All time low with therapy :(

I'm 19 and I've been seeing a therapist for a few months. I was diagnosed with GAD. Anyways, lately I've been dreading my weekly appointments. Like the stress that comes with it, the fact that I'm so shy and quiet in the sessions, all these things get me so mad that i just want to quit all together. I honestly have no idea how to tell my therapist this without feeling that I offended her. She told me I could email her anytime with anything but i feel like it's so rude. She's amazing it has nothing to do with her at all. Sometimes though, I love going and I feel like it's helping a lot. I'm just lost. Like I had a session yesterday, and I was SO quiet and shy that I felt like a complete idiot and I'm sure she thought the same thing but I was just so tired of a rough week I didn't want to talk about it with her so I told her I'm fine and my week was okay.

What should I do?

Hi AnxiousGirl

You are far from the only person who would have ever felt this way.

When I feel certain things about my therapy / therapist sometimes I will admit I too have thought "I honestly have no idea how to tell my therapist this without feeling that I offended her."

And then I am reminded of the fact that my therapist is a trained professional.

My therapist separates her emotions from the therapy session.

And it is important for my own progress that I let my therapist know how I really feel.

Because my therapist will not be "personally" offended.

But my therapist can not help me unpack my feelings unless I am honest with her.

My suggestion would be before you suddenly stop therapy because of this reason and you think that you can not communicate the underlying reason to your therapist; please re assess this situation.

It is important that your therapist knows this.

Your therapist does not exist to be personally offended.

Your therapist is a trained professional.

Please let your therapist know about this at your next session.

Maybe you could start keeping a journal if you aren't already and on the days that you don't feel like talking maybe you could share something from you journal that happened during the week. I know with me by the time I get around to my session time I have forgotten what I wanted to talk about. You could also journal about how you feel about your therapy and share that. I think it would be more personal than an email. Or you could email her a journal entry.

Was your session, still full length, regardless of saying that you were fine and your week was ok?

How about jotting notes to bring in? Or printing out how you feel, such as this thread?

I can relate to discomfort about email. There's, to me, something about face to face sessions that can be beneficial. Bringing you out of your metamorphic shell.

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

You're definitely not alone.
I used to feel the same way.
Most times I would feel like I wasn't actually getting anywhere because I never knew how to say what I needed to.
It's a very frustrating feeling.

If you've had a rough week, maybe you should tell her. That's what she's there for, is to listen and try to help you work through things.
Also, it's neat that she invited you to email her. You ought to give it a try
Sometimes when it's hard to speak up, typing things can be a little easier.

If you think you might have come off as rude or standoffish:
1) She'll understand. I'm sure she sees that all the time.
2) Maybe emailing her and explaining your frustrations or just explaining why you were being quiet, might lift some weight off your shoulders.

Emailing really could be a great thing and possibly help the face-to-face conversations glide along easier.

I would suggest that you don't give up on her yet, though.
It just takes a little time to warm up.
You said you love going and feel like it helps sometimes. So you gotta weigh it out.

Best of luck! Keep us updated!

AnxiousGirl, If it was me, I would keep going to your sessions. Not every session has to be productive as it takes time to see results. I would face your fears and keep going back. I have had unproductive sessions but if I keep going I will be able to learn more and more about myself. Please don't give up.

I keep a list on my iPod and add to it as needed. I usually email at least part of the list to my T the day before my appointment.

Sometimes when I have problems that are difficult for me to bring up face-to-face, I use the email to introduce the subject. It's been very helpful.

Your T obviously is OK with you emailing her.

You may be surprised by the way talking about how you feel about this changes your therapeutic relationship. I've been seeing my T for a long time. Recently I started telling him when I don't get what he's saying or when I disagree. This is something I've always had a problem with. He's always been glad when I tell him these things. It's opened up things to a new level of therapy. It's helping me to be more willing to speak up with others.

AnxiousGirl I also have a similar situation with my therapy.

I find that some weeks are really productive and other weeks I totally close up. I do email my T but she will often bring up the topic face to face and I will say I don't want to talk about it so she respects that. However it means I often feel that it is pointless going.

It is great to hear others say that they used to feel like this - it gives me hope that things will get better and there really is a good reason to keep going.

I hope that one day I will be able to speak openly and honestly with her in person the way I do during my emails to her

I wish my therapist let me email her. I'm new with her so maybe in the future she will let me. I can just never find the right words to express what I'm trying to say and how I truly feel about what's going on in my life when I'm face to face with ANYBODY, much less a therapist. So I end up just giving short one or two word answers a lot of the time and leave my therapist guessing and then I get frustrated when she ends up going down a path that I find pointless or at least not relevant to my problems. When I can express myself in writing I have a much easier time of getting everything out.

(((AnxiousGirl)))

Therapy can be really hard.

I am so glad that you have got a good therapist.

You are processing a significant loss.

I just wanted to let you know that I am still thinking of you today.