24/7 really helped me a lot.

Hi, welcome I think you have acquired a very good insight that can be very helpful in your struggle. I think that puts you ahead of the game in comparison to most who are afflicted with severe anxiety disorders.

[pegasus]

Hello ashleyrose, welcome to Psych Central, I'm very glad you decided to post.

Anxiety is awful and can mask all other feelings. I do recommend therapy and medication but there are lots of things you can try to add to your coping toolbox.

• Breathing - sounds simple but actually takes a lot of patience and practice. Place your hand on your stomach and breathe in, count 1-2 and then breathe out 1-2, do this for at least 10 minutes. it will feel like an age but if you practice this twice a day, it can help. Do not give up on it.

• Mindfulness - Find a quiet place to sit, imagine that you are sitting in the middle of a storm, you are just observing it. Imagine the wind swirling around you, in the eye of the storm, imagine the debris flying around you but you are calm throughout. Gradually rein it back in, imagine the storm gradually dying down around you and the dust settling. This technique should take around 10 to 15 minutes.

• Safe place visualization - imagine the safest, nicest place possible, where you are completely safe. For me, this is sitting on top of a clifftop amongst the grass and butterflies. Choose your own special safe place.

• Distractions - Play cards, computer games, write, draw, play positive music (none that reminds you of the past.) I used to play scrabble on my own and see if I could beat myself!

• Sticky notes - place sticky notes in various places around the house that you visit often. On the sticky note write affirmations, that you are safe now, what the date is now, that you can get through this etc.

• Talk to a friend.

• Grounding techniques - Walk slowly and feel your feet touch the ground, touch objects around you, concentrate on objects such as plants, smell the flowers, tap the table with your hand.

These are just some ideas, pick those that work and put them in your tool box for when you feel you need.

[mountain human]

Wildmind Buddhist Meditation - Learn Meditation Online has excellent guided meditation for any level...meditation has helped my "monkey mind" immensely! Hang in there...

[~Christina]

If meditation and doing soothing things just aren't helping then do the opposite ...exercise , walk , run , do cardio, lift weights, dance around your living room with some music blasting.. It is a good way to burn off anxiety.

Good luck and Welcome to PC

[avlady]

Yoga sounds so relaxing, but i cant do it for more than a few minutes if no one is with me. Iv been thinking of going to the yoga classes in my area, they are cheap and i can make somenew friends.

[avlady]

Just another thing, i think you are getting braver by coming here to after checking it out

[ashleyrose]

Thank you all very much for the advice! It's funny - I feel I get most of my depression from being anxious. Especially when I realize how much anxiety has taken over my life. That is the main reason why I don't want medication for depression... because if I'm not anxious and holding back on life, I'm not depressed! Point being though, that things like meditation, reading, dancing, etc. all seem pointless when I'm in a depressed state. I feel numb, and like nothing will help (I know this is typical!) So! I will try and relax more often. Easier said than done! My therapist seems to be on to something, but he hasn't given me much insight concerning what to do yet.... He says I'm always anxious, even when I think I'm normal and happy.

I would do anything to sit on a porch with some iced tea in hand, look out at a field and feel completely at peace with myself, who I am, who I've become, all of the good things that have happened (and bad) and not feel like I've "wasted" time, or that I'm confused as to why I even exist... I want to feel peace again. Depersonalization and obsessing over existential thoughts is the worst part.

[Werewoman]

I have severe anxiety all the time and take propranolol and klonopin. I also have ADHD, though I can't stand taking stimulants because they take away my appetite and keep me from sleeping as well as making my anxiety worse (which I was amazed to discover was even possible! LOL).

My brain is always going 100 miles an hour and I guess for the most part I've learned to live with it. My thoughts, however, are not always so negative as yours are. I've tried classes on meditation and yoga, but I can't keep my mind from wandering long enough so I didn't find them particularly helpful for me, though I have seen them do wonders for others. I think it's my ADHD that makes them so difficult for me.

I also have to agree with Weownthesky. Music is very helpful. There's a Native American flautist named Carlos Nakia who has the most calming affect on me, though I will listen to just about any kind of music when I need to 'turn off my brain' for a while.

Good Luck and I hope your problem gets better. I think your T is on the right track.

WW